The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "A New Beginning"Love Among the Thorns
31 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
Great power verbs: a few like inked, blurted, fleecing. There's nothing like a power verb that give a strong description or mood with it. Writing is smooth and without wrinkles that I can tell. Keeps me attached to this story. Exceptional in my humble opinion. Also loved the line, "found himself in a thunderstorm of bullets. Stan
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Great power verbs: a few like inked, blurted, fleecing. There's nothing like a power verb that give a strong description or mood with it. Writing is smooth and without wrinkles that I can tell. Keeps me attached to this story. Exceptional in my humble opinion. Also loved the line, "found himself in a thunderstorm of bullets. Stan
Comment Written 08-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Thank you Stan. I really appreciate you giving my chapter a real going-over. I so glad you liked that line. LOL I added it at the last minute. And thank you for the stars.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Iactually quite enjoyed the story and didn't fing it too long at all.
The story flowed well and there was something going on all the time. I think the current chapter length suits this point in the story.
Well told and authentic to this era.
Nate -how could you?
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Iactually quite enjoyed the story and didn't fing it too long at all.
The story flowed well and there was something going on all the time. I think the current chapter length suits this point in the story.
Well told and authentic to this era.
Nate -how could you?
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2013
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Yeah, he is a piece of work. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my work.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from emrpoems
I thought the story was true by the emotion expressed. Finding the right partner is the most enchanting feeling especially when a deep bond has been establilshed, The story was well written and was able to hold my interest throughout
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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I thought the story was true by the emotion expressed. Finding the right partner is the most enchanting feeling especially when a deep bond has been establilshed, The story was well written and was able to hold my interest throughout
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Thank you so much emrpoems. Don't think I've every read you. Well, I'll soon fix that. Blessings dear.
Comment from lindalcreel
Why didn't he tell her right away. He's such a cad. Take what you want and then break her heart. He better hope that those 2 women never meet. I have a feeling that Grace isn't the forgiving type. Excellent chapter. Thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Why didn't he tell her right away. He's such a cad. Take what you want and then break her heart. He better hope that those 2 women never meet. I have a feeling that Grace isn't the forgiving type. Excellent chapter. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Yeah, he is a bit of a cad. He's struggling to find Miss Right and screwing everybody else up. Thank you for reading and for being honest.
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Welcome:)
Comment from adewpearl
Good character development throughout
excellent dialogue that sounds natural and conveys the emotion of your characters well
You show well his tender side with the nurse he loves in
Europe and then his disgusting side when he leaves his beloved only to have animalistic sex with his old girfriend from back home
Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Good character development throughout
excellent dialogue that sounds natural and conveys the emotion of your characters well
You show well his tender side with the nurse he loves in
Europe and then his disgusting side when he leaves his beloved only to have animalistic sex with his old girfriend from back home
Brooke
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Animalistic, LOL, [sweet]. Yes, Nathan is a complex character. But, aren't we all? His love for Margaret screwed him up - big time. Try not to hate him if you can. Thank you Brooke for keeping up with my story. I really appreciate it.
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I'm sure you will show more positive aspects of his character in later chapters - for right now, I am disgusted with him and the way he has treated both women... :-)
Comment from allborn66
This is an interesting chapter. I did find a SPaG - bow should be beau. I really wished you hadn't named the twins Ellie & Ella, it makes falling their dialogue very difficult.
Barbara
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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This is an interesting chapter. I did find a SPaG - bow should be beau. I really wished you hadn't named the twins Ellie & Ella, it makes falling their dialogue very difficult.
Barbara
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Sorry Barabara for the difficulty with the twins' names. I'll try to make the dialogue better between them. I've already corrected the bow/beau. Thanks so much for reading. I hope you keep up with the story.
Comment from Gungalo
Oh boy Amahra, the doc has a difficult thing to do now. Eva does love him very much but his heart is elsewhere. I pray she takes it very well. I fear however that she might be pregnant.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Oh boy Amahra, the doc has a difficult thing to do now. Eva does love him very much but his heart is elsewhere. I pray she takes it very well. I fear however that she might be pregnant.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Everybody keeps thinking she might be pregnant. LOL you guys keep forgetting she can't have children. I know with all we have to read, it's hard to keep up with so many stories on here. I get lost myself sometimes. Blessings, my dear.
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Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah. LOL
Comment from Nikitapoetry
"Not to the French. It means Dear Friend. Anyway, they put a message in a capsule and tied it onto Cher Ami's leg and off he flew...straight out of the bush. Higher and higher and higher, he flew way up into the sky. His wings flapping in the wind, with the American headquarters 25 miles away. He was flying along. It was smooth sailing for a while, when suddenly, the Germans spotted him.
very apt verse !!
keep it up :)
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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"Not to the French. It means Dear Friend. Anyway, they put a message in a capsule and tied it onto Cher Ami's leg and off he flew...straight out of the bush. Higher and higher and higher, he flew way up into the sky. His wings flapping in the wind, with the American headquarters 25 miles away. He was flying along. It was smooth sailing for a while, when suddenly, the Germans spotted him.
very apt verse !!
keep it up :)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Thanks Nikitapoetry.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A most enjoyable read, Amahra - and so well presented...
there's a few minor things you might want to look at...
a message through to American headquarters[,] is to send a pigeon - lose comma
They picked up his leg[,] that was totally -- because you've used "that" here, it makes it a run-on sentence. Thus comma not needed
Ella said nothing[,](;) she'd dozed off as soon as her little head hit the pillow. - use a semi-colon to join the sentences.
Her sweet scent lid up the room - lit (alto I can't think that scent would light up the room - suggest ...
Her sweet scent filled the room.
handing her [her] pink nightie - lose 2nd "her"
Margaret
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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A most enjoyable read, Amahra - and so well presented...
there's a few minor things you might want to look at...
a message through to American headquarters[,] is to send a pigeon - lose comma
They picked up his leg[,] that was totally -- because you've used "that" here, it makes it a run-on sentence. Thus comma not needed
Ella said nothing[,](;) she'd dozed off as soon as her little head hit the pillow. - use a semi-colon to join the sentences.
Her sweet scent lid up the room - lit (alto I can't think that scent would light up the room - suggest ...
Her sweet scent filled the room.
handing her [her] pink nightie - lose 2nd "her"
Margaret
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Thank you so much Margaret. I will make those changes, my dear.
Comment from c_lucas
Nate should have confessed immediately, instead of making Eva his whore. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
fleecing- fleeing
bow- beau
He bear hugged Nathan as if he'd been gone a (for) years instead of a (
"Welcome back(,) Son," Doc said.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Nate should have confessed immediately, instead of making Eva his whore. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
fleecing- fleeing
bow- beau
He bear hugged Nathan as if he'd been gone a (for) years instead of a (
"Welcome back(,) Son," Doc said.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2013
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Thank you lucas. He really didn't want to hurt her, he was just confused. I appreciate you pointing out the errors.
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You're welcome, Amahra. Charlie