The Bard of Bel Air
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Sight of Death, Crime Scene?"A homeless man sees more than people realize.
16 total reviews
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi Mikey.
This is a good chapter, your characters strong and dialogue flows well. They sure are calm around the sudden death of a father and husband. The cautious interest of the detective is warranted. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
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Hi Mikey.
This is a good chapter, your characters strong and dialogue flows well. They sure are calm around the sudden death of a father and husband. The cautious interest of the detective is warranted. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
Comment from Millibrad
Beautifully done. No autopsy possible here. Murder most foul. What a clever way to hide the evidence. Detective Adrian has her work cut out for her.
"You['re] carting him off"
"Just how I want you to (fell)[feel]
"Tenaya knew that Dr. Khin would be the next to answer questions." Since Tenaya is the one asking the questions this line is a bit redundant. A simple "Tenaya turned to the doctor" would do.
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Beautifully done. No autopsy possible here. Murder most foul. What a clever way to hide the evidence. Detective Adrian has her work cut out for her.
"You['re] carting him off"
"Just how I want you to (fell)[feel]
"Tenaya knew that Dr. Khin would be the next to answer questions." Since Tenaya is the one asking the questions this line is a bit redundant. A simple "Tenaya turned to the doctor" would do.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
Comment from Michaelk
The butler did it! Just joking. I am looking for suspects already, but it's way too early, and I don't have enough information yet. It's keeping my interest very well. A little SPAG,when he is talking about the Elvis Costello tour, (knew) instead of new. Other than that, great job. Looking forward to the next chapter.
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The butler did it! Just joking. I am looking for suspects already, but it's way too early, and I don't have enough information yet. It's keeping my interest very well. A little SPAG,when he is talking about the Elvis Costello tour, (knew) instead of new. Other than that, great job. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
Comment from Nosha17
This is going to be an interesting story with the unravelling of the crime. The characters are well drawn and interesting, the dialogue sharp and lively. The narrative and descriptions are well written and it read well. Enjoyable read. Faye
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This is going to be an interesting story with the unravelling of the crime. The characters are well drawn and interesting, the dialogue sharp and lively. The narrative and descriptions are well written and it read well. Enjoyable read. Faye
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
Your introduction of characters is silky smooth. The weaving of the story with dialogue and naration is excellent. The story remains vital even when you tell. Love the poetry and quirkiness of the Bard. This has lots of room for insights and humor. NG
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Your introduction of characters is silky smooth. The weaving of the story with dialogue and naration is excellent. The story remains vital even when you tell. Love the poetry and quirkiness of the Bard. This has lots of room for insights and humor. NG
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Verrrry well done, Mikey. I wish I had one more six, since this deserves it for the dialogue and descriptions of the characters' behavior. Keep up the great writing... this one looks really promising. :)
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Verrrry well done, Mikey. I wish I had one more six, since this deserves it for the dialogue and descriptions of the characters' behavior. Keep up the great writing... this one looks really promising. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014