Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

My Mate Ray
by Gypsymooncat

Hello my friend

A heartfelt poem about your mate Ray. You told a true story and very well written. He would be proud.

Gypsy ð???

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020

Thanks Gypsy xoxoxoxox

Comment from R. Vincent

Excellent

This poem transports the reader right into the mind and harrowing experience of a war veteran. For those who haven't served, it's important to hear these types of stories.

Well crafted and rhymed.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020

Thank you R.Vincent xoxoxox

Comment from BethShelby

Excellent

This is nice entry for the story in poem contest. In times of war it is good that men can find companionship to share with someone who is going through the same experience as you. Someone to make you laugh and have your back and make you not so being so afraid. Nicely written poem.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020

Thank you very much Beth xoxoxoxo

Comment from DR DIP

Exceptional

Wow gypsy I totally got engrossed in this story I thoroughly enjoyed it just wondering whether its worth visiting a couple of the verses to work on perfect ABAB rhyme... just a suggestion not a critique:

I was just a young'un when I joined up for the war
(the three-day growth convinced 'em, plus I lied about my age).
They shipped me off to places I had never been before,
and taught me how to shoot a rifle and load at every stage

Training was full on, and some of us weren't all that happy
to shoot at other men, but that was what we learned to do.
Ray became my mentor, then a buddy, but an older chappy
he said "I'll keep you safe, just stick with me, we'll make it through".

We were quite a pair, avoiding bullet, bomb and mine,
and nearly bought it more than once, but still came out alive.
The two of us were like a wall the enemy could not define
a duo made of steel, I dared to hope we'd both survive.

Hey Gypsy, please, the poem is great as it is. I am just a ABAB rhyming tragic that pushes for perfect rhyme lol

Great poem nonetheless

respectfully dip

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020

At first I balked at your suggestions, then thought: this could work, so I've made some adjustments and got that abab rhyme perfick. No doubt I'll tweak some more tomorrow, but for now, I'm happy.

So thank you for pointing those bits out - it helped me improve the piece that bit, and, for want of sounding a tad narcissistic, deserving of the six shiny stars you've awarded.

Thanks again Dr Dippy-chippy, me a happy chappy!

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

This poem is so sad and touching. I really enjoyed you rhyming and the pairing of rhymes, like age/grenade, Perth/worth and dyin/cryin. But most of all the sentiment of loss and the remembrances, much enjoyed, love Dolly x

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 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020

Thank you Dolly, I'm thrilled you enjoyed this xoxoxo

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

Fantastic, sharing a tale in the poem is so fluent, I like the flow of thoughts, the moral, a friend in thought, an angel is rememberable, once a year you remember how he saved your life; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this story with a lesson; you may gift me $21 MD and help make me a premier shield member.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020

Thanks Alcreator, for a fantastic review xoxoxo PS I only have 4MD lol