Guided by Faith
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Faith Chapter 11 B"Can faith guide our path?
39 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
As always, you've entertained. You've always been a heckuva storyteller -- meant in the best possible way. I do have a couple of issues, the final one being (to me) more important:
She glanced toward the still crowded dining room [... "still-crowded" should be hyphenated.]
After dinner, Emma answered scratching at her door. [What? Well, I do see what you're getting at, but I really think a "the" before "scratching" will go a long way in preventing comic confusion. At least you didn't have a comma after "answered"! LOL]
"Good. This sunburn doesn't look good. If you have time, I'd like to put a cold towel on it." [I've never seen so much care given to a sunburn! I think you might worry that it begins to be seen as a writer's trick to provide a reason for their getting together. I don't think I'm being nitpicky here, Barbara. If it continues into the next or the following chapters, you might find me complaining more strenuously. (After re-reading my response, I don't want to imply that you are using a cheap device, or trick. As writers, part of our responsibility is to control where we want the reader's mind to go, and I don't think the use of devices is cheating. It's just when they become obvious that it backfires ... and the reader can see it for what it is. Does that make sense?)]
Your storyline is still entertaining. That's what I read this for. It's the reason I give it a six!
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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As always, you've entertained. You've always been a heckuva storyteller -- meant in the best possible way. I do have a couple of issues, the final one being (to me) more important:
She glanced toward the still crowded dining room [... "still-crowded" should be hyphenated.]
After dinner, Emma answered scratching at her door. [What? Well, I do see what you're getting at, but I really think a "the" before "scratching" will go a long way in preventing comic confusion. At least you didn't have a comma after "answered"! LOL]
"Good. This sunburn doesn't look good. If you have time, I'd like to put a cold towel on it." [I've never seen so much care given to a sunburn! I think you might worry that it begins to be seen as a writer's trick to provide a reason for their getting together. I don't think I'm being nitpicky here, Barbara. If it continues into the next or the following chapters, you might find me complaining more strenuously. (After re-reading my response, I don't want to imply that you are using a cheap device, or trick. As writers, part of our responsibility is to control where we want the reader's mind to go, and I don't think the use of devices is cheating. It's just when they become obvious that it backfires ... and the reader can see it for what it is. Does that make sense?)]
Your storyline is still entertaining. That's what I read this for. It's the reason I give it a six!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Next week's post has two sentences about the sunburn. The following week no mention, then the week of the 25th, there's a fight over it. Then no more. I think It's working. I'll wait and see but will think about it. I did make the corrections. I appreciate your review and the help.
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I do realize the problem is with actual vs. fictional passage of time, which can be further complicated by having that seven-day wait between chapters.
Comment from damommy
Good questions. What is Peggy up to? The photo looks exactly as I pictured Ace. I think it's time for someone to declare their feelings and quit tipppy-toeing around. I wondered about that interview in Cedarville, too.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Good questions. What is Peggy up to? The photo looks exactly as I pictured Ace. I think it's time for someone to declare their feelings and quit tipppy-toeing around. I wondered about that interview in Cedarville, too.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Once again, an excellent read. Peggy, an interferer, what! I can't wait to see Seth and Emma get more serious. Even in spite of age differences. There were no spags, today. Keep it coming.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Once again, an excellent read. Peggy, an interferer, what! I can't wait to see Seth and Emma get more serious. Even in spite of age differences. There were no spags, today. Keep it coming.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dr. Nad
This is a very good chapter in a book I haven't been reading. I'm not on fan story very often. However, there was an excellent flow to the storyline, the characters were easy to follow and easy to pick a hero and villain. I just have one problem with your story, only one, but it is huge! My problem?: "You gave Peggy the villain, my last name! L. O. L.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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This is a very good chapter in a book I haven't been reading. I'm not on fan story very often. However, there was an excellent flow to the storyline, the characters were easy to follow and easy to pick a hero and villain. I just have one problem with your story, only one, but it is huge! My problem?: "You gave Peggy the villain, my last name! L. O. L.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the kind review. So sorry about the last name. I'm positive there's no resemblance.
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L. O. L. No offense taken! It?s barely possible that you were writing fiction lol but in case you weren?t, tell Peggy I said hi.
And oh, by the way, You are most welcome.
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L. O. L. No offense taken! It?s barely possible that you were writing fiction lol but in case you weren?t, tell Peggy I said hi.
And oh, by the way, You are most welcome.
Comment from royowen
Not a good way to start a day, when a supposed rival pulls the "heavies" on you, and tells Emma to get her hooks out of Peggy's man, she is officious in her opposition and hostility towards Emma, but Seth hears of it and tells her they've never dated. Calling dear Ace a flea-bitten won't charm him. Beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Not a good way to start a day, when a supposed rival pulls the "heavies" on you, and tells Emma to get her hooks out of Peggy's man, she is officious in her opposition and hostility towards Emma, but Seth hears of it and tells her they've never dated. Calling dear Ace a flea-bitten won't charm him. Beautifully written Barbara, blessings Roy
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Welcome
Comment from Tom Horonzy
The list of characters added was most helpful as I wasn't acquainted as well as I could have been. It would be better if it was before the chapter, but idk. It's not required. Seems love has begun to bloom. Funny, I posted a piece today entitled Life is But a Flower.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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The list of characters added was most helpful as I wasn't acquainted as well as I could have been. It would be better if it was before the chapter, but idk. It's not required. Seems love has begun to bloom. Funny, I posted a piece today entitled Life is But a Flower.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the kind review. I'll check your post out.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Ah ha, ms. Peggy is getting a tad territorial. Why the heck does she hang out at the policecstation. She needs to study the reaction that Emma receives from people and realize people like her. Sounds like Peggy is very prickly. Not good. She might end up helping whoever is harassing Emma. One spacing error .
After a sigh, Seth ...How are you doing?" Space "better than last night."
Good progress. Gretchen
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Ah ha, ms. Peggy is getting a tad territorial. Why the heck does she hang out at the policecstation. She needs to study the reaction that Emma receives from people and realize people like her. Sounds like Peggy is very prickly. Not good. She might end up helping whoever is harassing Emma. One spacing error .
After a sigh, Seth ...How are you doing?" Space "better than last night."
Good progress. Gretchen
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the catch. I've added the space. I appreciate the help.
Comment from jmdg1954
Aha! Peggy is back. Looks like she is trying to start some trouble in what everyone hopes is paradise.
Hmph... Emma almost, almost gave in to a hug. I'm sure she would've liked to as much as he would've liked to receive one.
Good chapter bringing in some variables...
I were wonder if something's going to happen during the art show/festival?
John
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Aha! Peggy is back. Looks like she is trying to start some trouble in what everyone hopes is paradise.
Hmph... Emma almost, almost gave in to a hug. I'm sure she would've liked to as much as he would've liked to receive one.
Good chapter bringing in some variables...
I were wonder if something's going to happen during the art show/festival?
John
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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We'll see what happens. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Peggy is clearly painted as an unpleasant piece of work, just by a few well-chosen words. Very effective. In contrast Emma comes across as very contained. Can she keep it up? kay
All grammar, punctuation etc. seemed fine.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Peggy is clearly painted as an unpleasant piece of work, just by a few well-chosen words. Very effective. In contrast Emma comes across as very contained. Can she keep it up? kay
All grammar, punctuation etc. seemed fine.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Could there be a kiss on the horizon for Emma and Seth here Barbara as you dangle the carrot in your story and keep us guessing, a pleasure to read Barbara, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Could there be a kiss on the horizon for Emma and Seth here Barbara as you dangle the carrot in your story and keep us guessing, a pleasure to read Barbara, love Dolly x
Comment Written 11-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2023
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Thank you for the kind review. Seth and Emma have a few hurdles before that kiss.