Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Hi Harriett,

Wow! What an unexpected twist in the plot!

This is your best chapter so far, and the length is just right. No unnecessary detail, and great dialogue.

Your writing is getting more polished with each posting.

Well done, Auntie dear!

Until next time,

Sonali :)



She was going to the Korens (to) demand to see

but they (wouldn't) refuse her face-to-face, especially

The bedroom door (cracked open), and

of the doorway and left the door cracked ..., this would indicate that there was a crack on the door ... suggest: and left the door slightly ajar.

his eyes counting and taking in all the wealth (that) he owned .. suggest: ... drop 'that' .. if the sentence reads the same without it

dressed in a two-piece (comma not needed here) black top,
black and

Rose('- remove) searched

must 'never' know," (her mother/Rose) said, her eyes
pleading

daze while Rose told her the whole bristling story-- bristling means 'to stand stiffly erect' ... suggest: sordid? .. story

that fact from the Wainwrights(,) knowing how important producing heirs to their fortune (was) to them.

pregnancy, he leaped (at) the opportunity

in her hands(,) then looked up at Rose with blazing fire

Then he slightly jumped after hearing her bedroom .. suggest: ... He jumped slightly when he heard her bedroom door slam

family room where Rose stood looking off ... looking out of sorts ...?

to your daughters why I'm calling their father (D)addy." Elizabeth's

days ago, (had) now c(o)me back to bite her in the ass.

"Pray(,)" he said, putting his arm around her shoulder as they both stood in the doorway(dash not needed here) with the cool evening air brushing against their faces

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014

I'm surprised you spoke about the length because the last chapter is next and it's long because to break it in half would spoil the conclusion. Thank you for reading and reviewing and I'll make changes as soon as I finish the last chapter.

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Wow the plot thickens....what a selfish girl....Margaret is...
I have seen this in my own family.....actions have generational repercussions ...well written
God bless

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014

thank you,kiwijenny.

Comment from padumachitta

Excellent

Hi ...well we get some answers that only drive the story foward into more turmoil. Super, now we have to keep reading:-)
One thing I would fix somehow...this is just a quick fix(not quite right)...But somehow, I would try to end it with Pray...it...or at least have it closer to the end of the last sentence.

Putting his arm around her shoulder, they both stood in the doorway--with the cool evening air brushing against their faces. 'Pray'

I look forward to the next post, please don't make me wait to long:-) padumachitta

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014

Thank you, padumachitta. I'll try your suggestion and see how it works.

Comment from madhatter1977

Excellent

Hi amahra! This is really dramatic! Powerful female characters and the men largely left in the dark in this chapter apart from Dr Koren. I really like Margaret and can imagine 1920s' America to be quite a setting. Very good writing, well impressed! Best wishes, Hatter

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014

Thank you, madhatter. I appreciate your review.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is an excellent chapter, amahra, Margaret has proven herself to be a formidable enemy and an itch that needs to be beaten once a day to make herself behave. I enjoyed reading it

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2014

Thanks, sweetwoodjax. Always a pleasure hearing from you.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Well written Amahra, I have been enjoying your novelette, the characters are well described, well defined and full of "character" they're certainly not "wooses" colloquial Australian, meaning "wet" ! Well Rose thought she was sorting out Margaret, instead has opened up a can of worms, the only "wet"
Character in this is Nathan, (King David's prophet) interesting turnaround for namesake! Well written, well done, blessings, Roy.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Oh, I wasn't aware of that. Was his name Nathan? Anyway, thank you for reading and making this review. I hope you will like the ending.

Comment from Fridayauthor

Excellent

This is well written with some very important information conveyed. The dialog is very good.

I wondered how nervous Rose would be making this life-changing announcement. I tried to visualize it and came away that she would be a total nervous wreck. Utterly beside herself with worry. I think you could get more out of this chapter conveying this, and thereby upsetting her daughter in the extreme.

Just personal thoughts...

Thank you.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Thank you, Fridayauthor. Really appreciate this review.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Thanks for the pleasure of reading another outstanding chapter that kept me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end. Great job. :-)

(add)
>>"Koren, what are we going to do?" she asked, looking like she'd just (lost) a battle with the devil.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

thank you so much Ric.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Well, that was dramatic. I couldn't image how such a mother, daughter revelation would go in real life. Most people I know would start fighting, but I like your way better. Well done.


She was going to the Korens and [demand] to see Nathan.

- should this be demanded?

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Thank you, lancellot... What about, "She was going to the Korean [to] demand to see Nathan. I'm not sure if demanded is good since it's past tense and 'was going to' means it hasn't happened yet. But I'll re-read and see.

reply by lancellot on 14-Sep-2014

yes, that works as well.

Comment from lindalcreel

Excellent

Margaret doesn't care about anyone but herself. I wonder if its time that Elizabeth told Nate the truth about Margaret and her husband. Maybe then he'll stay away from the witch. Of course knowing her, she will destroy everyone and everything just to get what she wants and she wants Nate. I really would like to see her get her just dues. Just once, I would like the tables to turn.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014

Yep, Margaret has always been in love with Nathan, but was too weak and too greedy to fight her father. Remember she broke his heart in 1906 when they were very young and daughters had to obey their fathers. Now it's 1928, and times are different. Women are smoking and drinking. They've cut their hair short and their hem lines are just above the knee. I'm not trying to make you like her. You're right, she is quite a witch. Thank you so much for reading.

reply by lindalcreel on 15-Sep-2014

If her parents hadn't interfered, then maybe things would have turned out differently. Especially, considering that the same thing happened to her mother.