Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Elusive butterfly "A book of Poetry & Writing
53 total reviews
Comment from marijmd
Elusive butterfly drawn to sugar only to dance at the devil's fire by night - really great line evokes so much imagery!
I enjoyed your short - though it felt more like reading poetry.
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Elusive butterfly drawn to sugar only to dance at the devil's fire by night - really great line evokes so much imagery!
I enjoyed your short - though it felt more like reading poetry.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi deepwater,
This reads like a poem, rather than prose, however, it draws on some powerful imagery in the words. It has a good message and a good rhythm to the lines.
Nicely done.
Patrick
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Hi deepwater,
This reads like a poem, rather than prose, however, it draws on some powerful imagery in the words. It has a good message and a good rhythm to the lines.
Nicely done.
Patrick
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from His Grayness
Dear Deepwater: This is a highly complex aggregation of metaphors which seems to slay the common perception of the everyday butterfly as a whimsical light and fragile creature with no care for the world while the photo shows a powerful angelic bird of rescue but the dialog is strong and compelling. Well done! HIS GRAYNESS...Vance
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Dear Deepwater: This is a highly complex aggregation of metaphors which seems to slay the common perception of the everyday butterfly as a whimsical light and fragile creature with no care for the world while the photo shows a powerful angelic bird of rescue but the dialog is strong and compelling. Well done! HIS GRAYNESS...Vance
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
Comment from Auroraboreal800
I think this is a beautiful written. Very nice flow, and excellent choice of words. I really enjoy reading this piece, and reviewing...
Wise thoughts and well done!
:)
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I think this is a beautiful written. Very nice flow, and excellent choice of words. I really enjoy reading this piece, and reviewing...
Wise thoughts and well done!
:)
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
Comment from ravenblack
I think this would work as free verse or a prose poem, but it is not a script. And it is a bit hazy as to what your butterfly is a metaphor for. Elusive, cunning beauty? A temptress? You have some good lines here, but again, it is not a script.
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I think this would work as free verse or a prose poem, but it is not a script. And it is a bit hazy as to what your butterfly is a metaphor for. Elusive, cunning beauty? A temptress? You have some good lines here, but again, it is not a script.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
Comment from Ekim777
It all sounds like a tussle to the death between the illusive concepts of the cunning mind and the butterfly which might be the mandala of the conscious in all its completeness, and where the soul resides. I think the script is weighed down by abstracts, generalizations and cryptic images. Your one true statement is that man will survive. An ambitious work but only a giant like Milton can sit down and claim. "I am about to write the greatest poem in the English language;" and then succeed to do so. -Ekim777
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It all sounds like a tussle to the death between the illusive concepts of the cunning mind and the butterfly which might be the mandala of the conscious in all its completeness, and where the soul resides. I think the script is weighed down by abstracts, generalizations and cryptic images. Your one true statement is that man will survive. An ambitious work but only a giant like Milton can sit down and claim. "I am about to write the greatest poem in the English language;" and then succeed to do so. -Ekim777
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
Comment from Hareem.S
This is a very good and thoughtful piece. I like the vivid descriptions you have drawn here. It is penned down in a lyrical manner. It was a pleasure to read it.
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This is a very good and thoughtful piece. I like the vivid descriptions you have drawn here. It is penned down in a lyrical manner. It was a pleasure to read it.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
Comment from Ric Myworld
New to poetry and its many styles and structures, I'm forced to trust my ears and eyes to what touches and motivates me to read and learn. Thanks for the pleasure of your picture painting read. Great job. :-)
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New to poetry and its many styles and structures, I'm forced to trust my ears and eyes to what touches and motivates me to read and learn. Thanks for the pleasure of your picture painting read. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
Comment from A Matter Of Words
I see that this is identified as a script, but it comes across as a free verse poem - not a script. The opposing imagery is very strong and beautifully written. I agree with your presentation of human nature and how it is so drawn to be good through social prescription, but the inner self is drawn to that which is much darker. I am still on the fence regarding the issue of punctuation - or lack thereof, so will not comment negatively on that, but I am sure other will or have. Very creative and intriguing.
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I see that this is identified as a script, but it comes across as a free verse poem - not a script. The opposing imagery is very strong and beautifully written. I agree with your presentation of human nature and how it is so drawn to be good through social prescription, but the inner self is drawn to that which is much darker. I am still on the fence regarding the issue of punctuation - or lack thereof, so will not comment negatively on that, but I am sure other will or have. Very creative and intriguing.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
Comment from Tegan1311
A really well done poem. You paint an intense and vivid picture with your words. It makes you think. I love that it's a little dark :)
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A really well done poem. You paint an intense and vivid picture with your words. It makes you think. I love that it's a little dark :)
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014