Tall Tales and Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "A Camel named Clara"Personal growth stories for children
20 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage well
It was my turn to milk this morning, so - add comma
My long shirt came past my knees, and - add comma
Good morning, Clara - add comma for direct address
You see, Clara is - add comma
I loved her. - add period
the other camels, which were smooth- add comma
when you have milked as many years as I have, - add comma
taken many times, so I felt - add comma
You describe the camel race in excellent detail
put my dates in, I mounted - use a period there
Come on, Clara- add comma
I had over-taken - overtaken
After quickly stuffing many bunches into my pouch, - add comma
As we crossed the finished line - finish line,
Vivid detail
nice dialogue
You depict this boy and his culture in an informative and entertaining way
Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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You set the stage well
It was my turn to milk this morning, so - add comma
My long shirt came past my knees, and - add comma
Good morning, Clara - add comma for direct address
You see, Clara is - add comma
I loved her. - add period
the other camels, which were smooth- add comma
when you have milked as many years as I have, - add comma
taken many times, so I felt - add comma
You describe the camel race in excellent detail
put my dates in, I mounted - use a period there
Come on, Clara- add comma
I had over-taken - overtaken
After quickly stuffing many bunches into my pouch, - add comma
As we crossed the finished line - finish line,
Vivid detail
nice dialogue
You depict this boy and his culture in an informative and entertaining way
Brooke
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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I think I know someone who needs a refresher class in punctuation or should not post at 1:30 am. LOL Thank you for this through review Brooke, I am happy you enjoyed the story.
:-) Carolyn
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Carolyn,
This is a delightful children's story.
Presented in a sweet, matter of fact manner, in Abbeed's own words, this story is heart-warming as well as informative (many things about desert life). I learned some things myself here (bacterain and dromedary).
It teaches a child about different cultures, while still keeping the warmth of a child's relationship with its pet, and showing the enthusiasm that children have towards special events (in this case a camel race). I loved also that you showed that Abbeed has been given chores to do (milking the camel).
Your ending, with a splash of humour, was just the perfect finishing touch to your write. Excellent choice of picture as well.
Great write! Best wishes for the contest, Carolyn!
Connie :)
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Carolyn,
This is a delightful children's story.
Presented in a sweet, matter of fact manner, in Abbeed's own words, this story is heart-warming as well as informative (many things about desert life). I learned some things myself here (bacterain and dromedary).
It teaches a child about different cultures, while still keeping the warmth of a child's relationship with its pet, and showing the enthusiasm that children have towards special events (in this case a camel race). I loved also that you showed that Abbeed has been given chores to do (milking the camel).
Your ending, with a splash of humour, was just the perfect finishing touch to your write. Excellent choice of picture as well.
Great write! Best wishes for the contest, Carolyn!
Connie :)
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Connie, what a great and encouraging review. You got exactly what I was hoping for out of the story. Thanks for reading and commenting, :-) Carolyn
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Carolyn.
What a great story for kids. Your knowledge and information about camels, milk, yogurt and names is well researched. I like that you kept true to the names of Arabian heritage.
One suggestion I'm going to make. :)
What really stands out about this story is the camel racing. I really like the details and the connection Abbeed shares with Clara. This part of your story will draw kids in immediately.
My suggestion: Start your story here, rather than him milking Clara. Kids love action, and you'll grab them right away with a race. This is exciting and fun. It's fresh and new, not something that is commonly seen in children's stories.
You have such great ideas and a wonderful story. This will definitely appeal to kids and adults alike. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Hi, Carolyn.
What a great story for kids. Your knowledge and information about camels, milk, yogurt and names is well researched. I like that you kept true to the names of Arabian heritage.
One suggestion I'm going to make. :)
What really stands out about this story is the camel racing. I really like the details and the connection Abbeed shares with Clara. This part of your story will draw kids in immediately.
My suggestion: Start your story here, rather than him milking Clara. Kids love action, and you'll grab them right away with a race. This is exciting and fun. It's fresh and new, not something that is commonly seen in children's stories.
You have such great ideas and a wonderful story. This will definitely appeal to kids and adults alike. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thank you Rosalyn, I appreciate theis wonderful review and the suggestions. I have another story with Abbeed and Clara that is running around in my head. (It has no 1000 word requirement)LOL I am happy you enjoyed A Camel named Clara. :-) Carolyn
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow... Nice story Carolyn. Clara was one special camel. I never knew camels could be milked! Interesting.
This is a good children's story. Characters are a little different then what I'll say as the "norm" giving children some other perspectives and lessons in a different culture.
Question- in an earlier paragraph you indicated the village sponsored camel race was to start at eight o'clock. A few paragraphs later when it was time to start, it was noon? Just an observation.
Great ending with Clara's snort!! John
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Wow... Nice story Carolyn. Clara was one special camel. I never knew camels could be milked! Interesting.
This is a good children's story. Characters are a little different then what I'll say as the "norm" giving children some other perspectives and lessons in a different culture.
Question- in an earlier paragraph you indicated the village sponsored camel race was to start at eight o'clock. A few paragraphs later when it was time to start, it was noon? Just an observation.
Great ending with Clara's snort!! John
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thanks John, for the heads up on the typo. I will fix. So glad you found the story interesting. I'm dabbling around with some ideas right now and your opinion means a lot to me. Hope you are doing well. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Sarah Butterfly
Enjoyable story to read Carolyn. One can imagine being there in the desert and feeling the excitement of the boy in the camel race. Very well done!
Kind regards
Sarah
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Enjoyable story to read Carolyn. One can imagine being there in the desert and feeling the excitement of the boy in the camel race. Very well done!
Kind regards
Sarah
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thanks Sarah, I am delighted you liked the story. It was fun to write. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Sylvia Page
There you go girl this is a fantastic story and a very fine entry to the contest. I am sure you must be as foreign to these Arab ways as I am and it guts to write in that voice.
Well done, and best wishes in the contest.
Cheers
Sylvia
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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There you go girl this is a fantastic story and a very fine entry to the contest. I am sure you must be as foreign to these Arab ways as I am and it guts to write in that voice.
Well done, and best wishes in the contest.
Cheers
Sylvia
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thanks Sylvia, You are right, it is a foreign world, I so enjoyed researching even the small amount that I did. Abbeed and Clara will have a few more adventures to share. So glad you liked it. :-) Carolyn
Comment from LaineyZ
Thank you for such an interesting piece. This is such a great story for kids (and adults!) to learn from. I had no idea you could milk a camel! And I also never knew what the different humped camels were called. I think kids will really enjoy this and learn at the same time.
Good luck with the contest!
-LaineyZ
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thank you for such an interesting piece. This is such a great story for kids (and adults!) to learn from. I had no idea you could milk a camel! And I also never knew what the different humped camels were called. I think kids will really enjoy this and learn at the same time.
Good luck with the contest!
-LaineyZ
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Well thank you LaineyZ for this most wonderful review and the encouragement you have given. Have a great week, :-) Carolyn
Comment from MizKat
Hi Carolyn,
This is a very interesting 1,000 word story. I enjoyed the read very much. I'm glad the boy and camel won the race. It sounds like it would be fun, although I wouldn't be able to handle the heat.
Kat
P.S. I don't know if I forgot to send this or not, but just in case . . . here it is.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Hi Carolyn,
This is a very interesting 1,000 word story. I enjoyed the read very much. I'm glad the boy and camel won the race. It sounds like it would be fun, although I wouldn't be able to handle the heat.
Kat
P.S. I don't know if I forgot to send this or not, but just in case . . . here it is.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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It would be nice to have an average of the temp's at this point. LOL Our 3 and their 120+ degrees. Glad you liked this one Kat,
:-) Carolyn
Comment from Cajungirl
A boy and his camel, this was a fun and exciting well written story. I really wasn't aware that camel produced milk. You see I enjoyed the read and learned something, too. Best of luck in the 1000 word contest.
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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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A boy and his camel, this was a fun and exciting well written story. I really wasn't aware that camel produced milk. You see I enjoyed the read and learned something, too. Best of luck in the 1000 word contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thanks, I always try to have a 'tidbit' of factual information in my stories. so glad you liked it. Thanks for the good luck wishes, :-) Carolyn
Comment from GracieAnn
Carolyn, I really enjoyed this unique story for FS. It made the introduction to the two kinds of camels interesting and showed the mutual devotion that the boy had for his productive pet. The ending is rewarding. Nice job! :0 GracieAnn
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Carolyn, I really enjoyed this unique story for FS. It made the introduction to the two kinds of camels interesting and showed the mutual devotion that the boy had for his productive pet. The ending is rewarding. Nice job! :0 GracieAnn
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thanks GraciAnn, I am delighted you enjoyed Abbeed and Clara.
:-) Carolyn