Pain
This is reality42 total reviews
Comment from snoopy lover
Well, this is about as real a look at dark life as you'd ever want. I read it several times, and each time noted more detail and more descriptions that just took my breath away. Not because they were beautiful but because they are so very real. Sad story...hard to believe some people really live like this. Karen
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Well, this is about as real a look at dark life as you'd ever want. I read it several times, and each time noted more detail and more descriptions that just took my breath away. Not because they were beautiful but because they are so very real. Sad story...hard to believe some people really live like this. Karen
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Dear Snoopy...I really appreciate your detailed review...your thoughts have validated this story and I am very relieved. You really nailed what I was doing here...Susan
Comment from WilliamDeen
OH my goodness! This poor boy just couldn't take care of himself. Why do kids run away with nothing to somewhere where they know no one?
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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OH my goodness! This poor boy just couldn't take care of himself. Why do kids run away with nothing to somewhere where they know no one?
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Hello William. Thank you for being brave enuff to read this. I watched a documentary too, it chronicled dozens of young kids who live like this. Drugs and prostitution just to live. It is a horrible symptom of our society, ... and I wish I knew the answers. Thank you for a kind and brave review...Susan
Comment from rchitwood
Very good story and I can see this happening to young kids.Your story draws the reader in and it is very believable.Good dialogue and well written the photo is very good.Rita
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Very good story and I can see this happening to young kids.Your story draws the reader in and it is very believable.Good dialogue and well written the photo is very good.Rita
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Hi Rita! I've been homeless, tho not like this...at all. But it's awful none the less...the feeling of being a failure and disappointment...just devastating inside. I am trying to get that song out of my head..boy, we can bail wallstreet out, but not those who really need it. HOW wrong...thanks again Rita! Susan
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
This is an excellent story about a grim life that happens all too often. I appreciated this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Susan,
This is an excellent story about a grim life that happens all too often. I appreciated this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Hello Dave! Thank you for reading this one. I am always amazed at the ability for the world to always cater to the rich, and just let the helpless and homeless rot. well, better not get started..thanks again. I do appreciate your time for me...susan
Comment from c_lucas
Runaways are victims to the vultures in the world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Runaways are victims to the vultures in the world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Hi C! Yes! what a perfect description Charlie. Vultures...I wish I had used that in the story! I have been homeless, not a hooker..but it's awful just the same. So devastating. And you just can't seem to ask for help. The world can bail out wallstreet, but we just let the homeless and helpless rot. SO wrong... "/ Susan
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You're welcome, Susan. Spennt six months in a dire situation. Charlie
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OH C! I sure am sorry to hear that. Six months is a long time for anything negative. We all have our times tho, I'm sure. Some worse than others too. Gee...stay well, C! xoxo, susan
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Susan,
This story is so stark and realistic that is almost too difficult to read. I wish I had a six for you. This story grabs this reader immediately and does not let go until the last line fades. A brilliant write! Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Hi Susan,
This story is so stark and realistic that is almost too difficult to read. I wish I had a six for you. This story grabs this reader immediately and does not let go until the last line fades. A brilliant write! Blessings, chey
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Thank you for reading this Chey...I heard a song, and it stuck with me for days...I guess to get it off my mind I had to write about it. SO sad...And the parents of these kids. I can't imagine. I am truly honored with this review my friend...xoxo, susan
Comment from adewpearl
It fly's away - flies
What a tragic look at the fate of a teen runaway, a fate that befalls far too many vulnerable young women and boys, too
You depict this scene with realistic grit - some stories can't be prettified or sanitized. Most powerful, Susan. Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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It fly's away - flies
What a tragic look at the fate of a teen runaway, a fate that befalls far too many vulnerable young women and boys, too
You depict this scene with realistic grit - some stories can't be prettified or sanitized. Most powerful, Susan. Brooke
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Hello Brooke...Thank you for reading this. I heard a song that stayed with me and to expunge it I had to write about it...odd. I fixed the 'flies' too. Thank you for being brave. Susan
Comment from Minglement
This was a horrific story and violently told, but I wish I had a sixer for it. It was a difficult read for me, but you did it so well and the twist was brought off perfectly. Great job - should be a contest entry :) Couple of 'nits':
The john is gone, he disappeared into the cities shadows - it should either be city's shadows (possessive) or city shadows (descriptive of shadows :)
It fly's (flies) away, swirling up and around, like a green butterfly, (this whole sentence is poetically sad and beautifully done).
'I cut myself good-bye' - Genius!
You are so right about life not being good for everyone. So many lost souls. Thanks for sharing.
Well done. Marcia
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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This was a horrific story and violently told, but I wish I had a sixer for it. It was a difficult read for me, but you did it so well and the twist was brought off perfectly. Great job - should be a contest entry :) Couple of 'nits':
The john is gone, he disappeared into the cities shadows - it should either be city's shadows (possessive) or city shadows (descriptive of shadows :)
It fly's (flies) away, swirling up and around, like a green butterfly, (this whole sentence is poetically sad and beautifully done).
'I cut myself good-bye' - Genius!
You are so right about life not being good for everyone. So many lost souls. Thanks for sharing.
Well done. Marcia
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Hi Marcia! That's okay, your kind thoughts are wonderful, and I really appreciate your bravery to go ahead and read this. The song I heard really got to me and I had to write this...SO sad...and I've been homeless. Long ago, but still. Lost souls for sure. I think I still am at times...i remember living on tap water and pancake mix for a month. It's a diet that will take the pounds off ... FAST. I lost over 35 pounds in 29 days. I remember it like yesterday. I may write about it sometime...if I can. Thanks again Marcia...xoxo, susan
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Hi Susan - I think your story of tap water and pancake mix would make a touching story, a true bit of a look at the tough times in life (good to know about the diet and money saving tip LOL). Take care, Marcia
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No, Marcia...never just live on pancake mix. YUCK! I couldn't eat pancakes for YEARS! Just lately, I have begun to once more enjoy them. Over forty years it took me. Funny, and I had a spider on my shoulder too at that place. No wonder I'm nuts. lol! xoxo, s.
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LOL - You're not nuts, just interesting. all these epereinces good and bad, make us who we are. You are who you are supposed to be, and where you are supposed to be at this moment :) Hugs, Marcia
Comment from Spitfire
Wow! A surprise ending that is a male victim! Your detail put the reader uncomfortably on the scene feeling the physical and emotional abuse this boy suffers. The twenty dollar bill is an excellent symbol. Great image: veins bulge with my life's blood. A sad tragic piece, but beautifully written. Would give you a six but ran out!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Wow! A surprise ending that is a male victim! Your detail put the reader uncomfortably on the scene feeling the physical and emotional abuse this boy suffers. The twenty dollar bill is an excellent symbol. Great image: veins bulge with my life's blood. A sad tragic piece, but beautifully written. Would give you a six but ran out!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Thank you Shari...I'm very honored, I really am with your enthusiastic review for this. I sometimes am afraid to write what I want to. Thanks again...Susan
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
this is dark and raw. The emotions are intense. Your flash fiction is wonderfully written. The words are needed to convey the reality on the street. Such a sad ending to a young man's innocence and live. You grab us with the horrifying imagery of oral sex and anal sodomy. The image is burned into my brain. I have to now go read something silly. I good to gazz's silly but swell poems. In 304 words you've you've managed to successfully establish a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your flash fiction story. Such a sad ending when he stabs himself. I'd recommend this to other reviewers. You may want to mature this story as not to get a nitpicker. The art work you used is perfect. Keep on writing with heart. You a top notch flash fiction writer, my friend. Please have a wonderful Wednesday. BTW, I'd give you a six, but it says below: "You have reward this author a six star rating twice in the past thirty days so this rating is not available.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Susan,
this is dark and raw. The emotions are intense. Your flash fiction is wonderfully written. The words are needed to convey the reality on the street. Such a sad ending to a young man's innocence and live. You grab us with the horrifying imagery of oral sex and anal sodomy. The image is burned into my brain. I have to now go read something silly. I good to gazz's silly but swell poems. In 304 words you've you've managed to successfully establish a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your flash fiction story. Such a sad ending when he stabs himself. I'd recommend this to other reviewers. You may want to mature this story as not to get a nitpicker. The art work you used is perfect. Keep on writing with heart. You a top notch flash fiction writer, my friend. Please have a wonderful Wednesday. BTW, I'd give you a six, but it says below: "You have reward this author a six star rating twice in the past thirty days so this rating is not available.
Melissa.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Hi Melissa! Thank you...I know you would share a six and it's good enuff just to have these accolades from you! Wow, YOU inspired me to write what I wanted this time. I always hold back. But there are subjects that must be dealt with this way. Real. Thank you and I did upgrade? the rating thing? Thanks, someone else said the same! xoxo, susan