Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Koko's Secret"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
24 total reviews
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, I really enjoyed this story, this chapter. I really like Archie as a very smart man who seems to be able to get through his captivity. Now, he is developing a relationship with Koko to help her escape these surroundings. Your dialogue between characters is always very engaging and makes each character seems to be alive with their different thoughts of what and where they are.
Well done Rhonda. Take care my favorite friend,,,,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Rhonda, I really enjoyed this story, this chapter. I really like Archie as a very smart man who seems to be able to get through his captivity. Now, he is developing a relationship with Koko to help her escape these surroundings. Your dialogue between characters is always very engaging and makes each character seems to be alive with their different thoughts of what and where they are.
Well done Rhonda. Take care my favorite friend,,,,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you for your wonderful review, dear Jim! You encourage me with your words and thoughts.
I'm glad the dialogue was good. I like to talk. hahaha.
Take care,
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--so, Koko is easy, Huh? I KNEW it--no, time for Archie and Koko to bail, me thinks, but then, I'm an idiot, so what do I know. I do know I'd be on the highway at the word 'sterilized!'
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda--so, Koko is easy, Huh? I KNEW it--no, time for Archie and Koko to bail, me thinks, but then, I'm an idiot, so what do I know. I do know I'd be on the highway at the word 'sterilized!'
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Yeah, Archie was about to bolt, too!! haha.
Well, Koko is married, and is pregnant because their sterilization techniques are shoddy.
Oh well, there they consider pregnancy taboo.
Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Rhonda
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So, she's married, AND easy, lucky husband--that's very often not the case!
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All too true!!
Comment from lyenochka
Exciting plot development! Love how you use the dialog to build the suspense. I am impressed that Archie figured out about Koko and pieced things together. Great use of dialog to build the story.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Exciting plot development! Love how you use the dialog to build the suspense. I am impressed that Archie figured out about Koko and pieced things together. Great use of dialog to build the story.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much. Archie is very good at making observations. It's part of his nature... more later on that...
Comment from ciliverde
Sometimes I hesitate to read a chapter in the middle of a story, but in this case I'm glad I did. I was fascinated from beginning to end by the dynamics of the women in this strange community. I'll definitely follow this story!
Carol
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Sometimes I hesitate to read a chapter in the middle of a story, but in this case I'm glad I did. I was fascinated from beginning to end by the dynamics of the women in this strange community. I'll definitely follow this story!
Carol
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much. You're not that far into the book.
Archie is a United States Senator from the State of Texas. He's also the President's son.
He was out scoping out New Mexico for a committee he was on when a deer ran in front of his Ferrari and caused him to crash.
He was rescued from the desert by a group of people from a cult-like village called Hokee.
In Hokee, the people are part of an experiment to improve the human condition by taking orphans and raising them isolated from many of the modern conveniences that make mankind weak.
The leader, Leander, choses what babies are brought to the village, and doesn't want anyone to know about the place so they can maintain their isolation. So, Archie is now a prisoner.
There are 12 houses in Hokee, each named after a desert creature. The jobs of the people in the houses is supposed to reflect the qualities of the animals.
Strangely, the people are taught to fear and despise animals, in spite of a need for meat and wool.
The Hawks, where Leander Jr. lives, are the rulers and are very exacting.
The Cougars are the strong arms of the Hawks, and dish out whatever punishment is required, even to sending miscreants to another settlement they have up North in the mines.
I hope this helped!
Rhonda
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Thanks for the plot description - wow, what an interesting society to people! Archie seems to be in hot water here. I wonder what the tarantula people are like?? You've got a great story line going here :))
Carol
Comment from CEO2020
This is an excellent story. Suspenseful and extremely well-written. Example -
"Archie crept toward a ladder-like staircase, his senses on high alert. He could smell the earthy odor of dirt walls, feel unexpected coolness in the air, and hear the whoosh of wind entering paneless windows."
The opening sentence captures suspense with excellent imagery used in a flawless flow. I do not understand why this book isn't nominated among the Books of the Month?
Regardless, your writing is in the same class and truly worthy to be recognized. But the best often go unrecognized. Continue your way because it is the best way!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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This is an excellent story. Suspenseful and extremely well-written. Example -
"Archie crept toward a ladder-like staircase, his senses on high alert. He could smell the earthy odor of dirt walls, feel unexpected coolness in the air, and hear the whoosh of wind entering paneless windows."
The opening sentence captures suspense with excellent imagery used in a flawless flow. I do not understand why this book isn't nominated among the Books of the Month?
Regardless, your writing is in the same class and truly worthy to be recognized. But the best often go unrecognized. Continue your way because it is the best way!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, my friend for your specific and positive feedback!
I don't know why it isn't entered. Who knows?
I got author of the month for November, so maybe that was there way of honoring it.
Thank you for thinking of me in it, anyway!!
Comment from Dustybones
Another great write for posting. Still catching up to Archie. He's making plans to escape regardless of being in serious trouble. Can't wait to read what's going to happen next. Boyd
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Another great write for posting. Still catching up to Archie. He's making plans to escape regardless of being in serious trouble. Can't wait to read what's going to happen next. Boyd
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Boyd! Yes, Archie isn't one to give up easily, especially now he's found a compatriot. Oh course, getting by the ever vigilant Ayala isn't going to be easy...
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
this is a brilliant idea for a story! So clever I am very impressed with your general standard of writing and overall characterisation, really quite amazing,fantastic!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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this is a brilliant idea for a story! So clever I am very impressed with your general standard of writing and overall characterisation, really quite amazing,fantastic!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Meia!! You are too kind. I'm glad you like the book, and the characters. I'm about to add a few to the l;ist, but it won't be as bunched up as the Daredevil Girls.
Thanks again!
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
An enjoyable read - allowing me to get to know the characters - all so entriguing (Mind, that spider scared the life out of me - I don't even like pictures of them.
"Koko, don't you know that type of language will only get you sent to the mines?" - Here, Rhonda, using the "type of language" doesn't sound quite right in the circumstances - (Language suggests bad language - i.e. swearing) might I suggest:
"Koko, don't you know that type of talk will only get you sent to the mines?" - What do you think?
Margaret
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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An enjoyable read - allowing me to get to know the characters - all so entriguing (Mind, that spider scared the life out of me - I don't even like pictures of them.
"Koko, don't you know that type of language will only get you sent to the mines?" - Here, Rhonda, using the "type of language" doesn't sound quite right in the circumstances - (Language suggests bad language - i.e. swearing) might I suggest:
"Koko, don't you know that type of talk will only get you sent to the mines?" - What do you think?
Margaret
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Oh, that sounds much better, thanks!!
Here's a summary in case you came in late to the story:
Archie is a United States Senator from the State of Texas. He's also the President's son.
He was out scoping out New Mexico for a committee he was on when a deer ran in front of his Ferrari and caused him to crash.
He was rescued from the desert by a group of people from a cult-like village called Hokee.
In Hokee, the people are part of an experiment to improve the human condition by taking orphans and raising them isolated from many of the modern conveniences that make mankind weak.
The leader, Leander, choses what babies are brought to the village, and doesn't want anyone to know about the place so they can maintain their isolation. So, Archie is now a prisoner.
There are 12 houses in Hokee, each named after a desert creature. The jobs of the people in the houses is supposed to reflect the qualities of the animals.
Strangely, the people are taught to fear and despise animals, in spite of a need for meat and wool.
The Hawks, where Leander Jr. lives, are the rulers and are very exacting.
The Cougars are the strong arms of the Hawks, and dish out whatever punishment is required, even to sending miscreants to another settlement they have up North in the mines.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is really well done. I was completely caught up in the story from beginning to end. I hope the escape goes well, but I doubt it will be that simple or else how would you hold us spellbound. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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This is really well done. I was completely caught up in the story from beginning to end. I hope the escape goes well, but I doubt it will be that simple or else how would you hold us spellbound. Nicely done and I thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much! I appreciate the positive comments and support, my friend. Have a great week!
Comment from robina1978
Nice photo of an insect that complements your chapter perfectly. It is almost completely dialect. I thoroughly enjoy how you made the insects into humans, Very clever. No changes needed.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Nice photo of an insect that complements your chapter perfectly. It is almost completely dialect. I thoroughly enjoy how you made the insects into humans, Very clever. No changes needed.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much. It did end up being a lot of dialogue. I didn't intend it to be that way, but chapters have a way of writing themselves sometimes. haha.
Thanks so much!