The Last Straw
Their first and final date. (150 words)30 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I have been on dates like this and I have always left early and I think we know in the first minute whether it is worth staying or not, some of my dates were definitely already dead in the middle! Ha ha ha, love your post Lisa, you haven't lost your touch, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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I have been on dates like this and I have always left early and I think we know in the first minute whether it is worth staying or not, some of my dates were definitely already dead in the middle! Ha ha ha, love your post Lisa, you haven't lost your touch, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Thanks for your lovely comments, Dolly. I have been on a couple of dates like this and have perfected the art of slurping up the last drop of a milkshake and getting out of there. Nothing more boring than someone who loves the sound of their own voice, so tiresome.
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I haven?t been on a date in a while Lisa, but I did date a few guys a couple of years ago and they loved talking about themselves, one even forgot my name! Ha ha ha, love Dolly x x x
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That would have to be the ultimate sin - not paying enough attention and forgetting your name... too preoccupied with himself.
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True x x x
Comment from poetwatch
It appears that writing is an escape for many, including Jenny. :) You still write with a flair, and I laugh to myself pulling my hair. Where do you come up with your ideas? :) Still working on the paper, Jen? I'm working to keep my mind together. This is a good entry for the Flash Fiction Contest. Thank you for sharing you made me smile. :)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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It appears that writing is an escape for many, including Jenny. :) You still write with a flair, and I laugh to myself pulling my hair. Where do you come up with your ideas? :) Still working on the paper, Jen? I'm working to keep my mind together. This is a good entry for the Flash Fiction Contest. Thank you for sharing you made me smile. :)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Hi Jesse. Thanks so much for the reward of a 6! I'm pleased I could share a smile with you... I wrote it to cheer myself up from feeling sad... so yes, it is a form of escape.
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It has been a long time we haven't really written to each other, Jenny. You are so far away and I notice a change in you. You became distant and I missed your smile. :) You're a great writer.
Jose
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You are perceptive Jose.
Thank you for your supportive kindness. I became far too involved in others' stress and it impacted my own life to become withdrawn, and my own smile has changed.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hah, Jenny!
Too funny!
Reminds me of the only blind date I ever went on: wished to God I had been blind! What a disaster!
Love the build up and the resolution!
Kudos!
Best Wishes and thank you for the smile!
diane
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Hah, Jenny!
Too funny!
Reminds me of the only blind date I ever went on: wished to God I had been blind! What a disaster!
Love the build up and the resolution!
Kudos!
Best Wishes and thank you for the smile!
diane
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Hahaha, I love your comments, Diane. Yes, unfortunately some dates are best forgotten.
Thank you so much for the reward of a valued 6!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is excellent! I love what you've done here with the imagery of her boredom and that final burst of energy and relief as she realised she was at last escaping. For such a short flash, you've done wonders here whilst conveying your story in entertaining and faultless prose. It's a virtual six (I'm afraid) but a very strong contender which I shall be looking out for. Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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This is excellent! I love what you've done here with the imagery of her boredom and that final burst of energy and relief as she realised she was at last escaping. For such a short flash, you've done wonders here whilst conveying your story in entertaining and faultless prose. It's a virtual six (I'm afraid) but a very strong contender which I shall be looking out for. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Hi Debbie, I appreciate your review of this story and thank you for your lovely comments!
Comment from Bill Schott
So funny!! You had me all one-hundred-and-fifty-words until the slurping gave it all away. Poor Carol, almost bored to death. Beautifully scribed to that great ending.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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So funny!! You had me all one-hundred-and-fifty-words until the slurping gave it all away. Poor Carol, almost bored to death. Beautifully scribed to that great ending.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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I'm pleased I could misdirect you and provide a laugh, Bill. Thank you so much for such a positive review and the reward of a 6.
Comment from lyenochka
You play on the "light at the end of the tunnel" which is proverbial knowledge for either the light seen at death or the end of a trying time. My favorite sentence was:
"Ted's voice droned on the periphery of her consciousness, his words flutterering around her head like mushy snowflakes in a white-out."
(By the way, there's a type with 'fluttering' but you may have fixed it already.)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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You play on the "light at the end of the tunnel" which is proverbial knowledge for either the light seen at death or the end of a trying time. My favorite sentence was:
"Ted's voice droned on the periphery of her consciousness, his words flutterering around her head like mushy snowflakes in a white-out."
(By the way, there's a type with 'fluttering' but you may have fixed it already.)
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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A super 6! Thank you so much, Helen, for these positive review comments and your typo catch.
The 'light at the end of the tunnel' could also have been Carol looking down the drinking straw at the last of the milkshake.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Okay, good on you. I was thinking serial killer Ted had her bound and gagged.
People love the twist in these Flash Fiction contests. Let us see how the reverse twists does!
Good job!
D
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Okay, good on you. I was thinking serial killer Ted had her bound and gagged.
People love the twist in these Flash Fiction contests. Let us see how the reverse twists does!
Good job!
D
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Pleased I could mislead you. Thanks very much for reviewing.
Comment from jessizero
This story made me laugh. I was concerned for your main character throughout most of the story, but the end was great. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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This story made me laugh. I was concerned for your main character throughout most of the story, but the end was great. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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I'm pleased you got a laugh out of this... I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for your review
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is an excellent short story.I enjoyed reading it. Your entire presentation is good. You use descriptive words that draw in a reader and many will relate to this.
Best wishes!
Alexandra
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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This is an excellent short story.I enjoyed reading it. Your entire presentation is good. You use descriptive words that draw in a reader and many will relate to this.
Best wishes!
Alexandra
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Thank you so much for reviewing and your nice comments.
Comment from JSD
Excellent bit of flash fiction Lisa. Expecting some sort kidnap or abuse you then cleverly take us into a diner with a milkshake. Well done. Nice bit of reader conning.
John
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Excellent bit of flash fiction Lisa. Expecting some sort kidnap or abuse you then cleverly take us into a diner with a milkshake. Well done. Nice bit of reader conning.
John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Thanks for reviewing, John. My mind tends to wander along imagination's byways when I am in tedious company... this idea came to me and I couldn't wait to get home and write it down. The person who was boring me probably wouldn't like to know they were responsible for it!