The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Of Love and War Part3"Love Among the Thorns
29 total reviews
Comment from Christof McTarnahan
Nice chapter, dialogue and character interaction is well done. I can tell you really live your characters.
Pete..Negro Driver.....you might want to change that to African American
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Nice chapter, dialogue and character interaction is well done. I can tell you really live your characters.
Pete..Negro Driver.....you might want to change that to African American
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Christof. No one said African American back then. I need to keep my readers in that time period, even in the introduction of my characters.
Comment from Gungalo
Ah gee whiz girl, the ending was just getting good and you had her leaving!! I have no fears though for eventually the real ending will come and with a fervor.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Ah gee whiz girl, the ending was just getting good and you had her leaving!! I have no fears though for eventually the real ending will come and with a fervor.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thank you, my dear.
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Smile
Comment from ELumpkins
Very nice post. It almost rates an R rating but is very interesting and a pleasure to read. Looks like the hospital staff should assign an extra nurse to this ward just to take care of this patient. Good story
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Very nice post. It almost rates an R rating but is very interesting and a pleasure to read. Looks like the hospital staff should assign an extra nurse to this ward just to take care of this patient. Good story
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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thank you Elumpkins.
Comment from barkingdog
My goodness but he seems recovered. LOL
After seeing Margaret and having those old feelings again, it looks like he's either transfering them to Grace or really planning to move on and forget about past love.
Stirring scene at the end. Very passionate. But a nice girl can only allow so much before it's time to leave.
Great dialogue as usual, amahra.
But what a way to leave us../ him hanging. LOL
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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My goodness but he seems recovered. LOL
After seeing Margaret and having those old feelings again, it looks like he's either transfering them to Grace or really planning to move on and forget about past love.
Stirring scene at the end. Very passionate. But a nice girl can only allow so much before it's time to leave.
Great dialogue as usual, amahra.
But what a way to leave us../ him hanging. LOL
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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LOL I thought it was a goo way to end the scene. Thank you for reading and the review.
Comment from elchupakabra
I thought this was a good chapter that is helping move the story along, however the love scene read as cliched and was not as well writ as the rest of the chapter, or the chapters I skimmed to get the context of the story so far. There were also a lot of typos and SPAG issues that I've listed below. Overall, good work and thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading the resulting events stemming from this steamy encounter.
1.end too soon for me - soon enough sounds more natural
2. I'll never stopped loving you, - typo
3.Water, like beads, rolled down his face - no commas needed
4.her round breasts - already used round for buttocks, try supple or full instead
5. The he -typo
6. hisrmouth - typo
7. his hard organ against her, he felt her body when it shook - don't be afraid to use the word penis, it won't bite lol. also, you will get a better effect here through ; instead of ,
8. She melted into him, like candy to a flame... her arms folding around his neck. - This reads as a weird expression (I've heard of candy melting in your mouth or hand but not on a fire) and I don't understand why you use ... because again you can use ; to create the pause or added effect that I believe is intended
Hope that helps! Best of luck!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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I thought this was a good chapter that is helping move the story along, however the love scene read as cliched and was not as well writ as the rest of the chapter, or the chapters I skimmed to get the context of the story so far. There were also a lot of typos and SPAG issues that I've listed below. Overall, good work and thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading the resulting events stemming from this steamy encounter.
1.end too soon for me - soon enough sounds more natural
2. I'll never stopped loving you, - typo
3.Water, like beads, rolled down his face - no commas needed
4.her round breasts - already used round for buttocks, try supple or full instead
5. The he -typo
6. hisrmouth - typo
7. his hard organ against her, he felt her body when it shook - don't be afraid to use the word penis, it won't bite lol. also, you will get a better effect here through ; instead of ,
8. She melted into him, like candy to a flame... her arms folding around his neck. - This reads as a weird expression (I've heard of candy melting in your mouth or hand but not on a fire) and I don't understand why you use ... because again you can use ; to create the pause or added effect that I believe is intended
Hope that helps! Best of luck!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from Bill Schott
Nathan is a butt for sure. His methods are obviously time-tested and launched through percentage success. I wonder if this particular encounter will start a negative reversal of fortune. Nicely penned.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Nathan is a butt for sure. His methods are obviously time-tested and launched through percentage success. I wonder if this particular encounter will start a negative reversal of fortune. Nicely penned.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thank you Bill.
Comment from robina1978
Did Nathan just dream about Margaret as the nurse had such a struggle waking him up, He throws himself at the nurse and wants her to stay, that is what made me think this. Not sure.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Did Nathan just dream about Margaret as the nurse had such a struggle waking him up, He throws himself at the nurse and wants her to stay, that is what made me think this. Not sure.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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No. Margaret was not a dream. Thanks robina for the review.
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OK, thanks for letting me know, Ine
Comment from country ranch writer
HE WAS FEELING FRISKY BUT SHE PUT HIM OFF BUT FOR HOW LONG?----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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HE WAS FEELING FRISKY BUT SHE PUT HIM OFF BUT FOR HOW LONG?----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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thank you ranch.
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WELCOME
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where margaret visits nathan and shares news, he has a nightmare and wakes up to a friendly face. he forces himself on her but she is able to get rid of his grip on her
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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this is very well written, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where margaret visits nathan and shares news, he has a nightmare and wakes up to a friendly face. he forces himself on her but she is able to get rid of his grip on her
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thank you sweetwoodjax.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Very well written and continues well with interest,intrigue and a hint of untapped passion.
Thoroughly enjoyable and true to life.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Very well written and continues well with interest,intrigue and a hint of untapped passion.
Thoroughly enjoyable and true to life.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thank you seken58