The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "The Piper, part 11"Young Adult Fantasy
20 total reviews
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Redd-Leif Summerstorm, I love that name. I'm sure he was the person with white hair meeting mid-air a few feet from Piper.
He broke the wolves neck and took the bots off with him. He has been trying to get Piper alone for a long time. What's on his mind? Good Job Debi. Nancy
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Redd-Leif Summerstorm, I love that name. I'm sure he was the person with white hair meeting mid-air a few feet from Piper.
He broke the wolves neck and took the bots off with him. He has been trying to get Piper alone for a long time. What's on his mind? Good Job Debi. Nancy
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Hi Nancy,
Thank you for the great analysis of the story and your thoughts on how it may be going. I appreciate you following along and for the encouragement.
Debi
Comment from robyn corum
WJ,
YUM! This is the first of this story I think I have happened across, and I enjoyed it very much. The writing was impeccable and I only found one tiny little nit - barely worth mentioning. Great writing! I will look forward to seeing more!
1.) He jerked toward the sound, every muscle (taut) as he
Thanks!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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WJ,
YUM! This is the first of this story I think I have happened across, and I enjoyed it very much. The writing was impeccable and I only found one tiny little nit - barely worth mentioning. Great writing! I will look forward to seeing more!
1.) He jerked toward the sound, every muscle (taut) as he
Thanks!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Thank you for catching that little nit -- it certainly changes the meaning. I appreciate the close read that caught it.
I am happy to hear you enjoyed the story and look forward to seeing more. Those are words all writers love to hear!
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi my friend, I come back to the story after a long time. So please forgive if I happen to go wrong on the review. I still like the drift of the story which I remember, at least the one I read, and it is still excellent and carefully preserved .as i remember I mentioned once the language is clear, simple and crisp and and says everything outright. I love the plot which is compact and evolving.
I wait to follow up soon.
Stay well.
As i mentioned I am using my friend's name as signature.
Danny Jock
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Hi my friend, I come back to the story after a long time. So please forgive if I happen to go wrong on the review. I still like the drift of the story which I remember, at least the one I read, and it is still excellent and carefully preserved .as i remember I mentioned once the language is clear, simple and crisp and and says everything outright. I love the plot which is compact and evolving.
I wait to follow up soon.
Stay well.
As i mentioned I am using my friend's name as signature.
Danny Jock
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Hi Danny (I am still not used to the change, but I will try)
Thank you for the kind comments about the language and the plot. I appreciate you stopping in to read and review.
Debi
Comment from giraffmang
The finding the attack site scene is well described. I like the short terse sentences. It's purely a choice but you could punctuate them with semi-colons rather than full stops for a slightly tighter read.
He probed it with his sword - maybe prodded here?
Good character development with Burkehart here, especially at the end. Excellent fear and tension coming through in this chapter also.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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The finding the attack site scene is well described. I like the short terse sentences. It's purely a choice but you could punctuate them with semi-colons rather than full stops for a slightly tighter read.
He probed it with his sword - maybe prodded here?
Good character development with Burkehart here, especially at the end. Excellent fear and tension coming through in this chapter also.
All the best
G
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Hi G,
Thank you for continuing to follow the story. I did mean prodded. I'll blame spellcheck for making it probed. I have changed it. I'll play with semi colons and see what I think. I appreciate the suggestions. Thank you for the encouraging comments about the character development, and the fear and tension.
Debi
Comment from ciliverde
I wanted to give you a six for this too, but I try to distribute them around...sorry, I have missed some chapters I think, as I said in the last review, FS is not alerting me to your postings, even though I am a Fan. The story is moving along here at an action-packed clip. The boys are missing, but are they taken by wolves or the Fair Folk...which fate is worse depends on who's talking, apparently. I have a feeling, though, that the Fair Folk have them and they're being good in this case...
Carol
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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I wanted to give you a six for this too, but I try to distribute them around...sorry, I have missed some chapters I think, as I said in the last review, FS is not alerting me to your postings, even though I am a Fan. The story is moving along here at an action-packed clip. The boys are missing, but are they taken by wolves or the Fair Folk...which fate is worse depends on who's talking, apparently. I have a feeling, though, that the Fair Folk have them and they're being good in this case...
Carol
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Hi Carol,
So good to hear from you. Thank you for the virtual six and the encouraging comments about the story. I hope to have the next chapter posted soon.
Debi
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Your writing is exciting and engaging. You don't use unnecessary words in your descriptions and action, allowing a smooth flow of though.
You use short sentences to build suspense. Great job of pulling me into the story.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Your writing is exciting and engaging. You don't use unnecessary words in your descriptions and action, allowing a smooth flow of though.
You use short sentences to build suspense. Great job of pulling me into the story.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Hi Rhonda,
Thank you for the encouraging comments and analysis of the story. I am so pleased you found it exciting and engaging.
Debi
Comment from MsPetra
It seems as if your story is moving along nicely. It was descriptive enough for me to visualize it. It is a good read. I am wondering what will come next.
Please keep writing. I am looking forward to your next installment.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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It seems as if your story is moving along nicely. It was descriptive enough for me to visualize it. It is a good read. I am wondering what will come next.
Please keep writing. I am looking forward to your next installment.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging remarks. It is so nice to hear that you enjoyed the story and want more. It is music to my ears. Thank you!
Comment from Thal1959
This is the first chapter I have read form any of the writers that has no apparent mistakes or suffers from ambiguity. The only possible error comes with the mixing of Fae folk and Fair folk. I presume they are referring to the same entities, but I don't know why you would alternate between the two. But I am presuming this is something I am missing, so it doesn't merit losing the sixth star. Very well done.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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This is the first chapter I have read form any of the writers that has no apparent mistakes or suffers from ambiguity. The only possible error comes with the mixing of Fae folk and Fair folk. I presume they are referring to the same entities, but I don't know why you would alternate between the two. But I am presuming this is something I am missing, so it doesn't merit losing the sixth star. Very well done.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for the bright shiny six stars. I appreciate the encouraging comments about the writing.
It sounds like I should include another line in my author notes for those just joining the story. Fair Folk is an ancient term that was often used to include all fairy type creatures, also know as Fairy Folk, or Faery Folk. In general it includes most non-human peoples often considered magical such as elves, brownies, fairies, gnomes, sprites, etc., and also the Fae who were a separate race.
Again, thank you for the encouraging review. I appreciate you stopping by to read and review.
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Thanks for the explanation --- by the way, I'm glad you said, " such as elves, brownies, fairies..." because I have a pan of brownies calling my name right now - bye.
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LOL. I may need to do some baking tonight.
Comment from winnona
Another well-written piece.This chapter continues from the last flowing from beginning to end. Your use of detail and realistic characters brings the story to life for me as I read it.Pipers, wolves, and elves. The imagination and creativity flows in the chapter,
well done.
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reply by the author on 28-Jan-2017
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Another well-written piece.This chapter continues from the last flowing from beginning to end. Your use of detail and realistic characters brings the story to life for me as I read it.Pipers, wolves, and elves. The imagination and creativity flows in the chapter,
well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2017
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LOL. Looks like you were reading my story as I was reading yours.
Thank you so much for the encouraging review. I appreciate your comments about the realistic characters and the flow of the story. Thank you so much.
Comment from Spitfire
Excellent descriptive passages about the dead wolf. You know how to rev up the suspense. Apparently the Fair Folk aren't as nice as their name implies. Topnotch writing.
Ouch. No sixes left.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2017
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Excellent descriptive passages about the dead wolf. You know how to rev up the suspense. Apparently the Fair Folk aren't as nice as their name implies. Topnotch writing.
Ouch. No sixes left.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2017
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Hi Shari,
Thank you for the excellent review and encouraging comments. Love the comment about the suspense. That's what I was hoping for in this chapter. Have a wonderful weekend. It is the end of the week so sixes are scarce. No worries. I appreciate you continuing to follow the story.
Debi