Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Part one. Chapter 7"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
91 total reviews
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hello barbara, This is an interesting piece on domestic violence. This type of behavior against women needs to be exposed as what it is, violence and battery. There is nothing intimate about abusing the one you "love". I am glad you are bringing attention to this shameful type of behavior. Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Hello barbara, This is an interesting piece on domestic violence. This type of behavior against women needs to be exposed as what it is, violence and battery. There is nothing intimate about abusing the one you "love". I am glad you are bringing attention to this shameful type of behavior. Chrisfiore
Comment Written 17-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Nanashirley
It is good that she has people in her life to help. There are so many out there that have no one. I think the women's shelters are great. We have one in our town and we help with fund raising. Good story.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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It is good that she has people in her life to help. There are so many out there that have no one. I think the women's shelters are great. We have one in our town and we help with fund raising. Good story.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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During horrible time in our economy I am sure the shelters are suffering. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Gideon Roth
Hello Barbara. All out of six stars or I would have given one for this. Your story is telling of a real situation facing many people and it is done in an entertaining way. This portion of your story was very well done but I felt that the very beginning may need a little something to help it flow a bit better. I have place my observations and suggestions below. Keep up the great writing and I look forward to your next post...Tim
Troy took a long drink of coffee then turned and Paul standing in the doorway.
I was thinking perhaps inserting the word "noticed" into the line to read: ...then turned and noticed Paul standing in the doorway.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Hello Barbara. All out of six stars or I would have given one for this. Your story is telling of a real situation facing many people and it is done in an entertaining way. This portion of your story was very well done but I felt that the very beginning may need a little something to help it flow a bit better. I have place my observations and suggestions below. Keep up the great writing and I look forward to your next post...Tim
Troy took a long drink of coffee then turned and Paul standing in the doorway.
I was thinking perhaps inserting the word "noticed" into the line to read: ...then turned and noticed Paul standing in the doorway.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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I must have been correcting that line as you were reading. I edited it last night and left a word out, so went back, after I read my reviews and corrected it. Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
? Troy took a long drink of coffee then turned and Paul standing in the doorway.
SHOULDN'T THIS BE: then turned. Paul's standing in the doorway.
Maybe jot, but the sentence did not work for me though the next line cleared the meaning. Other wise it's ok and am looking forward to your next post.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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? Troy took a long drink of coffee then turned and Paul standing in the doorway.
SHOULDN'T THIS BE: then turned. Paul's standing in the doorway.
Maybe jot, but the sentence did not work for me though the next line cleared the meaning. Other wise it's ok and am looking forward to your next post.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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I had made a chance in that sentence and left a word out. Thank you for catching it. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Writeaway...
This novel is getting ever more exciting, barbara, you certainly know how to keep the reader reading, bravo. Your writing is clear, well-written and cleverly constructed, I cannot suggest anything for improvment, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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This novel is getting ever more exciting, barbara, you certainly know how to keep the reader reading, bravo. Your writing is clear, well-written and cleverly constructed, I cannot suggest anything for improvment, an excellent job, keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 17-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Readywriter52
It sounds like Paul has a good job in protecting Anna from Bobby. But I don't think any amount of red tape will cause Bobby to back down. I think he's determine to hurt Anna as much as he can. He will use any means to take Michael from her because that would hurt her the most. I think he will resort to illegal means like kidnapping the child.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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It sounds like Paul has a good job in protecting Anna from Bobby. But I don't think any amount of red tape will cause Bobby to back down. I think he's determine to hurt Anna as much as he can. He will use any means to take Michael from her because that would hurt her the most. I think he will resort to illegal means like kidnapping the child.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Your story continues to be a hopeful message to women who are locked in bad relationships, barbara. Your author's notes are absolutely superb. This is truly a labor of love for you. Your dialogue is terrific and the characters remain dignified and just plain good people. Excellent chapter. Take care, Bev
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Your story continues to be a hopeful message to women who are locked in bad relationships, barbara. Your author's notes are absolutely superb. This is truly a labor of love for you. Your dialogue is terrific and the characters remain dignified and just plain good people. Excellent chapter. Take care, Bev
Comment Written 16-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome!
Comment from Fluffyhead
Very true to life and easy dialogue. Like the comment about donuts. Cinnamon and maple zebra stripe are my favorites. I hope Anna stays strong and doesn't crawl back to him. Or find someone even meaner.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Very true to life and easy dialogue. Like the comment about donuts. Cinnamon and maple zebra stripe are my favorites. I hope Anna stays strong and doesn't crawl back to him. Or find someone even meaner.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Often women to find someone just as bad or worse. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Helen Tan
I know Bobby is in jail but somehow I have this nagging fear that he skips jail and kidnaps the toddler while Paul is napping!!!!
Thanks for the coffee, but a donut would have been good with it."
"Mom would find out." Troy grinned. "We'll talk later." He watched his dad leave.
I like this exchange. It's effective showing of their close, friendly bond.
He can't but he'll push-up on your lap.
I miss those days when i could still have my kids do that on my lap!
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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I know Bobby is in jail but somehow I have this nagging fear that he skips jail and kidnaps the toddler while Paul is napping!!!!
Thanks for the coffee, but a donut would have been good with it."
"Mom would find out." Troy grinned. "We'll talk later." He watched his dad leave.
I like this exchange. It's effective showing of their close, friendly bond.
He can't but he'll push-up on your lap.
I miss those days when i could still have my kids do that on my lap!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Bobby will return. I appreciate your kind review and support.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Another fine chapter which should help anyone who is considering going through this process. It is being written in a way so as to make it easily understandable and easy to follow. Would that every abused person have someone like Troy in their corner.
Thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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barbara:
Another fine chapter which should help anyone who is considering going through this process. It is being written in a way so as to make it easily understandable and easy to follow. Would that every abused person have someone like Troy in their corner.
Thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 16-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.