Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 69 "part five, Chapter 20"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
75 total reviews
Comment from Auroraboreal800
VERY GOOD chapter!! I think Anna, right now, wants to have just a "selective memory" after all the sad and traumatic experience she had in her first marriage. If her entire memory will return automatically or will require a lot of therapy, it's something in God's hands...
GREAT JOB Barbara!! Oh... Nice picture too!
:)
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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VERY GOOD chapter!! I think Anna, right now, wants to have just a "selective memory" after all the sad and traumatic experience she had in her first marriage. If her entire memory will return automatically or will require a lot of therapy, it's something in God's hands...
GREAT JOB Barbara!! Oh... Nice picture too!
:)
Comment Written 05-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from greece1998
Congratulations on your excellent story. i see a lot of potential. It is a very well-written story and very well presented. Congratulations, for your remarkable work!
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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Congratulations on your excellent story. i see a lot of potential. It is a very well-written story and very well presented. Congratulations, for your remarkable work!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Terra Dane
I noted author knocked another reviewer for giving her a three, but the reviewer pointed out something author should take seriously--a lack of passion. I know you've gotten snippy with me before, but if you're serious about your writing then take 3 seriously. Report me to FS, I don't care. A writing site should be about growing as a writer--don't knock those three's--they are being honest, everyone else is either literarily inept or, well, being a smuck like me--offering a review for the cents (I'm joking, because I'd annoyed).
I hope the author will take a second look and reconsider. I am not a romance fiction fan, but is the writing really this soapish? If so forgive me the four and I'll shut-up. On the other hand I really hope author reconsiders, because she obviously enjoys writing--so write, let the words flow, let passion flow, get possessed and obsessed by the magic of story--especially story telling--chapter 1 or 50 should grab the reader, compel them further than a quarter of the way.
Grow, baby, grow! I've tried to make this as positive as possible, because we should strive to help each other not buy each other.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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I noted author knocked another reviewer for giving her a three, but the reviewer pointed out something author should take seriously--a lack of passion. I know you've gotten snippy with me before, but if you're serious about your writing then take 3 seriously. Report me to FS, I don't care. A writing site should be about growing as a writer--don't knock those three's--they are being honest, everyone else is either literarily inept or, well, being a smuck like me--offering a review for the cents (I'm joking, because I'd annoyed).
I hope the author will take a second look and reconsider. I am not a romance fiction fan, but is the writing really this soapish? If so forgive me the four and I'll shut-up. On the other hand I really hope author reconsiders, because she obviously enjoys writing--so write, let the words flow, let passion flow, get possessed and obsessed by the magic of story--especially story telling--chapter 1 or 50 should grab the reader, compel them further than a quarter of the way.
Grow, baby, grow! I've tried to make this as positive as possible, because we should strive to help each other not buy each other.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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This post is part 5 if a longer chapter which had actionand a lot of passion in it. This post is building up to the next chapter. I only posted about 700 words this time. Not all sections will have passion/action. It is really hard to review a novel when you only come in for a post. You do not know the story or whether it has passion or action in it. It had plenty of passion and action when Anna was getting the crap kicked out of her often throughout this novel. There was passion as she tried to rebuild her life through therapy. I think judging on on one rebuilding post is unfair. This post did not have passion, but to judge a 350 word novel on 700 words is wrong. 99% of my reviewers have followed the story since the beginning and understand how this fits in. Thank you for allowing me my say.
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It's not the story itself. It is the writing that I was commenting on. As a cure, perhaps a free write exercise would be good, one of those where you release emotion, every stroke of the pen, keyboard, done with emotion--blood, sweat, and tears. Again, though not the story. Just a thought on free the passion of the writer so that her story, an excellent idea, does not flatline but instead becomes what I believe author intends.
Comment from yonashalom
This part of your chapter is well written. The conversation between the characters sounds very natural. Since this part has to stand alone for its rating, I'm going to do that. And no worries, this "part" makes me want to read more to find out what happens. You have good writing skills. Best of luck with your novel. Good subject matter with an important message. :) G-d bless! ~Yona
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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This part of your chapter is well written. The conversation between the characters sounds very natural. Since this part has to stand alone for its rating, I'm going to do that. And no worries, this "part" makes me want to read more to find out what happens. You have good writing skills. Best of luck with your novel. Good subject matter with an important message. :) G-d bless! ~Yona
Comment Written 04-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Stalking Wolf
Not been following, but the header gave enough to help. The writer does a great job of how things should go after such and ordeal. Good dialogue, and conversation. Enjoyed.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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Not been following, but the header gave enough to help. The writer does a great job of how things should go after such and ordeal. Good dialogue, and conversation. Enjoyed.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from purrfect tale
I had to chuckle - they're all picnicking and she gets clear liquids. It was a nice bit of humor to throw in.
Troy returned (to) the room and stood beside his father.
Paul reached into (the open) basket. - Oops
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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I had to chuckle - they're all picnicking and she gets clear liquids. It was a nice bit of humor to throw in.
Troy returned (to) the room and stood beside his father.
Paul reached into (the open) basket. - Oops
Comment Written 04-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2012
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I made some corrections to your last suggestion and still messed it up. Thank you once again for your eagle eye.
Comment from Grammies
I like the story. The characters are solid and the story moves along well. Just a few errors or possibly you will edit changes:
1- Paul reached to open the basket - s/b toward (see line Betty waved her hand....opened it.."
2- I'm positive of those restrictions - try 'adamant restrictions are kept or followed
3- third last line 'you are right?' - s/b 'you alright ?'
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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I like the story. The characters are solid and the story moves along well. Just a few errors or possibly you will edit changes:
1- Paul reached to open the basket - s/b toward (see line Betty waved her hand....opened it.."
2- I'm positive of those restrictions - try 'adamant restrictions are kept or followed
3- third last line 'you are right?' - s/b 'you alright ?'
Comment Written 04-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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I have made all the changes except #3. Betty is looking at Anna and asking you are, correct???? or in dialogue, right. Thank you for your eagle eye.
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Right on! Glad to help!;)
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Lovely. Glad she's coming around. I really enjoyed the dialogue, and your picnic basket description made me hungry!
An enjoyable read, Barbara. Love your author notes too, about the kittens! Sounds like they're doing well. :o)
If I might make one suggestion:
Paul ran his hands through his balding gray hair. I think 'thinning gray hair' would sound better. I think his head is balding, because his hair is thinning.
Hugs, Av.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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Lovely. Glad she's coming around. I really enjoyed the dialogue, and your picnic basket description made me hungry!
An enjoyable read, Barbara. Love your author notes too, about the kittens! Sounds like they're doing well. :o)
If I might make one suggestion:
Paul ran his hands through his balding gray hair. I think 'thinning gray hair' would sound better. I think his head is balding, because his hair is thinning.
Hugs, Av.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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I like the suggestion. Thank you for you for the kind review.
Comment from Brumar97
Good dialogue... It could use more passion. I know I am only reading a small section of a larger work. Good luck with your novel. Let me know when it hits the bookstores:)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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Good dialogue... It could use more passion. I know I am only reading a small section of a larger work. Good luck with your novel. Let me know when it hits the bookstores:)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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Wow, I haven't had a three since I was new on the site years ago. Maybe you should have started reading when Anna was getting the crap kicked out of her by her ex-husband, then you would of had passion and action. This is a foundation laying post. They are necessary.
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Like I said... I hadn't read previously, but I liked what I read and look forward to reading the whole thing when it gets published... which I believe it will:)
Comment from ScarletClearwater
I thought this was a nice chapter to get through all of the craziness. it was a good read and the end was perfect. Very comforting. Great job.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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I thought this was a nice chapter to get through all of the craziness. it was a good read and the end was perfect. Very comforting. Great job.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.