Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 68 "part four, Chapter 20"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
70 total reviews
Comment from WilliamDeen
Good write, Barbara. An enjoyable read and good addition to the story. I wondered about one thing.
You wrote, "Shortly after Anna's eyes closed again, Michael became fussy."
Thought it might sound better like this, "Shortly after Anna's eyes closed again, Michael started fussing."
Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing, Billy
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Good write, Barbara. An enjoyable read and good addition to the story. I wondered about one thing.
You wrote, "Shortly after Anna's eyes closed again, Michael became fussy."
Thought it might sound better like this, "Shortly after Anna's eyes closed again, Michael started fussing."
Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing, Billy
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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I will consider the suggestion. I keep getting hit for using ing ending words. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
Hey there. How are you doing? I hope well. Another good chapter, however, I'm wondering if it's a bit bland. What I mean is, she wakes she sleeps, she wakes, she sleeps. Seeing this may be closer to the end, I think maybe a bit more conflect. I guess I just read Nor84's article on conflect, and I am seeing it or lack of it everwhere now.
hOWEVER, i STILL LOVE YOU BOOK.
HUGS HEIDI
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Hey there. How are you doing? I hope well. Another good chapter, however, I'm wondering if it's a bit bland. What I mean is, she wakes she sleeps, she wakes, she sleeps. Seeing this may be closer to the end, I think maybe a bit more conflect. I guess I just read Nor84's article on conflect, and I am seeing it or lack of it everwhere now.
hOWEVER, i STILL LOVE YOU BOOK.
HUGS HEIDI
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank for your kind review. I have given Anna so much conflict during this novel, I thought I better give her a break before ending.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Another great chapter and penned well.
Her awakening seems to be have rejuvenated Troy.
Nothing popped out at me as needing work. It had a smooth flow and overall emotion was high as Anna starts her recovery.
Well done.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Another great chapter and penned well.
Her awakening seems to be have rejuvenated Troy.
Nothing popped out at me as needing work. It had a smooth flow and overall emotion was high as Anna starts her recovery.
Well done.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from jhp124gr
Very nice, I really enjoyed how you described the interaction between troy and Anna, very realistic.
"He adjusted the straw and offered it to her. She sipped, paused, and sipped again. "Thank you." Her lids closed briefly, then reopened."
Provided me a recollection of the same scene which played out, exactly as described, in my own life with a loved one. I have to rate this six stars. Glad, I had one to provide for your excellence in writing this chapter.
Michael
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Very nice, I really enjoyed how you described the interaction between troy and Anna, very realistic.
"He adjusted the straw and offered it to her. She sipped, paused, and sipped again. "Thank you." Her lids closed briefly, then reopened."
Provided me a recollection of the same scene which played out, exactly as described, in my own life with a loved one. I have to rate this six stars. Glad, I had one to provide for your excellence in writing this chapter.
Michael
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from gazzagodbod
im a nurse working in the nhs england we dont have beautiful pictures like that in our hospital rooms lol great story though loved it xxgazzax
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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im a nurse working in the nhs england we dont have beautiful pictures like that in our hospital rooms lol great story though loved it xxgazzax
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from JW
It is not really surprising that after all Anna has been though that her mind is blocking here memory.
You did a great job in writing this. Congrats. JW
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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It is not really surprising that after all Anna has been though that her mind is blocking here memory.
You did a great job in writing this. Congrats. JW
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from jaeladarling
Good to see Anna awake, even if only for a few moments. I hope she's still okay by the time Troy makes it back! Can't wait to see what happens next. :) Nice work!
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Good to see Anna awake, even if only for a few moments. I hope she's still okay by the time Troy makes it back! Can't wait to see what happens next. :) Nice work!
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara. Excellent as always. Be careful, Anna, I'm falling in love with Troy ... just kidding. Lovely flowers too. You can ask your husband for a close-up photo of the Indian blankets.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Hi, Barbara. Excellent as always. Be careful, Anna, I'm falling in love with Troy ... just kidding. Lovely flowers too. You can ask your husband for a close-up photo of the Indian blankets.
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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I have a close up that he took. I might use it later. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi,Barb. How have you been lately? I hope better. This is one of your best chapters, I think. Although I don't read every one of them as I should...I am always anxious to see how the story is going.
Your imagery and dialogue are superb in your writing. Examples:
"After pulling his chair closer to the bed, Troy took her hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed it. "I love you." He used his finger tips to caress her lips. "I'm sorry. I should've done a better job protecting you. I promise nobody will ever hurt you again."
And: "Troy stood, reached for the water pitcher, and poured a glass. He adjusted the straw and offered it to her.
She sipped, paused, and sipped again. "Thank you." Her lids closed briefly, then reopened"
I do have a suggestion if I may, Barb: In these lines below note the repetition of the word "patted" in close proximity to one another:
"Margaret patted her arm. "I'll help Betty with Michael."
As Betty opened the door, she glanced at Paul. "Are you staying again tonight?"
He put his hand on Troy's back. "I'll stay so you can get some rest."
"I'm not leaving until Anna's safe. You don't need to stay. Get some rest. I'll be fine." Troy pointed toward the chair. "It's almost comfortable." He grinned. "I'll see you all tomorrow."
Paul patted Anna's arm. "I'll be here first thing in the morning."
Great job overall....Bob
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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Hi,Barb. How have you been lately? I hope better. This is one of your best chapters, I think. Although I don't read every one of them as I should...I am always anxious to see how the story is going.
Your imagery and dialogue are superb in your writing. Examples:
"After pulling his chair closer to the bed, Troy took her hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed it. "I love you." He used his finger tips to caress her lips. "I'm sorry. I should've done a better job protecting you. I promise nobody will ever hurt you again."
And: "Troy stood, reached for the water pitcher, and poured a glass. He adjusted the straw and offered it to her.
She sipped, paused, and sipped again. "Thank you." Her lids closed briefly, then reopened"
I do have a suggestion if I may, Barb: In these lines below note the repetition of the word "patted" in close proximity to one another:
"Margaret patted her arm. "I'll help Betty with Michael."
As Betty opened the door, she glanced at Paul. "Are you staying again tonight?"
He put his hand on Troy's back. "I'll stay so you can get some rest."
"I'm not leaving until Anna's safe. You don't need to stay. Get some rest. I'll be fine." Troy pointed toward the chair. "It's almost comfortable." He grinned. "I'll see you all tomorrow."
Paul patted Anna's arm. "I'll be here first thing in the morning."
Great job overall....Bob
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I appreciate your kindness. I took a pretty hard hit last evening and I am about ready to quit.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
The picture of the Indian blankets is beautiful and I can almost see them in Anna's room. Troy loves her so much and I hope when this is all over they will marry. I am so glad she is showing signs of healing but apparently she still doesn't' know what happened to her. One thing she does remember is her love for Michael. I think she has blocked the horrible events, that almost caused her death, from her conscience mind. This is another well written chapter (as if you ever write a bad one! Smile) Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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Hi Barbara,
The picture of the Indian blankets is beautiful and I can almost see them in Anna's room. Troy loves her so much and I hope when this is all over they will marry. I am so glad she is showing signs of healing but apparently she still doesn't' know what happened to her. One thing she does remember is her love for Michael. I think she has blocked the horrible events, that almost caused her death, from her conscience mind. This is another well written chapter (as if you ever write a bad one! Smile) Blessings, chey
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.