Love Letter on a Clipboard
Part One~42 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A good, solid start to the piece. Are you just posting one a month in the lead up to Christmas? Folk may forget it that far apart. lol
Kristin Spencer was a dedicated professional, but certain at the age of thirty-nine that love had passed her by.- whilst it may not be entirely germane to the storyline, what was she a professional in. It's a vague descriptor. We find out later on but it could be itroduced here.
She wore a cardigan with deep pockets as the average temperature in her wing felt like 62 degrees. - why were the deep pockets significant to the temp?
parchment-colored envelope pedantic perhaps, but parchment comes in many different colours.
We are just making sure you are sea worthy - seaworthy can be a single word here.
She tapped her way into his secluded area.- tapped seems an odd choice here.
"Was. I was, once," he said turning away." The old gentleman grew quiet.- delete the speech marks from after away.
Kristin noticed pictures on his dresser of a beautiful sailboat, and a faded photograph of a young woman. She wondered if it was his deceased wife.- this stuck out for me. Given that she's his patient, she'd have probably had these thoughts before. this feels more for the reader's benefit than anything else.
All the best
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Hi there,
A good, solid start to the piece. Are you just posting one a month in the lead up to Christmas? Folk may forget it that far apart. lol
Kristin Spencer was a dedicated professional, but certain at the age of thirty-nine that love had passed her by.- whilst it may not be entirely germane to the storyline, what was she a professional in. It's a vague descriptor. We find out later on but it could be itroduced here.
She wore a cardigan with deep pockets as the average temperature in her wing felt like 62 degrees. - why were the deep pockets significant to the temp?
parchment-colored envelope pedantic perhaps, but parchment comes in many different colours.
We are just making sure you are sea worthy - seaworthy can be a single word here.
She tapped her way into his secluded area.- tapped seems an odd choice here.
"Was. I was, once," he said turning away." The old gentleman grew quiet.- delete the speech marks from after away.
Kristin noticed pictures on his dresser of a beautiful sailboat, and a faded photograph of a young woman. She wondered if it was his deceased wife.- this stuck out for me. Given that she's his patient, she'd have probably had these thoughts before. this feels more for the reader's benefit than anything else.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thank you for the review and helpful critique. It is so appreciated. Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :+)
Comment from Raul1
This is an interesting write and I think that you're writing a book. I like this chapter, because it's interesting and unique. Excellent work! No grammatical errors.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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This is an interesting write and I think that you're writing a book. I like this chapter, because it's interesting and unique. Excellent work! No grammatical errors.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Hello Raul. Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind compliments. It is always so appreciated. I?m so pleased you enjoyed my love story. More chapter are coming and a surprise very soon. :+)
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :+)
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You're welcome.
Comment from Mastery
Hi Sal. This sounds like one of my Santa claus jobs called "A Gift For Betty" thart I posted last year. Betty gets proposed to in front of santa and a crowd of onlookers. Good job on this part, my friend. I will look forward to watching these characters develop. : ) Bob
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Hi Sal. This sounds like one of my Santa claus jobs called "A Gift For Betty" thart I posted last year. Betty gets proposed to in front of santa and a crowd of onlookers. Good job on this part, my friend. I will look forward to watching these characters develop. : ) Bob
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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I must love it when men enjoy these stories, too. I love a soulful love story of the heart and this satisfies my cravings. Thank you for the wonderful review and kind compliments, Bob. So glad you like.
I will post again this Sunday, a companion article, Kristin?s letter back to him called, ?To My Secret Admirer.? The two love letters will run in tandem until Christmas Eve Eve.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal :+)
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: ) Bob
Comment from Ulla
Awe Sally, I wish I had a six left for this. It's just to sweet and entirely how love has always been for me. I can so identify with this. I'll just have to be patient and read along to find out who he is. All best. Ulla xxxx
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Awe Sally, I wish I had a six left for this. It's just to sweet and entirely how love has always been for me. I can so identify with this. I'll just have to be patient and read along to find out who he is. All best. Ulla xxxx
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thank you, dear Ulla. I?m so glad you like this and will be staying tuned. Sending you my best today as always,
Sally xo
Comment from country ranch writer
Hum someone has an admirer wow! I wonder if she will figure it out? Some one said she is beautiful just the way she is. Wonder if she will rember who she talked to about losing weight and getting her teeth fixed?
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Hum someone has an admirer wow! I wonder if she will figure it out? Some one said she is beautiful just the way she is. Wonder if she will rember who she talked to about losing weight and getting her teeth fixed?
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thank you for the excellent review and kind comments. You?ll just need to stay tuned in the days ahead. I know you?ll love this story and the companion story that will be coming in a few days, Kristin will be writing him back. Stay close.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
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Thank you so much for being a good friend
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smiles Sally Law
I love how you are making you love story interesting why?
In this chapter of how Kristin~ found her (husband to be) by doing it the old fashion way.
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Smiles Sally Law
I love how you are making you love story interesting why?
In this chapter of how Kristin~ found her (husband to be) by doing it the old fashion way.
Gert
Comment Written 26-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
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Thank you Gert. I?m so glad you enjoyed it. This means a lot from someone who is living out their own love story. You get it!
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
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Hello Sally Law
smiles to you.
You are like me, I have a story and several poems written of how Stan and I met, and how we kept our love strong for 65 years.
Gert
Comment from Carla Trinklein
Well, I am hooked! It's Ben or Albert or Jesse, right? If Jesse is male, that is...I love everything about this, the gal who's given up on love (that was once me), her geriatric patients, and the lavender-scented envelope. Can't wait for the next installment!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Well, I am hooked! It's Ben or Albert or Jesse, right? If Jesse is male, that is...I love everything about this, the gal who's given up on love (that was once me), her geriatric patients, and the lavender-scented envelope. Can't wait for the next installment!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Thank you, sweet lady. I am deeply honored by the marvelous review and six stars. I?m am delighted you enjoyed this. I thought it was high time for a good love story. :+) I?m glad you enjoyed it, Carla.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
Comment from Mrs. KT
Oh my goodness, Sally!
Now you have me intrigued! Love the plot, setting, characterization...and of course, the letter! And to think I have to wait until Christmas Eve for the concluding chapter! What fun! Well, you have surely piqued my interest!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Oh my goodness, Sally!
Now you have me intrigued! Love the plot, setting, characterization...and of course, the letter! And to think I have to wait until Christmas Eve for the concluding chapter! What fun! Well, you have surely piqued my interest!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 25-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Dear Diane, thank you. What a delight to see you. I?m so pleased you enjoyed my story and will stay tuned.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
Comment from royowen
What a lovely story Sally, this sounds a little like my dear aunt, now deceased, every we went to England we would stay with them. She did meet the love of her life, but sadly she passed on a few years ago. She had two boys, one was killed in a road accident, but we loved her, kind a gentle just like Kristin, this touches my heart Sally. Love it, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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What a lovely story Sally, this sounds a little like my dear aunt, now deceased, every we went to England we would stay with them. She did meet the love of her life, but sadly she passed on a few years ago. She had two boys, one was killed in a road accident, but we loved her, kind a gentle just like Kristin, this touches my heart Sally. Love it, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Thank you, Roy. I?m so glad you enjoyed it. I?m sorry to hear about your Aunt. If we have loved deeply then a life well spent.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally ,+)
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Well done Sally
Comment from Mark Valentine
Love it the protagonist is so likable (her profession and her tone in talking with the patients show that), the setting is perfect for reflecting on life, the mystery is compelling, and the promise of a Christmas Eve reveal feels like a gift.
Apart from all that, it's wonderfully written. Just to cite one snippet - the lines after Kristin remarks that they're trying to make sure the Captain is "sea-worthy" - "Was. I was, once," he said turning away." The old gentleman grew quiet." are sublime. Their poignancy and wistfulness underscore what's at stake here - love supplies the meaning to life.
Just awesome. I look forward to the chapters to come!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Love it the protagonist is so likable (her profession and her tone in talking with the patients show that), the setting is perfect for reflecting on life, the mystery is compelling, and the promise of a Christmas Eve reveal feels like a gift.
Apart from all that, it's wonderfully written. Just to cite one snippet - the lines after Kristin remarks that they're trying to make sure the Captain is "sea-worthy" - "Was. I was, once," he said turning away." The old gentleman grew quiet." are sublime. Their poignancy and wistfulness underscore what's at stake here - love supplies the meaning to life.
Just awesome. I look forward to the chapters to come!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
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Mark, I am so pleased and honored by this. Your review and specifics are always so genuine. You really take it all in. That is actually one of my favorite parts of this story. I saw it happening. It seemed so real. Thank you for the marvelous review and generous
six stars.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo