Perception Can Kill
What do you see?18 total reviews
Comment from Tatarka2
Wow. This is very powerful. A complete story, so perfectly and concisely told, in so few words. I must admit I was wondering where you were going as I read along - and I didn't see the ending coming at all, which makes it such a satisfying read. Congratulations on a job well done. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. I think this is a very strong entry.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Wow. This is very powerful. A complete story, so perfectly and concisely told, in so few words. I must admit I was wondering where you were going as I read along - and I didn't see the ending coming at all, which makes it such a satisfying read. Congratulations on a job well done. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. I think this is a very strong entry.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Many thanks for this great review and your thoughts upon the story. Much appreciated
Comment from tommyboywood
Haha, nice twist ending. So much for the butler did it theory. I'll never order coffee again :). generally speaking it is not necessary to use a comma when the connective "and" is used. And the use of italics for the thought quotes was a bit unusual for standard prose. Cool story short
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Haha, nice twist ending. So much for the butler did it theory. I'll never order coffee again :). generally speaking it is not necessary to use a comma when the connective "and" is used. And the use of italics for the thought quotes was a bit unusual for standard prose. Cool story short
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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I thought that initially about the thought quotes but many use it on the site. In much the same way that paragraph indentations are still the norm in the publishing world but not on this site! Many thanks for the great review. The comma before the conjunctive seems to be a source of some debate on the site. (what troubled times we live in!). It can be used but as you say isn't strictly necessary. Much appreciated.
Comment from Nosha17
I am not too fond of killings, but at least you didn't give us the gruesome details, thank you! This was a nice twist at the end. Your descriptions and story line were good and it read really well. Couple of things, hope you don't mind-Para 1, to make it bit clearer and more flowing: but the beard was necessary........so that he could not be recognised. Para 7-joining two sentences is better-If he........he would be undetectable... Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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I am not too fond of killings, but at least you didn't give us the gruesome details, thank you! This was a nice twist at the end. Your descriptions and story line were good and it read really well. Couple of things, hope you don't mind-Para 1, to make it bit clearer and more flowing: but the beard was necessary........so that he could not be recognised. Para 7-joining two sentences is better-If he........he would be undetectable... Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Many thanks for reading and your thoughts on the story. Much appreciated.
Comment from royowen
What a brilliant ending, I suppose it's like the short versions of the Japanese poetry, it must have an impact in few words, just like your well written and composed story, just when you thinks that the ending was going to be predictable, then the twist in the tail, you took me completely by surprise! Well done, great entry in the contest, good luck, well done, great characters, good structure, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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What a brilliant ending, I suppose it's like the short versions of the Japanese poetry, it must have an impact in few words, just like your well written and composed story, just when you thinks that the ending was going to be predictable, then the twist in the tail, you took me completely by surprise! Well done, great entry in the contest, good luck, well done, great characters, good structure, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Many thanks for this great review, Roy. I had never thought of flash fiction like that before but it is spot on1 Much appreciated.
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Most welcome.
Comment from adewpearl
, and from that position - add comma
vivid descriptive detail
the well-shined shoes - add hyphen
and then following, but - add comma
you build suspense and a sense of intrigue well- love the ending
Brooke
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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, and from that position - add comma
vivid descriptive detail
the well-shined shoes - add hyphen
and then following, but - add comma
you build suspense and a sense of intrigue well- love the ending
Brooke
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Many thanks for the editing bits and the review, As always, it is very much appreciated.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Action flows smoothly. Easy to follow story line. Simply way to assassinate your victim. Descriptively well written. Write on.
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Action flows smoothly. Easy to follow story line. Simply way to assassinate your victim. Descriptively well written. Write on.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Many thanks for the review, Brett. Always a welcome visitor! Much appreciated,
Comment from Dean Kuch
"He didn't want ______ to be able to describe him."........ It almost seems as if a word was left out here, Author. Did you mean, "He didn't want anyone to be able to describe him."
This was a great short story. The techniques used in building the mounting tension in the diner with Meeks and Callum were well executed...no pun intended. I thought that waitress sounded a bit too sophisticated, a bit too glamorous for a diner, but then, I've seen some pretty good looking waitresses myself, so I dismissed it. As it turns out, I was right.
Excellent story with a surprise ending that'll knock 'em dead.
Good luck to you in the contest... ~Dean
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reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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"He didn't want ______ to be able to describe him."........ It almost seems as if a word was left out here, Author. Did you mean, "He didn't want anyone to be able to describe him."
This was a great short story. The techniques used in building the mounting tension in the diner with Meeks and Callum were well executed...no pun intended. I thought that waitress sounded a bit too sophisticated, a bit too glamorous for a diner, but then, I've seen some pretty good looking waitresses myself, so I dismissed it. As it turns out, I was right.
Excellent story with a surprise ending that'll knock 'em dead.
Good luck to you in the contest... ~Dean
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Many thanks for the encouraging review, dean. I thought I had rectified the missing word. Will have to check again. Many thanks, as always, my friend.
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You're very welcome. :)
~Dean
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Anon, nice work mate. This is avery interesting piece, with an interesting plot as well. I like this as a contest entry and wish you luck.
One spag...I think....
"He didn't want(who?) to be able to describe him."
Cheers Fez
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reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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G'day Anon, nice work mate. This is avery interesting piece, with an interesting plot as well. I like this as a contest entry and wish you luck.
One spag...I think....
"He didn't want(who?) to be able to describe him."
Cheers Fez
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Many thanks for the read and review, Fez. Also for the word check. I have corrected that now. Very much appreciated. All the best.