The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Piper, part 2"Young Adult Fantasy
20 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I wonder who the stranger, Fae must be and elvish creature or some such. I enjoyed this narrative, I don't know about young adults but I certainly enjoyed it, it was certainly well written, as haunting as the pipe playing that piper indulged in, and unbeknowns to him, the Fae stranger was certainly listening to it. Great writing, imaginative and absorbing, Well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
  |
I wonder who the stranger, Fae must be and elvish creature or some such. I enjoyed this narrative, I don't know about young adults but I certainly enjoyed it, it was certainly well written, as haunting as the pipe playing that piper indulged in, and unbeknowns to him, the Fae stranger was certainly listening to it. Great writing, imaginative and absorbing, Well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Hi Roy,
Right you are about the Fae being some sort of elfish creature. I'll explain the relationship between elves and Fae in a later chapter.
Thank you so much for the encouraging comments about the writing. I am so pleased that you enjoyed reading this chapter.
-
Most welcome
Comment from Spitfire
I'm not big on fantasy stories, but this is so well-written, I'll stick with it for a while. You know how to evoke a mood for the story, and now it appears, the calmness will turn to fear.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
I'm not big on fantasy stories, but this is so well-written, I'll stick with it for a while. You know how to evoke a mood for the story, and now it appears, the calmness will turn to fear.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Hi Shari,
Thank you. I will take that as a huge compliment, that you read it even though it is not your chosen genre. I appreciate the kind words about evoking the mood. Thank you! Debi
Comment from Louise Michelle
You are a skillful word weaver, Debi. Poor Piper - I can almost hear his sorrowful tune. Each paragraph moves the story along nicely - no unnecessary fluff. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
You are a skillful word weaver, Debi. Poor Piper - I can almost hear his sorrowful tune. Each paragraph moves the story along nicely - no unnecessary fluff. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Hi Lou,
What a nice compliment, "a skillful word weaver." Another encouraging comment, that you can almost hear his sorrowful tune. Well the entire review is just full of encouraging comments. THANK YOU! Debi
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of work. This reads well and I can see no errors or room for improvement. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of work. This reads well and I can see no errors or room for improvement. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Thank you for the nice comments. I appreciate you stopping by to read and review.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Another interesting chapter for your book Debi. I thought it was in the contest but I see now it is not. What can the mysterious stranger want from the young Piper? Is he in danger?Questios that will be answered when You post the next chapter. LOL Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
Another interesting chapter for your book Debi. I thought it was in the contest but I see now it is not. What can the mysterious stranger want from the young Piper? Is he in danger?Questios that will be answered when You post the next chapter. LOL Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Thank you for the encouraging review, Nancy. I don't know which contest you mean, but that's okay. I don't get to the site often so I probably missed the prompt.
You ask some good questions. Answers to follow.
Comment from redrocklover
Ah, the plot thickens. I'm enjoying your story a lot. Your descriptions of Piper playing over his grandfather's grave were poignant and beautiful. Looking forward to finding out if the appearance of the Fae is a good thing or a bad thing.
Linda
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
|
Ah, the plot thickens. I'm enjoying your story a lot. Your descriptions of Piper playing over his grandfather's grave were poignant and beautiful. Looking forward to finding out if the appearance of the Fae is a good thing or a bad thing.
Linda
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
-
Hi Linda,
Thank you for the encouraging review. I appreciate the comments about the description of Piper. Yes, what is that Fae up to? I guess we will find out soon.
Debi
Comment from Aiona
What an engaging section! I would totally read on! Very beautiful descriptions and I could feel as if I were there, and just as frightened as Piper. Nice use of dialogue.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
|
What an engaging section! I would totally read on! Very beautiful descriptions and I could feel as if I were there, and just as frightened as Piper. Nice use of dialogue.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
-
Thank you for the gracious and encouraging comments. I appreciate you stopping by to read and review. Thank you.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Debi
_ You do a great job of showing Piper's misery over losing his grandfather.
_ Further emphasis when he plays the flute.
_ Nicely penned. A very enjoyable read.
A few suggestions below, and always made with respect, so please use or lose as you see fit.
<> Add and -i- to the -n- (n/in)
_ grave and put his face (i)n his hands.
...FYI...
<> After this sentence, you have a hard break (***) I'm wondering why???
_ embracing, reaching out to touch the world beyond.
<> Unless you are changing scenes -OR- want to show a huge gap in time, I suggest seguing through verbiage--makes a smoother transition in the read.
<> In the same scene, but you change povs--you can do a soft break so the reader understands the switch. ( ~ )
...FYI...
<> There should be spacing between your ellipses.
<> Ellipses also have a formula for them to come out correctly.
...FORMULA... word,space,control,alt,period,space, word...
I ... I didn't expect
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*;*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
|
Hi, Debi
_ You do a great job of showing Piper's misery over losing his grandfather.
_ Further emphasis when he plays the flute.
_ Nicely penned. A very enjoyable read.
A few suggestions below, and always made with respect, so please use or lose as you see fit.
<> Add and -i- to the -n- (n/in)
_ grave and put his face (i)n his hands.
...FYI...
<> After this sentence, you have a hard break (***) I'm wondering why???
_ embracing, reaching out to touch the world beyond.
<> Unless you are changing scenes -OR- want to show a huge gap in time, I suggest seguing through verbiage--makes a smoother transition in the read.
<> In the same scene, but you change povs--you can do a soft break so the reader understands the switch. ( ~ )
...FYI...
<> There should be spacing between your ellipses.
<> Ellipses also have a formula for them to come out correctly.
...FORMULA... word,space,control,alt,period,space, word...
I ... I didn't expect
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*;*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
-
Thank you for such a helpful review, Jax. It means a lot.
I changed "n" to "in"
I changed the ellipses to "I ... I didn't" I tried the formula but kept deleting words. Looks like one I will have to practice.
I left the *** for the hard break and added "About an hour before dawn, a heavy sigh was all he had left." I meant for him to have played for hours. Does that work? or should I still take out the ***?
Did I change POV? I didn't mean to. I mean for it all to be Piper's pov.
-
_ No, you didn't change pov's.
_ I just said that to show the difference between a hard break and a soft break.
_ The reason I suggested not showing a hard break is:
1) Piper is still at the graveside.
2) He hasn't moved from point A to B.
3) I didn't clarify---when to use a -hard break- when there is a huge gap in time would be if you changed characters and/or scene.
4) By placing a hard break there when Piper is playing his music all night, breaks the smooth continuity of your scene.
5) I suggest: Piper could not pull himself away from his grandfather graveside, so he played music until nearly dawn.
_ That way you are telling the reader this is a huge gap in time without breaking up the flow of his grief. (*>*)
-
THANK YOU!!!!
-
You're welcome. (*<*)
Comment from snooker155
lovely I cried and cried and cried and cried with sorrow for poor Piper but had the biggest beaming smile at the end when the fae which I believed was the spirit of his dead grandfather came to find him and finally bring him home did I get that right because I am now a fan of yours and would love to know the secret of this wonderful story lots oi love from William alias snooker 155 please check me out too and review me too it would mean a lot to me if you did
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
|
lovely I cried and cried and cried and cried with sorrow for poor Piper but had the biggest beaming smile at the end when the fae which I believed was the spirit of his dead grandfather came to find him and finally bring him home did I get that right because I am now a fan of yours and would love to know the secret of this wonderful story lots oi love from William alias snooker 155 please check me out too and review me too it would mean a lot to me if you did
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
-
Hi William,
Thank you for the excellent review and stars. I am flattered by you saying you cried for poor Piper, but smiled at the end. Well, the Fae isn't Piper's grandfather, but he knows something out his grandfather that will surprise Piper. That does sound like a lovely twist though. I like it. More to come.
Debi
-
chuffedx
Comment from Writingfundimension
Your opening paragraph is beautifully written, Debi. Here I can see the poet at work:
'Darkness deepened. The moon rose over the trees and inched its way high into the night sky. Stars multiplied and gathered into constellations.'
I absolutely love the direction you are taking this story. Your writing is clean and lovely to read. Bravo, my friend!
For your consideration:
'Piper hope(d) so.'
:) Bev
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
 |
Your opening paragraph is beautifully written, Debi. Here I can see the poet at work:
'Darkness deepened. The moon rose over the trees and inched its way high into the night sky. Stars multiplied and gathered into constellations.'
I absolutely love the direction you are taking this story. Your writing is clean and lovely to read. Bravo, my friend!
For your consideration:
'Piper hope(d) so.'
:) Bev
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
-
Wow! Thank you for the fabulous six stars, Bev. I appreciate the SPAG alert. It helps to have another set of eyes on it. I appreciate the encouraging comments about the writing. Debi
-
You're very welcome, Debi. :) Bev