The Lonesome Pines of Mt. Teewinot
Fighting for survival in the Tetons32 total reviews
Comment from RKagan
This story is as good as a Jack London piece. You have captured the essence of the weather and location. I felt as if I were there. good job
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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This story is as good as a Jack London piece. You have captured the essence of the weather and location. I felt as if I were there. good job
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi there! WOW! This review is awesome. I have been to Jackson Hole, and the Yellowstone, as a child, and have always wanted to live there, only not quite this isolated? Thank you so very much for this great review!! I really appreciate it...
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, an enjoyable story about a man and his dog. i enjoyed reading it and i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, an enjoyable story about a man and his dog. i enjoyed reading it and i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi there! Thank you very much! I am pleased to know you enjoyed this. AND a special thank you for this wonderful review!!
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Author,
If your aim was to get your readers hearts pounding you succeeded! I love this story, because it is well written and easy to follow...but also because it is about the Tetons. I live in Wyoming and have seen their majesty many times. I like that John didn't name his dog anything fancy..just plain "Dog" Your imagery is exceptional and the story is exciting and believable. I just gave out my last six or it would be yours. Good luck in the contest...chey
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi Author,
If your aim was to get your readers hearts pounding you succeeded! I love this story, because it is well written and easy to follow...but also because it is about the Tetons. I live in Wyoming and have seen their majesty many times. I like that John didn't name his dog anything fancy..just plain "Dog" Your imagery is exceptional and the story is exciting and believable. I just gave out my last six or it would be yours. Good luck in the contest...chey
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi Chey!! Thank you so much! I was there as a child, and have always wanted to live there. You are so blessed!! And I really appreciate the virtual six, it means a lot to me. I worked really hard on this, and am thrilled that a Wyoming native likes it so!! Thank you again!! ")
Comment from adewpearl
it's heat melting the snow - drop the apostrophe
the dog laying there and pipe in hand - lying there
It's hustle and bustle strong lure - drop the apostrophe
it's glare almost blinded man and beast - drop apostrophe
aching in it's skull - drop apostrophe
It's roar of pain - drop apostrophe - It's = contraction of it is
Other than the one mistake, this is perfectly written - a wonderful interpretation of "it's cold in the mountains" - great mood building and character development :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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it's heat melting the snow - drop the apostrophe
the dog laying there and pipe in hand - lying there
It's hustle and bustle strong lure - drop the apostrophe
it's glare almost blinded man and beast - drop apostrophe
aching in it's skull - drop apostrophe
It's roar of pain - drop apostrophe - It's = contraction of it is
Other than the one mistake, this is perfectly written - a wonderful interpretation of "it's cold in the mountains" - great mood building and character development :-) Brooke
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi Brooke!! I fixed all! Thank you so much, I am beginning to really dislike apostrophes...you should write a poem about them, only you could do this justice! ") Thank you so much for the wonderful rating and great help too!!
Comment from Shirley McLain
What a wonderful story and I would give you a six if I had it. You wrote vividly which brought wonderful pictures of the mountains to my mind. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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What a wonderful story and I would give you a six if I had it. You wrote vividly which brought wonderful pictures of the mountains to my mind. Excellent job.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi Texas! Thank you so much! It is the thought that counts, and I really appreciate your enthusiasm for this, I am thrilled that you liked it well enough to take time to let me know! ") Thank you again!
Comment from highlander104
What a magnifican story. Your descriptions of John LaRue and his environment are vivid. I believe I would know John LaRue if I should happen to come in contact with him. Also the relationship with Dog is warm and filled with emotion. The tension you built with the bear stalking the house, sent chills up my spine and hoping nothing would happen to our two friends. A happy ending, of which I am fond. Excellent story.
Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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What a magnifican story. Your descriptions of John LaRue and his environment are vivid. I believe I would know John LaRue if I should happen to come in contact with him. Also the relationship with Dog is warm and filled with emotion. The tension you built with the bear stalking the house, sent chills up my spine and hoping nothing would happen to our two friends. A happy ending, of which I am fond. Excellent story.
Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi there Jean! Thank you SO much! I worked very hard on this and this review really helps me keep at it! Thank you again and again! What a kind and welcome review! ")
Comment from patwannabe
author, I love it. I was hesitant to read because I was afraid something would happen to either of them, but I forged ahead :-). I found numerous SPaG and did my best to correct them. Hope you will, also.
...old Dog LYING there...
...tough and grizzled as his master (omit "was"),...
...scruffy tail thumping on the chinks (no apostrophe)...
LaRue was grateful for the hound and he sat(no comma) staring into the........roof over his head(no comma) on this long...
Be careful not to overuse "glad". They kinda stood out.
But LaRue still PREFERRED the melancholy of the lonesome (would "lonely" be better?) pines(no comma)..."The Trail of the Lonesome Pines" is an old western song.
In the paragraph that begins: They both finally slept, you need to fix the sentence that begins with "They followed each other in a line...". I first thought John and Dog were going single file, but you meant the wolves.
In unison, No cap on "the"...
...leaving odd markings in his wake(no comma) as...
...bear meat...
The moon SHONE down on the cot..........leaning next to where he LAY.
This moonlit night(no comma) he raised up...
Both dog and man stood(no comma) rigid,...
...just a bear snooping for food(semicolon) there was elk hanging........DRAGGED, not drug
...could not let his dog fight the grizzly(semicolon or period) If he did...
...from the rifle's report(semicolon or period) he would be deaf...
Had a concern at the end. Nothing to do with the story, really, but I'm wondering, with the bear buried in the snow, it would be preserved until the thaws, then being rabid, other animals that feed on it would get rabies, too, unless cold kills rabies. Just made me wonder: what could you do with a rabid bear, or any other animal too large to burn.
Great story, loved it. pat
Wonderful! Great way to handle the rabid bear. I hope he's careful when he cuts it up LOL.
LaRue was grateful for the hound AS he sat staring into the flames...
But LaRue still PREFERRED the melancholy...
I raised your rating. Loved the story and so glad you cared enough to make these corrections. pat
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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author, I love it. I was hesitant to read because I was afraid something would happen to either of them, but I forged ahead :-). I found numerous SPaG and did my best to correct them. Hope you will, also.
...old Dog LYING there...
...tough and grizzled as his master (omit "was"),...
...scruffy tail thumping on the chinks (no apostrophe)...
LaRue was grateful for the hound and he sat(no comma) staring into the........roof over his head(no comma) on this long...
Be careful not to overuse "glad". They kinda stood out.
But LaRue still PREFERRED the melancholy of the lonesome (would "lonely" be better?) pines(no comma)..."The Trail of the Lonesome Pines" is an old western song.
In the paragraph that begins: They both finally slept, you need to fix the sentence that begins with "They followed each other in a line...". I first thought John and Dog were going single file, but you meant the wolves.
In unison, No cap on "the"...
...leaving odd markings in his wake(no comma) as...
...bear meat...
The moon SHONE down on the cot..........leaning next to where he LAY.
This moonlit night(no comma) he raised up...
Both dog and man stood(no comma) rigid,...
...just a bear snooping for food(semicolon) there was elk hanging........DRAGGED, not drug
...could not let his dog fight the grizzly(semicolon or period) If he did...
...from the rifle's report(semicolon or period) he would be deaf...
Had a concern at the end. Nothing to do with the story, really, but I'm wondering, with the bear buried in the snow, it would be preserved until the thaws, then being rabid, other animals that feed on it would get rabies, too, unless cold kills rabies. Just made me wonder: what could you do with a rabid bear, or any other animal too large to burn.
Great story, loved it. pat
Wonderful! Great way to handle the rabid bear. I hope he's careful when he cuts it up LOL.
LaRue was grateful for the hound AS he sat staring into the flames...
But LaRue still PREFERRED the melancholy...
I raised your rating. Loved the story and so glad you cared enough to make these corrections. pat
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi Pat! I fixed each of these and changed the disposal of the poor bear too! Thank you so much for all this wonderful help, this is why I wanted more exposure...I need all the help I can get, and your time is invaluable to me. Thank you again! I hope you will read this one more time and see? Hugs to you!!!
Comment from patwannabe
author, I love it. I was hesitant to read because I was afraid something would happen to either of them, but I forged ahead :-). I found numerous SPaG and did my best to correct them. Hope you will, also.
...old Dog LYING there...
...tough and grizzled as his master (omit "was"),...
...scruffy tail thumping on the chinks (no apostrophe)...
LaRue was grateful for the hound and he sat(no comma) staring into the........roof over his head(no comma) on this long...
Be careful not to overuse "glad". They kinda stood out.
But LaRue still PREFERRED the melancholy of the lonesome (would "lonely" be better?) pines(no comma)..."The Trail of the Lonesome Pines" is an old western song.
In the paragraph that begins: They both finally slept, you need to fix the sentence that begins with "They followed each other in a line...". I first thought John and Dog were going single file, but you meant the wolves.
In unison, No cap on "the"...
...leaving odd markings in his wake(no comma) as...
...bear meat...
The moon SHONE down on the cot..........leaning next to where he LAY.
This moonlit night(no comma) he raised up...
Both dog and man stood(no comma) rigid,...
...just a bear snooping for food(semicolon) there was elk hanging........DRAGGED, not drug
...could not let his dog fight the grizzly(semicolon or period) If he did...
...from the rifle's report(semicolon or period) he would be deaf...
Had a concern at the end. Nothing to do with the story, really, but I'm wondering, with the bear buried in the snow, it would be preserved until the thaws, then being rabid, other animals that feed on it would get rabies, too, unless cold kills rabies. Just made me wonder: what could you do with a rabid bear, or any other animal too large to burn.
Great story, loved it. pat
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
 |
author, I love it. I was hesitant to read because I was afraid something would happen to either of them, but I forged ahead :-). I found numerous SPaG and did my best to correct them. Hope you will, also.
...old Dog LYING there...
...tough and grizzled as his master (omit "was"),...
...scruffy tail thumping on the chinks (no apostrophe)...
LaRue was grateful for the hound and he sat(no comma) staring into the........roof over his head(no comma) on this long...
Be careful not to overuse "glad". They kinda stood out.
But LaRue still PREFERRED the melancholy of the lonesome (would "lonely" be better?) pines(no comma)..."The Trail of the Lonesome Pines" is an old western song.
In the paragraph that begins: They both finally slept, you need to fix the sentence that begins with "They followed each other in a line...". I first thought John and Dog were going single file, but you meant the wolves.
In unison, No cap on "the"...
...leaving odd markings in his wake(no comma) as...
...bear meat...
The moon SHONE down on the cot..........leaning next to where he LAY.
This moonlit night(no comma) he raised up...
Both dog and man stood(no comma) rigid,...
...just a bear snooping for food(semicolon) there was elk hanging........DRAGGED, not drug
...could not let his dog fight the grizzly(semicolon or period) If he did...
...from the rifle's report(semicolon or period) he would be deaf...
Had a concern at the end. Nothing to do with the story, really, but I'm wondering, with the bear buried in the snow, it would be preserved until the thaws, then being rabid, other animals that feed on it would get rabies, too, unless cold kills rabies. Just made me wonder: what could you do with a rabid bear, or any other animal too large to burn.
Great story, loved it. pat
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi again, this is a repeated copy of your kind review! I hope you will re-review it? Love and much appreciation!!
Comment from CKLA
An excellent story. I was glued to the computer screen. I could see no errors and wouldn't change a thing. This was really good and should do really well in the contest.
Collette
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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An excellent story. I was glued to the computer screen. I could see no errors and wouldn't change a thing. This was really good and should do really well in the contest.
Collette
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi there! Thank you, this review is so encouraging! I really do appreciate your time to read this Collette and for giving me this wonderful rating too! Thank you again!!! ")
Comment from Alan K Pease
An excellent story well crafted and full of detail and imagery. . your are a very good teller of the area -the story logical throughout. Once my parents took me to Yellowstone and a trip down to the Jackson Hole area. My view of the Tetons with their rugged terrain and a clear large dyke in one peak. I have never lost my interest in the mountains and would love to visit them again. Your story kept me on the edge of my seat
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
|
An excellent story well crafted and full of detail and imagery. . your are a very good teller of the area -the story logical throughout. Once my parents took me to Yellowstone and a trip down to the Jackson Hole area. My view of the Tetons with their rugged terrain and a clear large dyke in one peak. I have never lost my interest in the mountains and would love to visit them again. Your story kept me on the edge of my seat
Comment Written 20-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
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Hi Alan! Wow! Thank you SO much! I was there as a child, and stood in front of Jenny Lake. I have never lost the desire to live there. I sure hope you will get to go again. Try to visit Jenny Lake, my mother's name was Virginia, so my Dad took us there to see "her" lake...it was undevloped then, just a sparse gravel lane back to see it. We saw Old Faithful, and as my Dad drove along, my brother and I spotted a cougar in the brush along the road! It is unforgettable. But thank you with all my heart for this great review! I so appreciate!!!