Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Chapter 5; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
74 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
I could think of a thing or two they could do while Cassie is gone! ;)
I was happy to see a posting from you. I've been out of town over the weekend, and trying to catch up. How are you feeling? How did your first week of school go? I hope you are forcing yourself to rest.
I enjoyed this chapter. The scenes between Joe and Cassie are so sweet. I'm glad she welcomes him into her life and enjoys his company. I also like that Joe doesn't mind having her in his life too. :)
Suggestions:
In one place Cassie states that she knows Joe kissed her mom goodnight, then shortly after she asks him if he kissed her goodnight. I found this a little awkward and confusing.
When Joe left for lunch, he opened the door --then you state (after he tells Cassie it is none of her business) he opens the door again. Also - when they are talking through the door, and Joe sees Sara through the door - perhaps you could say it was a screen door or a storm door. It would improve the imagery (in my opinion.) I can't imagine them talking through a closed front door.
The chapter was enjoyable. I suspect the phone numbers that Joe gave Cassie will come in handy. Perhaps tonight at The Burger Palace? I look forward to reading more!
Hugs
Nic
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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I could think of a thing or two they could do while Cassie is gone! ;)
I was happy to see a posting from you. I've been out of town over the weekend, and trying to catch up. How are you feeling? How did your first week of school go? I hope you are forcing yourself to rest.
I enjoyed this chapter. The scenes between Joe and Cassie are so sweet. I'm glad she welcomes him into her life and enjoys his company. I also like that Joe doesn't mind having her in his life too. :)
Suggestions:
In one place Cassie states that she knows Joe kissed her mom goodnight, then shortly after she asks him if he kissed her goodnight. I found this a little awkward and confusing.
When Joe left for lunch, he opened the door --then you state (after he tells Cassie it is none of her business) he opens the door again. Also - when they are talking through the door, and Joe sees Sara through the door - perhaps you could say it was a screen door or a storm door. It would improve the imagery (in my opinion.) I can't imagine them talking through a closed front door.
The chapter was enjoyable. I suspect the phone numbers that Joe gave Cassie will come in handy. Perhaps tonight at The Burger Palace? I look forward to reading more!
Hugs
Nic
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I think this weekend we some time to talk. I will e-mail you.
Comment from Allezw2
Lady barbara wilkey,
Well, it doesn't hurt to get the daughter on your side as well. Sort of guarding your right flank.
You describe an interesting social situation developing with a hint of restrained violence.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Lady barbara wilkey,
Well, it doesn't hurt to get the daughter on your side as well. Sort of guarding your right flank.
You describe an interesting social situation developing with a hint of restrained violence.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You;re welcome.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
I enjoyed reading this chapter of your book and there are just a few small queries and changes to suggest ...
* You have - Joe watched the girls pick up the bats, balls and trash around the dugout. Joe smiled while Cassie and Angela visited. What does this last part mean?
* They'll patch you through. Again - what does 'patch' mean in this context?
* You have - care about your well being. I suggest -
care about your well-being.
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Hullo Barbara ....
I enjoyed reading this chapter of your book and there are just a few small queries and changes to suggest ...
* You have - Joe watched the girls pick up the bats, balls and trash around the dugout. Joe smiled while Cassie and Angela visited. What does this last part mean?
* They'll patch you through. Again - what does 'patch' mean in this context?
* You have - care about your well being. I suggest -
care about your well-being.
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. Patch through would be to link the two phone calls together. I guess I used American slang and confused you. I will take another look at those areas. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Thesis
Good chapter, Barb. I enjoyed Joe warning the wise guy. It shouldn't be against the law to beat up these little punks who harass people. They'd stop in a hurry.
I also enjoyed how Joe made Cassie a VIP. Smart move on his part. She needs stability too. - John
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Good chapter, Barb. I enjoyed Joe warning the wise guy. It shouldn't be against the law to beat up these little punks who harass people. They'd stop in a hurry.
I also enjoyed how Joe made Cassie a VIP. Smart move on his part. She needs stability too. - John
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and words of wisdom.
Comment from fictionwriter
I'm glad Joe was there to stand up for Cassie too. Seems like the knight in shining armour, where's the problems? Coming soon I hope, it's all been a little too easy. Well done.
"Come on(,) baby, it wouldn't hurt
Joe led her toward the bake sale, then stopped.(delete the comma or add a subject to the second half of the sentence.)
, but in case it wasn't(,) I'm informing you that your
"(I don't think you need this extra apotrophe ')Bye(,) Mr. Joe. See
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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I'm glad Joe was there to stand up for Cassie too. Seems like the knight in shining armour, where's the problems? Coming soon I hope, it's all been a little too easy. Well done.
"Come on(,) baby, it wouldn't hurt
Joe led her toward the bake sale, then stopped.(delete the comma or add a subject to the second half of the sentence.)
, but in case it wasn't(,) I'm informing you that your
"(I don't think you need this extra apotrophe ')Bye(,) Mr. Joe. See
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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I am not sur about that apostophe myself, but I thought since I have abrevated good bye, I'd better. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Ponder
Hi Barbara,
This is a great chapter, Joe starts to build a relationship with Cassie and we learn a bit more about Cassie too, which is nice.
Another well written chapter, I loved this read.
I hope you won't be waiting too long for the surgery, I'll be thinking about you.
Jules
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Hi Barbara,
This is a great chapter, Joe starts to build a relationship with Cassie and we learn a bit more about Cassie too, which is nice.
Another well written chapter, I loved this read.
I hope you won't be waiting too long for the surgery, I'll be thinking about you.
Jules
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Sept 16th is my next surgery date. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from patwannabe
barbara, another good chapter. I like the way Mr. Joe handled the teenaged harasser. He couldn't have said it better.
Can you let us know when you will have your surgery. I'd like to pray for you.
Till next time, pat
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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barbara, another good chapter. I like the way Mr. Joe handled the teenaged harasser. He couldn't have said it better.
Can you let us know when you will have your surgery. I'd like to pray for you.
Till next time, pat
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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September 16 is my next surgery date. I will probably post something in advance. We'll see. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from chells36
This is a very interesting storyline
I like the characters
I think maybe they need more descriptive things said about them though
You know like hair colour or dress sense
Still it takes nothing away from the main structure of the piece
Well done xx
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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This is a very interesting storyline
I like the characters
I think maybe they need more descriptive things said about them though
You know like hair colour or dress sense
Still it takes nothing away from the main structure of the piece
Well done xx
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Earthwriter
i think you did a really good job on this piece i thought the dialog worked very well had a genuine feel to it coupled with a well written story
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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i think you did a really good job on this piece i thought the dialog worked very well had a genuine feel to it coupled with a well written story
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from vandawalker
This is a nice homey scene. I like how Joe takes charge over Cassie at the ball field, protecting her and making boundaries for the trouble maker. The two main characters seem to be getting closer and closer to a commitment. Good work!
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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This is a nice homey scene. I like how Joe takes charge over Cassie at the ball field, protecting her and making boundaries for the trouble maker. The two main characters seem to be getting closer and closer to a commitment. Good work!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.