The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 87 "Abdul and the Pink Elephants"A Novel
31 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
I like your style. I've missed reading quite a few of your posts in this series (real life has a knack of claiming my time), so I haven't can't say I identify with either of your main character to any extent, but that's really down to me.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
I should have liked to have quizzed the man from the High Commission for more details. -- If this was mine, I'd omit the first "have". I know it's a picky point, but I think it reads better without it.
I could only guess what might lie ahead but was relieved to know, at least, that we were not entirely alone. -- Personally, I'm always looking to omit the word that whenever I can. The reason is because unnecessary words tend to detract from the pace of the prose. So, if removing the word that doesn't change the meaning, then I will delete it. Such is the case here. The snappier result has the same meaning: I could only guess what might lie ahead but was relieved to know, at least, we were not entirely alone.
I gave an involuntary shudder -- To me, a "shudder" implies that it's involuntary unless indicated otherwise. I'd omit "involuntary". It just a personal choice...
I like the use of the "white stucco" building, and describing Montague's way of speaking as "staccato". The alliteration links them (albeit in a tenuous way). That's neatly crafted {smiles}.
as if she were a teacher dealing with two rather silly children -- Nice simile. It's visual {smiles}.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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I like your style. I've missed reading quite a few of your posts in this series (real life has a knack of claiming my time), so I haven't can't say I identify with either of your main character to any extent, but that's really down to me.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
I should have liked to have quizzed the man from the High Commission for more details. -- If this was mine, I'd omit the first "have". I know it's a picky point, but I think it reads better without it.
I could only guess what might lie ahead but was relieved to know, at least, that we were not entirely alone. -- Personally, I'm always looking to omit the word that whenever I can. The reason is because unnecessary words tend to detract from the pace of the prose. So, if removing the word that doesn't change the meaning, then I will delete it. Such is the case here. The snappier result has the same meaning: I could only guess what might lie ahead but was relieved to know, at least, we were not entirely alone.
I gave an involuntary shudder -- To me, a "shudder" implies that it's involuntary unless indicated otherwise. I'd omit "involuntary". It just a personal choice...
I like the use of the "white stucco" building, and describing Montague's way of speaking as "staccato". The alliteration links them (albeit in a tenuous way). That's neatly crafted {smiles}.
as if she were a teacher dealing with two rather silly children -- Nice simile. It's visual {smiles}.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Alex, for your review and suggestions. Most helpful. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from Sankey
Well done and good to see we still have SIXES. I have a lot of funny money to use up have to come up with some more rambles soon. Does he get to clean off his disguise yet?
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
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Well done and good to see we still have SIXES. I have a lot of funny money to use up have to come up with some more rambles soon. Does he get to clean off his disguise yet?
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Geoffrey. I appreciate the sixth star. Will look forward to a future ramble or two.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very well written chapter, my friend. Being a travel writer sounds a lot warmer, although trekking might be more exciting, I think. Interesting and enjoyable chapter~Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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A very well written chapter, my friend. Being a travel writer sounds a lot warmer, although trekking might be more exciting, I think. Interesting and enjoyable chapter~Debbie
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Debbie. I appreciate your review and comments. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Funny who knows what? Who is the spy and what become of the mission. a very well build chapter that increases the presumptions on the side of the reader. I like the playful way you choose to end your chapter:" He's a C.M.G., you know."
Helen looked puzzled. "C.M.G.? What does that stand for?"
"Companion of the Order of St. Michael and St. George," I said as I left the room. "A bit of a mouthful, isn't it? If you prefer the simpler version, it's Call Me God. Either way, he doesn't want to see you."
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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Funny who knows what? Who is the spy and what become of the mission. a very well build chapter that increases the presumptions on the side of the reader. I like the playful way you choose to end your chapter:" He's a C.M.G., you know."
Helen looked puzzled. "C.M.G.? What does that stand for?"
"Companion of the Order of St. Michael and St. George," I said as I left the room. "A bit of a mouthful, isn't it? If you prefer the simpler version, it's Call Me God. Either way, he doesn't want to see you."
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 24-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Iza. I appreciate your review and comments. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from lyenochka
Things are really getting tense and yet you are able to break the tension with lighthearted references to the White Rabbit as well as banter about skin color references that match tree names. I like how your experience in the RAF will help in describing the trek in the mountains. Hope Helen is up to it!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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Things are really getting tense and yet you are able to break the tension with lighthearted references to the White Rabbit as well as banter about skin color references that match tree names. I like how your experience in the RAF will help in describing the trek in the mountains. Hope Helen is up to it!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Helen. I appreciate your review and comments. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from juliaSjames
So the adventure is about to begin in earnest. I admire the way you use humour to defuse tension as in the nicknames of Apricot and Walnut and the comparison of Monty with the White Rabbit.
I wonder if Charles and the Deputy High Commissioner will hit it off. By the way I believe CMG stands for Companion of the Order of St Michael and St George. Doesn't change the alternative version. LOL
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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So the adventure is about to begin in earnest. I admire the way you use humour to defuse tension as in the nicknames of Apricot and Walnut and the comparison of Monty with the White Rabbit.
I wonder if Charles and the Deputy High Commissioner will hit it off. By the way I believe CMG stands for Companion of the Order of St Michael and St George. Doesn't change the alternative version. LOL
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Julia. I appreciate your supportive comments. You?re right, of course, about Companion. Well spotted! I?ve changed it now. All good wishes, Tony.
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You're welcome Tony. Happy writing.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Okay, exactly what is going on. Charles just gets in deeper and deeper. I am still very concerned about him. You are doing a really great job writing this. You keep your readers on the edge wondering what comes next.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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Okay, exactly what is going on. Charles just gets in deeper and deeper. I am still very concerned about him. You are doing a really great job writing this. You keep your readers on the edge wondering what comes next.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Barbara. I appreciate your review and comments. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from royowen
I love the way your stories fairly skip along, they take on a great persona, you skilfully never rest in one place, I think you've read stories of a similar ilk. This book should be promoted, it's of a very high standard, with plot and characters to match, Charles is meeting the high commissioner, and is still suspicious of Helen, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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I love the way your stories fairly skip along, they take on a great persona, you skilfully never rest in one place, I think you've read stories of a similar ilk. This book should be promoted, it's of a very high standard, with plot and characters to match, Charles is meeting the high commissioner, and is still suspicious of Helen, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Roy. I appreciate your review and comments. All good wishes, Tony.
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Well done
Comment from estory
I thought this was a little slower paced but there was plenty of intrigue in it. We don't know what this new connection is up to; he doesn't want to see Helen. So what will happen to Charles when he goes for that interview? Lots of nice descriptions of the surroundings puts us there in the landscape, in the scene. estory
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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I thought this was a little slower paced but there was plenty of intrigue in it. We don't know what this new connection is up to; he doesn't want to see Helen. So what will happen to Charles when he goes for that interview? Lots of nice descriptions of the surroundings puts us there in the landscape, in the scene. estory
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Thanks, estory. I appreciate your comments. The pace will be picking up again soon. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from Adri7enne
Good writing, Tony. I can easily visualize these staid British personalities, carrying the English flag wherever they may travel throughout the globe. Lol! So we're going to follow our protagonists through the wilds of Pakistan next. Sounds like a dangerous mission. Well done!
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Good writing, Tony. I can easily visualize these staid British personalities, carrying the English flag wherever they may travel throughout the globe. Lol! So we're going to follow our protagonists through the wilds of Pakistan next. Sounds like a dangerous mission. Well done!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Thanks, Adrienne. The phlegmatic British. Backbone of the Empire (what was!) LOL