Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Lady In Red"A book of a mixture of stories
15 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This was an interesting variation on the premise.
I liked the tone of the piece, early on. It seemed to change near the end. It started like a hard boiled detective pulp fiction piece with the dialogue to match. The twist at the end changed the tone a little, making it uneven.
Still, a well written piece on a technical level and the reason for the twist (saving the sister) a bit different.
Good luck in the contest.
GMG
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reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Hi there,
This was an interesting variation on the premise.
I liked the tone of the piece, early on. It seemed to change near the end. It started like a hard boiled detective pulp fiction piece with the dialogue to match. The twist at the end changed the tone a little, making it uneven.
Still, a well written piece on a technical level and the reason for the twist (saving the sister) a bit different.
Good luck in the contest.
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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thank you for your comments and for taking the time to read my post. It's difficult to maintain a story within 500 words...at least for me it is....but I appreciate your thoughts. Have a great day!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Story line easy to follow if a little predictable. Action flows smoothly. Descriptive language well used throughout. Write on.
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Story line easy to follow if a little predictable. Action flows smoothly. Descriptive language well used throughout. Write on.
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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It's difficult to get extremely creative in under 500 words but I hoped the twist of the assassin getting killed himself might add a little something to it. Thanks for the comments and for taking the time to read my post. Have a great day!
Comment from Cass Carlton
Hey, wild , man, I was waiting for the lady to be "not " a lady. What a brilliant piece of turning the tables this is. This is a really different slant on an old theme, where man has lustful urges and gets more than he bargains for. Great stuff!!
No typos, no punctuation problems, characters are believable and well presented. Good clear dialogue. Well done cheers Cass
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Hey, wild , man, I was waiting for the lady to be "not " a lady. What a brilliant piece of turning the tables this is. This is a really different slant on an old theme, where man has lustful urges and gets more than he bargains for. Great stuff!!
No typos, no punctuation problems, characters are believable and well presented. Good clear dialogue. Well done cheers Cass
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Wow...that's an awesome response and I truly appreciate you, your comments and the stars!!! It's difficult to put a lot of emotion into these short stories and it isn't really my style, but that's what the contest called for so I am thrilled you enjoyed it. Have a great day!
Comment from amahra
This was a great mystery for being so short. Had all of the makings of a longer piece. You should consider making it longer for the future.
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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This was a great mystery for being so short. Had all of the makings of a longer piece. You should consider making it longer for the future.
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Thank you...I agree...Flash fiction is not my style but for the contest it was required. I appreciate your comments and taking the time to read my post. Have a great day!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Nice job! Good luck!
-action flows smoothly
-descriptive language used
-excellent format and picture
-excellent character development
-held my interest all the way to the end
Write on!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Nice job! Good luck!
-action flows smoothly
-descriptive language used
-excellent format and picture
-excellent character development
-held my interest all the way to the end
Write on!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-May-2015
reply by the author on 11-May-2015
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Thank you so much for your kind review. I appreciate the comments and you taking the time to read the entry. Have a great day!