Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 64 "part three, Chapter 19"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
82 total reviews
Comment from Fluffyhead
nice size story . wish anna the best and her son and the beautiful family. very realistic thanks for writing. You come up with the best stories
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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nice size story . wish anna the best and her son and the beautiful family. very realistic thanks for writing. You come up with the best stories
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
I can only evaluate this chapter from a distance since I haven't been following the novel.
You have the potential for a more explosive chapter. As it is, it reads without urgency until the crash cart comes in. Otherwise, it's slow and lacks an element of tension that would fit well.
If this is the last part of what appears to be a very long chapter [too long] then the code blue ending works.
As I read through the chapter I felt that there was something missing. You're making a common error which is "Watching" your characters go through a scene. You need to "become" each character when they're on stage.
Your job, as a writer of fiction, is to communicate with your reader through "feeling" -- not by just writing a tense or sad scene. "Feeling is a thing you build through manipulation of motivation and reaction and they go in that order every time with any character in the spotlight.
I suggest you order a copy of "Techniques of the selling Writer" by Dwight V. Swain. It will be the best few bucks you'll spend on the craft of writing fiction.
Hope all this helps.
Ted
reply by the author on 05-May-2012
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Hi Barbara :)
I can only evaluate this chapter from a distance since I haven't been following the novel.
You have the potential for a more explosive chapter. As it is, it reads without urgency until the crash cart comes in. Otherwise, it's slow and lacks an element of tension that would fit well.
If this is the last part of what appears to be a very long chapter [too long] then the code blue ending works.
As I read through the chapter I felt that there was something missing. You're making a common error which is "Watching" your characters go through a scene. You need to "become" each character when they're on stage.
Your job, as a writer of fiction, is to communicate with your reader through "feeling" -- not by just writing a tense or sad scene. "Feeling is a thing you build through manipulation of motivation and reaction and they go in that order every time with any character in the spotlight.
I suggest you order a copy of "Techniques of the selling Writer" by Dwight V. Swain. It will be the best few bucks you'll spend on the craft of writing fiction.
Hope all this helps.
Ted
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-May-2012
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thank you, Ted
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You're welcome :)
Comment from misscookie
beauitful artywork
I'm sorry it wasone under stressful times.
It is perfcet for your story
I like the flow of your story and can the emotions everyone is going through for I have walked uin those shoes a few times myself. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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beauitful artywork
I'm sorry it wasone under stressful times.
It is perfcet for your story
I like the flow of your story and can the emotions everyone is going through for I have walked uin those shoes a few times myself. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
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Your very welcome.God bless you have a nice day
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Your latest chapter is praiseworthy, my friend. I immensely enjoy your great narrative voice, excellent detailed writing and very good dialogue. Your latest chapter is riveting and splendidly penned. I like how you show and not tell. This is really a super chapter and as I read your chapter eleven could see the action take place in my head with fine imagery. I hope Anna's okay, nice way to keep the readers hanging.
Comments: I would recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers as a 'must' read for a good time. I'd encourage you to keep moving forward with your entertaining story, my friend. I hope to catch your next chapter. Please have a blessed day.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Barbara,
Your latest chapter is praiseworthy, my friend. I immensely enjoy your great narrative voice, excellent detailed writing and very good dialogue. Your latest chapter is riveting and splendidly penned. I like how you show and not tell. This is really a super chapter and as I read your chapter eleven could see the action take place in my head with fine imagery. I hope Anna's okay, nice way to keep the readers hanging.
Comments: I would recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers as a 'must' read for a good time. I'd encourage you to keep moving forward with your entertaining story, my friend. I hope to catch your next chapter. Please have a blessed day.
Melissa.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Flamingbush
Although I did just sort of "jump in" on this, it seems pretty understandable, not at all confusing. It's good to see Troy's emotions as well as his verbal comments throughout this partial chapter. I especially like that part about how he studied his coffee cup and thought to himself that he didn't need more coffee.
I appreciate the information at the end, which helps enhance my understanding of the story.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Although I did just sort of "jump in" on this, it seems pretty understandable, not at all confusing. It's good to see Troy's emotions as well as his verbal comments throughout this partial chapter. I especially like that part about how he studied his coffee cup and thought to himself that he didn't need more coffee.
I appreciate the information at the end, which helps enhance my understanding of the story.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and support. Welcome.
Comment from MumEsGirl
I havent read your previous chapters, but this could easily work as a stand alone given the content.
It sums up the misery of those who wait in hospital corridors for news of their loved ones.
The artwork is exvellent capturing the helplessness of the situtaion and the agony of not knowing
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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I havent read your previous chapters, but this could easily work as a stand alone given the content.
It sums up the misery of those who wait in hospital corridors for news of their loved ones.
The artwork is exvellent capturing the helplessness of the situtaion and the agony of not knowing
hugs
kate
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Connie P
With all my complications right now, I've missed so much. I see someone got to Anna and it looks as if she may not make it. How sad.
Really well done, Barbara!
Connie
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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With all my complications right now, I've missed so much. I see someone got to Anna and it looks as if she may not make it. How sad.
Really well done, Barbara!
Connie
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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I miss you!!!! I am glad you are here. I hope you get to stay around for awhile I am waiting for your next post. Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from jclark
This roller coaster ride is killing me, Barbara! I felt as if I was pacing the hospital waiting room with Paul and Troy and I am nervous about what is next to come. It was a nice shift having Paul and Troy talk about their story for a bit. Traumatic events cause people to stop, reflect and appreciate. Great chapter! Judy
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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This roller coaster ride is killing me, Barbara! I felt as if I was pacing the hospital waiting room with Paul and Troy and I am nervous about what is next to come. It was a nice shift having Paul and Troy talk about their story for a bit. Traumatic events cause people to stop, reflect and appreciate. Great chapter! Judy
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from ScarletClearwater
Oh no!!!!! Don't leave us hanging like that. Great chapter although I'd pare down your character's thoughts. it broke the reading up for me. But I loved it overall.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Oh no!!!!! Don't leave us hanging like that. Great chapter although I'd pare down your character's thoughts. it broke the reading up for me. But I loved it overall.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. In a previous post, I received four stars because I didn't have enough thought in it. I can't win. LOL
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Ha ha, I know how that feels.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is well written you have built the atmosphere of the waiting room into the work with the realistic characters and the closing line pulls in the readers to want to read more well done regards Fuller
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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This is well written you have built the atmosphere of the waiting room into the work with the realistic characters and the closing line pulls in the readers to want to read more well done regards Fuller
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.