Miscellaneous Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "An apology"Poems not in other books
17 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you use the opening phrase "I can" to full benefit as you introduce the overall tone and content of your piece. The imagery, while bleak, is vivid and certainly evokes the emotions intended by he writer. The only thing that is a trifle troubling for me is that your opening stanza is three lines and all the others are four. Opening with a different line count or meter creates momentum and impact but, generally when that device is used the poem should end with the closing mirroring the openings structure or duplicating it exactly - it's no biggie just something to think about for future. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly as you use the opening phrase "I can" to full benefit as you introduce the overall tone and content of your piece. The imagery, while bleak, is vivid and certainly evokes the emotions intended by he writer. The only thing that is a trifle troubling for me is that your opening stanza is three lines and all the others are four. Opening with a different line count or meter creates momentum and impact but, generally when that device is used the poem should end with the closing mirroring the openings structure or duplicating it exactly - it's no biggie just something to think about for future. Good luck in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Hi there,
The line counts for each "stanza" are 3,5,6,4,5,4,4, so it's not that they are all the same but one. I wasn't going for a specific line count, but rather "grouping together" ideas in a way I thought made sense. Nevertheless, free verse isn't something I do often, and I appreciate the suggestion.
Most grateful for the kind and thoughtful review :)
Craig
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Ahhh, I see now what you were shooting for. Apologies. Free verse is like sitting beneath a swinging double edged sword for me LOL.
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Haha -- we are agreed on that!
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, An Apology, finds its way into our flesh-eating minds as your words attempt to guilt the happy meat-lover into becoming a vegetarian. Then, eventually, I won't be able to look a potato in the eyes.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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This poem, An Apology, finds its way into our flesh-eating minds as your words attempt to guilt the happy meat-lover into becoming a vegetarian. Then, eventually, I won't be able to look a potato in the eyes.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Ah, but when is the last time you looked any part of your dinner in the eye? Methinks I detect an oxymoron in there. Thanks, Bill :)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem from the point of view of a murderer of innocent children that suddenly have a conscious mind about his terrible deeds and thinks about apologizing.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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A very well-written poem from the point of view of a murderer of innocent children that suddenly have a conscious mind about his terrible deeds and thinks about apologizing.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Yes, murderer is a fair description, Sandra. The children weren't human, so he's unlikely to go to gaol for it. Many thanks, Craig :)
Comment from Teri7
Craig, This poem have me a bit confused the more I read. At first I thought you were talking about the border children. Then I thought you were talking about an animal or bug you would smush. I have to say you used very good descriptive words with whatever you were describing. Best wishes in the contest my friend. Blessings, Teri
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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Craig, This poem have me a bit confused the more I read. At first I thought you were talking about the border children. Then I thought you were talking about an animal or bug you would smush. I have to say you used very good descriptive words with whatever you were describing. Best wishes in the contest my friend. Blessings, Teri
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Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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I was describing what we usually call "dinner", Teri. We forget how it got to be on our plate, and that it was once someone's child. Thanks for the kind words :) Craig
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This sounds like someone who suddenly has become a vegetarian. LOL I have given up beef and have been eating chicken for a few years now. I see the Elk and Deer and hate the thought of the hunt, but it is a family tradition. Not mine, his. LOL Well done Craig. Nancy:)
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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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This sounds like someone who suddenly has become a vegetarian. LOL I have given up beef and have been eating chicken for a few years now. I see the Elk and Deer and hate the thought of the hunt, but it is a family tradition. Not mine, his. LOL Well done Craig. Nancy:)
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Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Suddenly, yes, but not recently, Nancy. Thanks for the fun review. Golf can be a fun family tradition ;-) Cheers, Craig
Comment from BeasPeas
Amen to that! Excellent post, Craig. How trivially humanity sees the lives of other creatures as they are raised and slaughtered for food. It's only disassociation that keeps sanity of those who eat it.
"Short years, full of misery
unseen and unimagined
by those who first encounter them
shrink-wrapped on foam trays."
Marilyn
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Amen to that! Excellent post, Craig. How trivially humanity sees the lives of other creatures as they are raised and slaughtered for food. It's only disassociation that keeps sanity of those who eat it.
"Short years, full of misery
unseen and unimagined
by those who first encounter them
shrink-wrapped on foam trays."
Marilyn
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Absolutely, Marilyn. It's shocking, in retrospect, to think how we could ever have turned a blind eye... at least I find it so. Thanks for the supportive comments and the wonderful, glowing rating. Cheers, Craig
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As kids we eat what's put in front of us without thought of where it came from. As we become more aware, we're revolted by such suffering.
Comment from Debbie Pope
Thank you, thank you for writing this. This should get poem of the century. Your arguments are so intelligent and compelling. Your images are moving. I love every line but particularly your statement that none will survive more than a couple of years "of the decades nature intended for them." Seems like meat eaters are going against nature doesn't it.
I saw a documentary last week on stem cell beef. I know enough about stem cell research to know that one heart cell can replicate a heart and actually start beating. Stem cell beef offers hope to me, because the masses will never give up meat.
Once again, thanks for using your talents for those who can't help themselves.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Thank you, thank you for writing this. This should get poem of the century. Your arguments are so intelligent and compelling. Your images are moving. I love every line but particularly your statement that none will survive more than a couple of years "of the decades nature intended for them." Seems like meat eaters are going against nature doesn't it.
I saw a documentary last week on stem cell beef. I know enough about stem cell research to know that one heart cell can replicate a heart and actually start beating. Stem cell beef offers hope to me, because the masses will never give up meat.
Once again, thanks for using your talents for those who can't help themselves.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2019
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Yes, I think there are definitely possibilities to be explored and developed there, Debbie. I don't know all that much about stem cell research, but the little I've heard is amazing.
I might get under a few skins with my observations, but I've a lot of years to make up for, so I can live with that ;-)
Thanks for the kind and supportive words and the wonderful rating. I really appreciate both.
Craig