Bed of Roses
a perfect moment39 total reviews
Comment from livelylinda
giraffmang: creative, surprise ending, lovely thought of keeping a special moment in your memory . . . although, I probably wouldn't kill a lover so that they remain forever young . . .good contest contender. livelylinda
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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giraffmang: creative, surprise ending, lovely thought of keeping a special moment in your memory . . . although, I probably wouldn't kill a lover so that they remain forever young . . .good contest contender. livelylinda
Comment Written 17-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for the review. No, you probably wouldn't. I think I may know a few who would though! lol. Much appreciated
Comment from fimarie78
This is a beautiful piece of writing. I loved the contrast of the red and white roses at the end and her white skin and red lips at the beginning. This framed it nicely. Also, the contrast of the stillness of the twilight and the cries of passion. You write beautifully. We experience every emotion you describe so well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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This is a beautiful piece of writing. I loved the contrast of the red and white roses at the end and her white skin and red lips at the beginning. This framed it nicely. Also, the contrast of the stillness of the twilight and the cries of passion. You write beautifully. We experience every emotion you describe so well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for the nice review. Much appreciated
Comment from Curly Girly
Oh, well, I think this is very good indeed. At first I thought, 'It's another sloppy love-making story.' But then I realised, 'No! It's about murder.' I like the way you gave the reader time and space to explore and discover the conclusion. It is better this way. This is good writing. To shock readers with violent acts lacks subtlety and is common place. To me, yours should win. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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Oh, well, I think this is very good indeed. At first I thought, 'It's another sloppy love-making story.' But then I realised, 'No! It's about murder.' I like the way you gave the reader time and space to explore and discover the conclusion. It is better this way. This is good writing. To shock readers with violent acts lacks subtlety and is common place. To me, yours should win. Best wishes.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for the great review. I am glad you got it. It seems to have missed most people. The subtle approach rarely works here! Much appreciated
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Yes, I find it quite annoying when the dummies want every detail drawn and spelled out for them, like simple souls. I like to guess with subtle clues and picture my own images. I don't like graphic violence. I think it can kill (pardon the pun) a good suspense story. 'Who done it' is more important than the detail of 'how they did it.' Good night!
Comment from risktaker
I like the imagery, scenes are vivid, word choice expresses your viewpoint effectively.The photo is gorgeous and the comparison to her skin creative.I feel the love and affection between the couple and the satisfaction from their lovemaking.Great job. thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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I like the imagery, scenes are vivid, word choice expresses your viewpoint effectively.The photo is gorgeous and the comparison to her skin creative.I feel the love and affection between the couple and the satisfaction from their lovemaking.Great job. thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for the fine review. I am glad the imagery struck a chord. Much appreciated.
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ok
Comment from Dawn Munro
I loved this, but I must say that the line "The red roses, once white, " confused me - he killed her and every rose is blood-drenched? I also think it should be "She (lies) upon.. OR, if past tense, "She (lay) - no 's'.
Clever, if it is, indeed, a thriller, but your listing is generic - gave no clue. It works either way - romance or thriller (except for the bloody(?) roses, IMO - needs clarifying.) Regardless, it's excellent.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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I loved this, but I must say that the line "The red roses, once white, " confused me - he killed her and every rose is blood-drenched? I also think it should be "She (lies) upon.. OR, if past tense, "She (lay) - no 's'.
Clever, if it is, indeed, a thriller, but your listing is generic - gave no clue. It works either way - romance or thriller (except for the bloody(?) roses, IMO - needs clarifying.) Regardless, it's excellent.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015
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Hi, I don't classify the shorter flash fiction pieces as that tends to give it away before. The reader is waiting for it.
It is intentionally written as a romance piece but it is a thriller. There are more clues. in there as well. The bloody roses are the ones next to her skin. It is entirely possible for all the roses she lies upon to be covered. Blood spreads quickly and widely. (I know!).
Many thanks for the review. It is, as always, very much appreciated.
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OH! Wow, I should have picked up on that, really - the blood on the roses nearest to her - for once, I think the picture distracted me - I say for once because using pictures, and even video, is my favorite way to present something - but this time, it confused me! So sorry - in actual fact, I went back to read it again, and your handling of it is quite brilliant.
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Many thanks. I loved the review too because it made me read it again too! I like reviews that make me re-visit a piece. Stops me becoming too prideful and protective!
I don't always use a lot of pictures. I liked this one because of the mix of petals. Many thanks for having a look again. Always the sign of a good reviewer.
Many thanks
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Ooo, much appreciated. You're most welcome. :)
Comment from Patti R.
I dunno, this is so full of cliché phrases that it annoyed me. You are a writer, a good one. This seems a bit of a lazy write for you! I say that with all due respect.
The twist in the last line is what earns it five stars in my mind.
alabaster skin
full red lips
polished jade eyes - okay that's original, but in the same paragraph you say her eyes are closed.
sweet slumber
stillness of the twilight
forest feels alive
perfect moment in time and space
ivory skin -
sorry, but it's all too familiar.
Don't be mad at me!
Patti
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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I dunno, this is so full of cliché phrases that it annoyed me. You are a writer, a good one. This seems a bit of a lazy write for you! I say that with all due respect.
The twist in the last line is what earns it five stars in my mind.
alabaster skin
full red lips
polished jade eyes - okay that's original, but in the same paragraph you say her eyes are closed.
sweet slumber
stillness of the twilight
forest feels alive
perfect moment in time and space
ivory skin -
sorry, but it's all too familiar.
Don't be mad at me!
Patti
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Lol. Thanks for the review. The eye thing is there as an indicator towards the final outcome. Her eyes are open but then they have been closed as she is in repose, has been posed. It is one hint to all is not as it should be. The alabaster and ivory are also hints so to sleep slumber. They are purposefully familiar and the ending is the all in these short pieces.
I appreciate your candour and honesty. :)
G
Comment from jclark
I really liked the perfect visuals you created with this contest entry. I re-read it a couple of times and found it hauntingly beautiful. You me the contest criteria perfectly and I love the picture you chose for this piece. Best of luck. Kindly, Judy
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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I really liked the perfect visuals you created with this contest entry. I re-read it a couple of times and found it hauntingly beautiful. You me the contest criteria perfectly and I love the picture you chose for this piece. Best of luck. Kindly, Judy
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for this review. Much appreciated
Comment from Writingfundimension
I think this entry has just the right amount of sensory titillation and romance, G. You did a fine job with this intriguing writing prompt.
Bev
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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I think this entry has just the right amount of sensory titillation and romance, G. You did a fine job with this intriguing writing prompt.
Bev
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for the kind and encouraging review. Much appreciated.
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You're welcome. :)
Comment from sibhus
Wow, nice twist at the end, it was totally unexpected. Great flow with some really good descriptions that make this n enjoyable read. You have done a great job completing a full story within the limited word. Excellent entry for the contest, and good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Wow, nice twist at the end, it was totally unexpected. Great flow with some really good descriptions that make this n enjoyable read. You have done a great job completing a full story within the limited word. Excellent entry for the contest, and good luck.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for the insightful response to the story. 200 words can be a bit of a stretch! Much appreciated
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi G,
As I just said to someone else, I'm not a Bon Jovi fan; however, I think I got the gist of this story. The line: cries of passion silenced the indigenous creatures cracked me up. Wow, that must have been some hot lovemaking.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Hi G,
As I just said to someone else, I'm not a Bon Jovi fan; however, I think I got the gist of this story. The line: cries of passion silenced the indigenous creatures cracked me up. Wow, that must have been some hot lovemaking.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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Many thanks for the review. There is also something deeper going on here! Much appreciated