Samhain's Children
A Halloween Poem29 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
It surely is a scary poem. The living and the dead dancing together gave me the creeps .Is the mother here abusive? still the child went back to her of course he has no choice .. this poem could have a deeper layer of meaning...
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It surely is a scary poem. The living and the dead dancing together gave me the creeps .Is the mother here abusive? still the child went back to her of course he has no choice .. this poem could have a deeper layer of meaning...
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
Comment from gansach
This is a great entry for the Halloween Poetry competition. Your choice of image is a very spooky and appropriate illustration for the eerie goings-on that happen on this evening. When I was teaching, I did a week on Halloween and taught the origins of the celebration. You have presented them accurately and well in your poem with good rhythm and rhyming. Well done!
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This is a great entry for the Halloween Poetry competition. Your choice of image is a very spooky and appropriate illustration for the eerie goings-on that happen on this evening. When I was teaching, I did a week on Halloween and taught the origins of the celebration. You have presented them accurately and well in your poem with good rhythm and rhyming. Well done!
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
This was interesting. Good writing. And I always like it when people include their research. The picture was lovely as well.
I hope you have a nice week and a good Halloween. Karen
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This was interesting. Good writing. And I always like it when people include their research. The picture was lovely as well.
I hope you have a nice week and a good Halloween. Karen
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
Comment from zanya
'When realms entwine,' yes perhaps that is one of the principal thoughts explored here in the context of the Celtic festival of Samhain when 'the spirits roam,'
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'When realms entwine,' yes perhaps that is one of the principal thoughts explored here in the context of the Celtic festival of Samhain when 'the spirits roam,'
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a traditional, well rhymed and metered story for Halloween and I enjoyed your well chosen words; and the authenticity of the origins made this story even more chilling, much enjoyed and I wish I had a six left for you, a fine write for the Halloween contest, love Dolly x
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This is a traditional, well rhymed and metered story for Halloween and I enjoyed your well chosen words; and the authenticity of the origins made this story even more chilling, much enjoyed and I wish I had a six left for you, a fine write for the Halloween contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
Comment from Begin Again
Well researched, my friend, and brought to light by your eerie words and thoughts. It certainly could be a winner in the contest. Very well done and thankfully the boy was saved.
Smiles, Carol
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Well researched, my friend, and brought to light by your eerie words and thoughts. It certainly could be a winner in the contest. Very well done and thankfully the boy was saved.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
Comment from samandlancelot
Hi Videl,
You might want to change your category from general fiction to horror/thriller to attract readers who like that genre.
This is definitely a scary poem, with mothers abusing their children, and yet, the protagonist must return to what is familiar.
Your rhymes work, and I like the eight-syllable format.
Your meter could be improved by more careful attention to the stressed syllables. It's fun for me when it holds the melody of DUMdaDUMdaDUMdaDUM, or the reverse with daDUMdaDUM, where the capital letters are the stressed syllables and the lowercase the unstressed syllables of the words.
For example, your first line is perfect: daDUM (on SAM, chain's EVE, the SPIR its ROAM).
The third line breaks the pattern with "LIVing." If you change the word to "alive," you maintain your pattern: aLIVE.
A consistent meter is much more fun to read.
My favorite line: For on that night when realms entwine
You switch between present and past tense in a few places. It's good to be consistent.
Example: Stanza #5, begins with past tense (I found) and ends with present tense (cannot seek). Stanza #7, present tense (A girl holds) to past tense (She leaned)
I hope this helps.
Patricia
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Hi Videl,
You might want to change your category from general fiction to horror/thriller to attract readers who like that genre.
This is definitely a scary poem, with mothers abusing their children, and yet, the protagonist must return to what is familiar.
Your rhymes work, and I like the eight-syllable format.
Your meter could be improved by more careful attention to the stressed syllables. It's fun for me when it holds the melody of DUMdaDUMdaDUMdaDUM, or the reverse with daDUMdaDUM, where the capital letters are the stressed syllables and the lowercase the unstressed syllables of the words.
For example, your first line is perfect: daDUM (on SAM, chain's EVE, the SPIR its ROAM).
The third line breaks the pattern with "LIVing." If you change the word to "alive," you maintain your pattern: aLIVE.
A consistent meter is much more fun to read.
My favorite line: For on that night when realms entwine
You switch between present and past tense in a few places. It's good to be consistent.
Example: Stanza #5, begins with past tense (I found) and ends with present tense (cannot seek). Stanza #7, present tense (A girl holds) to past tense (She leaned)
I hope this helps.
Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
This is a perfect Halloween poem, and you went to Irish folklore for your inspiration, I see, as I recognize some of the research you mention early in the poem.
You had me convinced that "Ma" had sliced the boy's neck open, until at last he leaves his new friends behind. "I was acting, but they'd been slain."
"I ran to Ma, and held her tight - for I had danced with Death that night."
Honestly, I can't imagine anything else winning this contest. This is brilliant! Well done!
I'll be looking for you in the winner's circle.
xo
Pam
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This is a perfect Halloween poem, and you went to Irish folklore for your inspiration, I see, as I recognize some of the research you mention early in the poem.
You had me convinced that "Ma" had sliced the boy's neck open, until at last he leaves his new friends behind. "I was acting, but they'd been slain."
"I ran to Ma, and held her tight - for I had danced with Death that night."
Honestly, I can't imagine anything else winning this contest. This is brilliant! Well done!
I'll be looking for you in the winner's circle.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
Comment from royowen
A nicely written and skilfully and articulately produced. I might have been my ancestors who may have observed these very things you are taking about, I'm welsh on my father's, a nicely crafted poem, well done, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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A nicely written and skilfully and articulately produced. I might have been my ancestors who may have observed these very things you are taking about, I'm welsh on my father's, a nicely crafted poem, well done, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024