Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Hopeless, my destiny"Musings of an old man -2020
35 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello JLR, this is well written and suits the picture perfectly. It is a contemporary piece of writing bringing to the reader's attention what goes on in the streets, knife crime, drugs, etc, on the increase. Your rhyme is good, aabb, etc throughout. A god poem and a good read. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Hello JLR, this is well written and suits the picture perfectly. It is a contemporary piece of writing bringing to the reader's attention what goes on in the streets, knife crime, drugs, etc, on the increase. Your rhyme is good, aabb, etc throughout. A god poem and a good read. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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My very grateful thank you Dorothy, we do have a tendency as a society to be numb to this every growing reality.
Comment from Diana L Crawford
Awesome club challenge entry! It's so sad how much of the nighttime evil in city streets has increased. Drugs are rampant, and no training the homes much any longer, as even their parents come from a long line of drugs and no training. Sad :( xoxo
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Awesome club challenge entry! It's so sad how much of the nighttime evil in city streets has increased. Drugs are rampant, and no training the homes much any longer, as even their parents come from a long line of drugs and no training. Sad :( xoxo
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Diana, thank you for great vote of confidence
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xoxoxoxo!
Comment from Justin Chopin
Very gritty and realistic JLR. Your descriptions of the streets as being a literal hellhole where drug dealers and deaths are just a way of life had a very dark film noir Raymond Chandler mystery novel aspect to that really lended itself well to your poem. You should make a story out of this . Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Very gritty and realistic JLR. Your descriptions of the streets as being a literal hellhole where drug dealers and deaths are just a way of life had a very dark film noir Raymond Chandler mystery novel aspect to that really lended itself well to your poem. You should make a story out of this . Well done.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Justin, thanks you much!
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You're welcome.
Comment from Alchera
In front of your last life's living choice, you are obbliged and must decide the way to take and often it's the wrong one and then you are completely lost... in that lighting cigarette my friend.Well done. I like both poem and picture.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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In front of your last life's living choice, you are obbliged and must decide the way to take and often it's the wrong one and then you are completely lost... in that lighting cigarette my friend.Well done. I like both poem and picture.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Thanks Alchera, Life is about choices. The more fortunate in our society have a broader selection to chose from that are more positive than negative.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a very dark poem but it goes with the picture very well. I liked the tingle down my spine as well. What do they say, we all like to be scared. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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This is a very dark poem but it goes with the picture very well. I liked the tingle down my spine as well. What do they say, we all like to be scared. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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thank you..
Comment from dragonpoet
JLR,
This smoothly metered and simply rhymed poem tells of the plight
of the homeless each night. It is a good entry for the pix this club.
It shows the danger the homeless in the city brave each night.
Joan
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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JLR,
This smoothly metered and simply rhymed poem tells of the plight
of the homeless each night. It is a good entry for the pix this club.
It shows the danger the homeless in the city brave each night.
Joan
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Joan, thank you for taking the time to read, review and comment on my eork
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Any time, JLE>
Joan
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem and an excellent interpretation of the Pix this challenge photograph. With the use of couplet rhyming you sketch a typical night scene in a city.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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A very well-written poem and an excellent interpretation of the Pix this challenge photograph. With the use of couplet rhyming you sketch a typical night scene in a city.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Sandra thank you!
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Excellent poetry about the dark and sobering reality of city life, especially at night, in the shadows. We see it in our neighborhoods in Queens and Manhattan (and other places, but these are the ones I see the most).
"lose the innocent in the poverty fight,"
"Hope abandoned in the whine of voices,"
these are very good descriptions. It's a very interesting photo, with a "shady" underground vibe. Your poetry and notes touch my heart. We do need to take a more careful look at the choices people are given on these streets, and at what can possibly be done to make it better.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Excellent poetry about the dark and sobering reality of city life, especially at night, in the shadows. We see it in our neighborhoods in Queens and Manhattan (and other places, but these are the ones I see the most).
"lose the innocent in the poverty fight,"
"Hope abandoned in the whine of voices,"
these are very good descriptions. It's a very interesting photo, with a "shady" underground vibe. Your poetry and notes touch my heart. We do need to take a more careful look at the choices people are given on these streets, and at what can possibly be done to make it better.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Mary Kay ,thank you!
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written poem you have penned for the pix this challenge event with very good descriptive words and very good rhyming. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. So sad that this is true. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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This is a very well written poem you have penned for the pix this challenge event with very good descriptive words and very good rhyming. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. So sad that this is true. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 07-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Teri,thank you!
Comment from WildWithWords
Very much a voice in the wilderness type poem. The rhyme is fine but the rhythm is a little stilted. Several lines seem either syllables short or long (specifically lines 2 and 4). Though I'm not an advocate for meter at all, I feel those lines need a little touch up. Example....
"IT'S just not a typical city night
where all AROUND seems SOMEHOW right.
The street is dark, the breeze is chilling
I feel the stress of another killing." ("yet" removed)
I just think this flows better, but she's your baby.... you might disagree.
Line 1 concerns me a little as well.
Bill (WildWithWords)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Very much a voice in the wilderness type poem. The rhyme is fine but the rhythm is a little stilted. Several lines seem either syllables short or long (specifically lines 2 and 4). Though I'm not an advocate for meter at all, I feel those lines need a little touch up. Example....
"IT'S just not a typical city night
where all AROUND seems SOMEHOW right.
The street is dark, the breeze is chilling
I feel the stress of another killing." ("yet" removed)
I just think this flows better, but she's your baby.... you might disagree.
Line 1 concerns me a little as well.
Bill (WildWithWords)
Comment Written 07-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Bill, I am very appreciative of your thorough review and suggested comments. I see value in your input, thank you.