Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Osteya Moon"Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from JM daSilva
The scene and the dialogue were clear and crisp. Things were organized in a logical manner. Very good. You just should control a little more your use of reflexives and passive voice.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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The scene and the dialogue were clear and crisp. Things were organized in a logical manner. Very good. You just should control a little more your use of reflexives and passive voice.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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Thanks so much, JM. I appreciate the good advice -- I am trying, but don't always see it. Thanks for the generous review. Warm regards, Bev
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It was a pleasure. As always.
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Rats, they won't allow me to nominate you for your very helpful review.
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Have you nominated 6 already?
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Apparently. They said I couldn't submit your name.
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Ok, then I'm out of it. No problem.
Comment from chasennov
'Osteya Moon.' I very much enjoyed the chapter you wrote here and found it to be well formulated and strongly structured. Thank you for explaining the Sioux terms. I love phonetics.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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'Osteya Moon.' I very much enjoyed the chapter you wrote here and found it to be well formulated and strongly structured. Thank you for explaining the Sioux terms. I love phonetics.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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Thank you, chasennov. I sure appreciate your support and generosity. I think the phonetics are fascinating, too! Warmest regards, Bev
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You're so very welcome, Bev.
Comment from Joan E.
I liked your analogy to a "chess master" and your description of Derek as feeling "chained to his desk" along with his practical motto and his practicing what he preached! Your "fragment of errant fog" and "beggars at the gate" are original and vivid too. Your conversation between him and Jana is very credible. As usual, this chapter is quite well written and moves the story along. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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I liked your analogy to a "chess master" and your description of Derek as feeling "chained to his desk" along with his practical motto and his practicing what he preached! Your "fragment of errant fog" and "beggars at the gate" are original and vivid too. Your conversation between him and Jana is very credible. As usual, this chapter is quite well written and moves the story along. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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Thanks so much, Joan. I'm really appreciate your continuing to follow along with my story. I am in the downturn, so will begin to unravel just who the killer is. Thanks, also, for the exceptional rating, my friend. Hugs, Bev
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Thanks for the sneak peak at the next turn in the story! I think you're enjoying creating it as much as I am reading the tale. Hugs- Joan
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What a gracious reply, Joan. Thank you!
Hugs, Bev
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It is my pleasure to review your work. I don't read much prose on FS simply due to lack of time, but I won't miss your chapters! Just keep writing and sharing- Joan
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Thanks so much, Joan. Your vote of confidence means a lot!
Hugs, Bev
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Yes, for the most part I really am. It's a slow go with a novel. I can see why folks lose steam. So, your support is greatly encouraging. Hugs, Bev
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Good morning from foggy Southern California-
I'm sure your muse will keep you from losing steam. Hope the upcoming weekend is productive. More hugs- Joan
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Thanks for the positive thoughts, Joan. I really appreciate it. Xx Bev
Comment from Connie C
You continue, Bev, to move this story along and keep your readers guessing. I have wondered all along about Father Brian, but it looks like Jana might also have another explanation regarding the priest.
You know I am always looking for spags but couldn't find any. I do so because there is nothing to suggest for improvement regarding your story telling. You are so adept at pulling in your reader and carrying us along with the story. As always, an excellent piece of writing with great dialogue, good description, and that wonderful element of suspense.
Keep up the good work, my dear friend. I had hoped to give you six stars for this, but FS won't let me. Seems like I haven't been able to give you one for more than 30 days. Oh well, I would if I could!
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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You continue, Bev, to move this story along and keep your readers guessing. I have wondered all along about Father Brian, but it looks like Jana might also have another explanation regarding the priest.
You know I am always looking for spags but couldn't find any. I do so because there is nothing to suggest for improvement regarding your story telling. You are so adept at pulling in your reader and carrying us along with the story. As always, an excellent piece of writing with great dialogue, good description, and that wonderful element of suspense.
Keep up the good work, my dear friend. I had hoped to give you six stars for this, but FS won't let me. Seems like I haven't been able to give you one for more than 30 days. Oh well, I would if I could!
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2013
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Connie, your wonderful words of support are gold! Thank you, my friend, for hanging in there with this story. I'm heading for the gate, but that's not to say there aren't a few surprises left. You honor me with your kindness and generosity, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Karen Payton Holt
Another great piece of writing, Bev,
No SPAG that I could find, good pace, paced with visual cues, and lively dialogue. What more can I say?
Picked out a couple of great bits.
The man had, apparently, come and gone like a fragment of errant fog.
Derek blamed it on dirty cops that were like cancer cells bullying their way through a healthy organism.
The child on a swing was excellently depicted, too.
Her eyes went from his face to the board at his back, and Derek drank in the play of muscle, memory and emotion her features displayed. He wasn't sure when or why, but he had a strong sense the case had become intensely personal for his young detective.
Looking forward to the next!
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Another great piece of writing, Bev,
No SPAG that I could find, good pace, paced with visual cues, and lively dialogue. What more can I say?
Picked out a couple of great bits.
The man had, apparently, come and gone like a fragment of errant fog.
Derek blamed it on dirty cops that were like cancer cells bullying their way through a healthy organism.
The child on a swing was excellently depicted, too.
Her eyes went from his face to the board at his back, and Derek drank in the play of muscle, memory and emotion her features displayed. He wasn't sure when or why, but he had a strong sense the case had become intensely personal for his young detective.
Looking forward to the next!
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Karen, thank you so much for this awesome review. I really appreciate your taking so much time to point out the areas you liked. I am very encouraged by your supportive and kind comments and you very generous rating. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
As a serial killer gains confidance in his successes, he/she will become more active. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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As a serial killer gains confidance in his successes, he/she will become more active. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Yes, they do seem to become much bolder, charlie. Thanks for stopping by. Warm regards, Bev
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You're welcome, Bev.
Comment from Rondeno
An excellent novel is getting better with every chapter, Bev! You have a truly professional prose style and it's clear to me that you've done a lot of meticulous research (though it shows itself naturally and unobtrusively in the narrative). This is a joy to read!
Michael xxxx
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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An excellent novel is getting better with every chapter, Bev! You have a truly professional prose style and it's clear to me that you've done a lot of meticulous research (though it shows itself naturally and unobtrusively in the narrative). This is a joy to read!
Michael xxxx
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Michael, thank you so much. You are such a dear to send along this wonderfully encouraging and generous review. I really appreciate your staying with me on this project. Hugs, Bev
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Compare my few scribblings with all that YOU've done for me!
Hugs,
Mike xxxx
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Scribblings they are not! I feel honored to receive praise for my work from someone of such talent and accomplishment.
XoX Bev
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You sweetheart, you! xxx
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where jana comes up with some scenarios and they get a call that mr. buell has been found on the reservation
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where jana comes up with some scenarios and they get a call that mr. buell has been found on the reservation
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Hi, Sweet. Thank you, once again, for taking time to read my chapter. I appreciate the support very much! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
This is another awesome chapter, Bev :) I didn't find any spag or anything questionable to note. It's like reading a published novel. Your writing is fantastic, kiddo!!!
"Jana clasped her hands together and steepled her fingers." - I just love this image :)
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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This is another awesome chapter, Bev :) I didn't find any spag or anything questionable to note. It's like reading a published novel. Your writing is fantastic, kiddo!!!
"Jana clasped her hands together and steepled her fingers." - I just love this image :)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Joy, thank you so much for this awesome review. I really appreciate your encouragement and support, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Doc Holiday
Well-written chapter that opens up some new theories and revelations to consider in this murder investigation. The story has progressed very well and the dialogue does make it not only sound real, but brings the characters to life.
Very well-done, Bev!
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Well-written chapter that opens up some new theories and revelations to consider in this murder investigation. The story has progressed very well and the dialogue does make it not only sound real, but brings the characters to life.
Very well-done, Bev!
Comment Written 26-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2013
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Doc, thank you so very much for this heart-warming and generous review. I really appreciate the support, especially your sharing your special insights. Warmest regards, Bev