Comment from mvbrooks

Excellent

Fun read with a very brief -- yet honorable summary of the original story and a great, smooth way to use your new word. What an intriguing challenge you've made for yourself.

A suggestion--since these words are new to many of us as well, it might be helpful to give the pronunciation. I figured it out based on the rhyme scheme in this case, but just a thought for "stranger" future word offerings.

Enjoy your vocabulary journey.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2018

---

reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

Thanks for the kind review. I do think your suggestion is a good one. However, the book itself doesn't break the words down phonetically, like in a dictionary. And most of the more obscure ones won't be in a dictionary to check. So basically, I'm just taking a "best guess" with the really weird ones, and couldn't dictate with any confidence how someone should say them. But I appreciate the suggestion, and if there seems to be some doubt, I'll make an attempt for find the correct pronunciation :)

Craig

reply by mvbrooks on 15-Jan-2018

thanks....looking forward to your next poem.

Comment from James H. Oldfield

Excellent

Very good, a thoroughly enjoyable read.

A thought for the first line of stanza two: "turned the King's day to bad" felt a little forced. Perhaps "turned a good day to bad" (I think it would be implied, that you were referring to the King)?

Stanza two, line three: it my just be the way I'm reading it, but it felt like it was missing a syllable. Maybe "the King's face turned plum red" (or similar)?

'Neon' jarred with me, in stanza two, line four, as it seemed a somewhat modern term, in a more traditional piece (as in, it seemed the King wouldn't have known what neon was). This, however, is probably just me being pedantic, so as I can't think of a better alternative, perhaps best to ignore me, there :)

Good job, take care.

-James

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2018

---

reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

Hi James,

Thank you for your detailed and helpful comments.

Firstly, regarding stanza two, line 1 - I like your version better, and have changed it - thank you.

For line three of stanza two, the way it is has ten syllables. Line three in the other two stanzas has ten as well, so I'm thinking for consistency it is probably ok?

I'll come clean - I had the same thought concerning the word "neon". However, like you, I couldn't think of something better. I justified it to myself by saying it could be a modern take on an old tale - it doesn't have to be set in mid-nineteenth century Denmark.

Again, many thanks,
Craig

reply by James H. Oldfield on 15-Jan-2018

I had the same thought on 'neon', whilst writing my review ('well James, you're just ASSUMING it's a 19th Century court..." :) ).

Fair enough, with the syllable count, as I say, it may just have been me reading wrong in the first place :)

-James