His Liliana, Her Antonio
Oh, the passions they share!22 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Yvette. LOL This reminds me of something from Shakespeare;s "Taming of The Shrew" Were you watching Kiss Me Kate on TCM when you wrote this? LOL very good show of bad temper here. Bless you. Good Luck in the contest. Bob
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Hi, Yvette. LOL This reminds me of something from Shakespeare;s "Taming of The Shrew" Were you watching Kiss Me Kate on TCM when you wrote this? LOL very good show of bad temper here. Bless you. Good Luck in the contest. Bob
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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He-he...no, not a big TV person, although that is certainly one of the stations I watch when I do. Thanx for stopping in for the read and review, Bob - always appreciated. :) Have a great weekend! Yvette
Comment from country ranch writer
It takes all kinds to make the world go round so who am I to say different. Some are silent in their display of passion and others get physical when rubbed the wrong way working themselves into a sexual frenzy.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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It takes all kinds to make the world go round so who am I to say different. Some are silent in their display of passion and others get physical when rubbed the wrong way working themselves into a sexual frenzy.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the read and review -- always appreciated! :) ;)
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Smiles
Comment from Shanbreen
Yvette, this was wonderfully written. The crazier the woman was, the better she was in bed -- interesting.=) I wonder if the positive slope would also hold for men? -- in retrospect, I'd think it would.=)
Okay, this was very good flash fiction, and you convey the sexual passion erupting from a fight very well.
Two things:
1. "My love," he said calmly, seductively. ("ly" words tell, they do not show. Perhaps, something like "his voice calm, running his tongue over his lips" -- something like that?
Even if you do use an "ly" word once in a while, it doesn't seem to work in:
"Liliana screamed, stomping her foot, jostling her ample breasts invitingly."
At this point Liliana is still mad at him-- she is not jostling anything 'invitingly.' =)
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Yvette, this was wonderfully written. The crazier the woman was, the better she was in bed -- interesting.=) I wonder if the positive slope would also hold for men? -- in retrospect, I'd think it would.=)
Okay, this was very good flash fiction, and you convey the sexual passion erupting from a fight very well.
Two things:
1. "My love," he said calmly, seductively. ("ly" words tell, they do not show. Perhaps, something like "his voice calm, running his tongue over his lips" -- something like that?
Even if you do use an "ly" word once in a while, it doesn't seem to work in:
"Liliana screamed, stomping her foot, jostling her ample breasts invitingly."
At this point Liliana is still mad at him-- she is not jostling anything 'invitingly.' =)
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your input, Shanbreen, and for taking the time to read about Antonio and Liliana. I very much appreciate both. And thank you so very much for the well wishes -- have a wonderful evening! :) Yvette
Comment from pbomar1115
Clearly, this is a couple who knows each other well. Their foreplay is a hanker the two thirst before making love. It would be an error to say that this is the norm for the average couple. This hot and steamy lovemaking are found in novels.
Phillip
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Clearly, this is a couple who knows each other well. Their foreplay is a hanker the two thirst before making love. It would be an error to say that this is the norm for the average couple. This hot and steamy lovemaking are found in novels.
Phillip
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your input, Phillip, and for taking the time to read about Antonio and Liliana. I very much appreciate both. And thank you so very much for the well wishes -- have a wonderful evening! :) Yvette
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You're welcome, Yvette.
Phillip
Comment from Ricky1024
This is a , 'Flash Fiction Poetry Contest Entree' Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It read well and flowed well with no Grammar errors or issues.
Adjective Content and Objective Content were both Excellentescriptive.
Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Good luck with this and have a Blessed day.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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This is a , 'Flash Fiction Poetry Contest Entree' Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It read well and flowed well with no Grammar errors or issues.
Adjective Content and Objective Content were both Excellentescriptive.
Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Good luck with this and have a Blessed day.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your input, Doctor Ricky 1024, and for taking the time to read about Antonio and Liliana. I very much appreciate both. And thank you so very much for the well wishes -- have a wonderful evening! :) Yvette
Comment from barkingdog
Your wrote this very realistically. I guess, it does take a certain kind of crazy to be turned on in a kitchen that reeks of dog shit.
I'd have thrown the poo-shoe. haha.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Your wrote this very realistically. I guess, it does take a certain kind of crazy to be turned on in a kitchen that reeks of dog shit.
I'd have thrown the poo-shoe. haha.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your input, barking dog, and for taking the time to read about Antonio and Liliana. I very much appreciate both. And thank you for the well wishes -- have a wonderful evening! :)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Hot passionate sensual scenes here and women can tantalise with her charms and get away with being fiesty and men often see this in a sexual way, I enjoyed your words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Hot passionate sensual scenes here and women can tantalise with her charms and get away with being fiesty and men often see this in a sexual way, I enjoyed your words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your input, Dolly, and for taking the time to read about Antonio and Liliana. I very much appreciate both. And thank you so very much for the well wishes -- have a wonderful evening! :) Yvette
Comment from Debbie Pope
My goodness, Yvette. You should not be wasting your time in teacher meetings. You should be writing every waking moment. In this piece, you write with abandon and passion. My son is marrying into an Italian family next summer. Hope he is in for some of the passion and excitement that you mention.
Good luck in the contest. This was awesome.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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My goodness, Yvette. You should not be wasting your time in teacher meetings. You should be writing every waking moment. In this piece, you write with abandon and passion. My son is marrying into an Italian family next summer. Hope he is in for some of the passion and excitement that you mention.
Good luck in the contest. This was awesome.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your input, Debbie, and for taking the time to read about Antonio and Liliana. I very much appreciate both. And I am so glad that you enjoyed it - I certainly enjoyed writing it. I don't think that my style of writing is quite what the 'experts' on this sight are looking for, but c'est la vie -- still fun, I guess. :) :)
I am certainly glad to hear about your son -- how wonderful!! :) :) Are they having a big wedding? I remember all of my family's weddings growing up -- oh my goodness! Big Catholic New Orleans Italian weddings - oh the memories -- WOW!! :) ;)
Again, thanx for the review and those stars, my friend -- you have certainly made my day (is it the weekend yet - lol!)!! :) ;) Have a wonderful evening, Beautiful Birmingham Friend! :) Yvette
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Oh yes. The wedding is going to be spectacular. Wedding in Stamford, Connecticut and the reception in New Rochelle. There is quite the Italian contingent in Stamford. Preston was interviewed on tv at some Italian festival because "Why you don't look Italian." I am hoping to learn a little Italian to surprise them at the wedding. I am counting down the days.
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Hey - need to try that "Babel" through Google. It's really good for learning "casual and useful" -- I've incorporated it as one of the three pillars of my son's Spanish class for this year and it's been great! It's very reasonable and you can pay for whatever length of time you like. Just a suggestion...have a great weekend, ma'am! :) ;)
Comment from l.d.lauritzen
The way you started the story brought us into the scene very clearly.
few suggestions:He laughed, stepping forward.-drop the gerund,venturing.
Liliana screamed, stomping her foot, jostling her inviting breasts.
A coffee mug glanced off his arm and crashed into the refrigerator,
bursting.-the way it's written it sounds like it flew into the refrigerator.
his fiery beauty-testy not crazy
Last-Liliana's passion burned hotter than her anger.
good job. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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The way you started the story brought us into the scene very clearly.
few suggestions:He laughed, stepping forward.-drop the gerund,venturing.
Liliana screamed, stomping her foot, jostling her inviting breasts.
A coffee mug glanced off his arm and crashed into the refrigerator,
bursting.-the way it's written it sounds like it flew into the refrigerator.
his fiery beauty-testy not crazy
Last-Liliana's passion burned hotter than her anger.
good job. Keep writing.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your input, l. d. lauritzen, and for taking the time to read about Antonio and Liliana. I very much appreciate both. :) And thank you for the well wishes -- have a wonderful evening! :)
Comment from Adri7enne
I enjoyed it. Always a bit of crazy involved in anger turning into sexual frenzy, but always interesting and entertaining. And who doesn't dream of the lover who backs you up against a wall and takes advantage of the heightened emotions involved in rage? Makes me a bit nostalgic for a particular lover who knew when to strike when the fires burned hot. Whew! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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I enjoyed it. Always a bit of crazy involved in anger turning into sexual frenzy, but always interesting and entertaining. And who doesn't dream of the lover who backs you up against a wall and takes advantage of the heightened emotions involved in rage? Makes me a bit nostalgic for a particular lover who knew when to strike when the fires burned hot. Whew! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your input, Adri7enne, and for taking the time to read about Antonio and Liliana. And thank you so very much for the well wishes -- have a wonderful evening! :) Yvette