The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Apprentice"Love Among the Thorns
43 total reviews
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
I must admit that I really did enjoy your story. It is one that takes a totally different look at the end of the Wild West and the character of Nathan is really refredhing. Well done and hope to read more.
reply by the author on 17-May-2013
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I must admit that I really did enjoy your story. It is one that takes a totally different look at the end of the Wild West and the character of Nathan is really refredhing. Well done and hope to read more.
Comment Written 17-May-2013
reply by the author on 17-May-2013
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Thank you Jacobs.
Comment from Sam Mendonca
A very interesting story line.
I will certainly continue to follow the story to see where
you take it and just what Nathan has in mind. :D
The photo you chose is perfect for the story,
Looking forward to the next chapter. :D
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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A very interesting story line.
I will certainly continue to follow the story to see where
you take it and just what Nathan has in mind. :D
The photo you chose is perfect for the story,
Looking forward to the next chapter. :D
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Thank you so much.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This held my attention all the way thru and I hated to see it end. Your writing style is easy to read yet filled with subtle details that you don't need to spell out. It's good writing. You need work in punctuation, but that's what editors are for. It's not bad enough to spend time picking it apart.
I don't much like Nathan because he comes off as a snob, abandoning his fiancee because she's not "fit" to be a classy doctor's wife. That's a character flaw, and, as you said in your notes, he's just a regular person, and we all have such flaws. I may learn to like him more if/when he gives me reason.
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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This held my attention all the way thru and I hated to see it end. Your writing style is easy to read yet filled with subtle details that you don't need to spell out. It's good writing. You need work in punctuation, but that's what editors are for. It's not bad enough to spend time picking it apart.
I don't much like Nathan because he comes off as a snob, abandoning his fiancee because she's not "fit" to be a classy doctor's wife. That's a character flaw, and, as you said in your notes, he's just a regular person, and we all have such flaws. I may learn to like him more if/when he gives me reason.
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my first chapter. As long as he comes off as a real person you can love or hate, I'll feel I have done my job. Smile. But I think you might like him. By all means point out the spags.It's hard seeing my own mistakes.
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Okay, I'll remember to do that, except for punctuation, which is too widespread and not that serious anyway. I can't find it now, but I do recall seeing YOURS spelled incorrectly as YOUR'S.
Comment from Dustybones
Interesting enough. I feel that you worked very hard. No errors that I saw. So guess what I have for you to enjoy before falling asleep. A Six Star endorsement
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Interesting enough. I feel that you worked very hard. No errors that I saw. So guess what I have for you to enjoy before falling asleep. A Six Star endorsement
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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LOL, now how did you know I looked at one more time before going off to bed. Are you psychic? Thank you so much. I really appreciate your reading and reviewing my first chapter. I hope you keep finding it interesting as it goes along. And thank you for the six stars. It's my first.
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there young Lady. I am Bear Smith, and I am a huge fan of yours. I love your story, it held me right til the end. Nate ain't got nutten over us horse lovers from out west. Here in our property I have 5 mustangs, that have finally allowed me to put a blanket on em. You keep it up lady. This is very good
Bear
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Hey there young Lady. I am Bear Smith, and I am a huge fan of yours. I love your story, it held me right til the end. Nate ain't got nutten over us horse lovers from out west. Here in our property I have 5 mustangs, that have finally allowed me to put a blanket on em. You keep it up lady. This is very good
Bear
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Oh thank you Bear. Coming from you, I feel honored cause I know you know your stuff Cowboy. I like cowboys, because we're the only country who got em. Everybody else can copy, but our Western men are the real deal. LOL
Comment from Cornelius2000
You've certainly gotten your story off to a good start, establising your protagonist, and introducing us to other important characters. Your dialgoue writing comes across as natural and the story moves ahead at a good pace. You've also intrigued us with the notion that Nathan is a person of irresponsible passions, so that we have that to look forward to. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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You've certainly gotten your story off to a good start, establising your protagonist, and introducing us to other important characters. Your dialgoue writing comes across as natural and the story moves ahead at a good pace. You've also intrigued us with the notion that Nathan is a person of irresponsible passions, so that we have that to look forward to. Well done.
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting on this story. I pray it meets you espectations.
Comment from conroy11
Oh the brown-eyed girls! I'm a sucker for them, been married to one for 35 years. This is an intriguing start to your story. I'm so glad I caught it at the beginning. The part about Fearsome Bill was very emotional and written with much heart-felt feeling. The Bible passage was so well chosen. What's not to like about his story? It's got all the popular elements that people like, a hunky doctor, animals, budding romance in the air, and an angelic brown-eyed girl. Great job, amahru! By the way, I read all of James Herriot's "All Creatures Great and Small series so I'm a sucker for veterinarian stories too. Below are some suggestions for your consideration:
"even his six foot-one had to look up when greeted with a deep, howdy stranger."
This sounded a bit awkward maybe "at six foot-one, even he had to.." or " his six foot-one frame had to..." but I guess a "frame can't look up, but something along those lines.
"A well-dressed Negro helped her in, then climbed (to)the top and " I think you dropped a "to" here
"He had become an animal doctor because he'd fantasized (about) his saving heroic war horses "
Maybe an "about" after "fantasized"
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Oh the brown-eyed girls! I'm a sucker for them, been married to one for 35 years. This is an intriguing start to your story. I'm so glad I caught it at the beginning. The part about Fearsome Bill was very emotional and written with much heart-felt feeling. The Bible passage was so well chosen. What's not to like about his story? It's got all the popular elements that people like, a hunky doctor, animals, budding romance in the air, and an angelic brown-eyed girl. Great job, amahru! By the way, I read all of James Herriot's "All Creatures Great and Small series so I'm a sucker for veterinarian stories too. Below are some suggestions for your consideration:
"even his six foot-one had to look up when greeted with a deep, howdy stranger."
This sounded a bit awkward maybe "at six foot-one, even he had to.." or " his six foot-one frame had to..." but I guess a "frame can't look up, but something along those lines.
"A well-dressed Negro helped her in, then climbed (to)the top and " I think you dropped a "to" here
"He had become an animal doctor because he'd fantasized (about) his saving heroic war horses "
Maybe an "about" after "fantasized"
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Thank you my dear for reading and taking the time to catch some spags. Will definitely stick in "about"; have to play around with the others and see what fits. Glad you enjoyed Fearsome Bill. I fell in love with him and then had to kill him...LOL
Comment from Titanx9
Amahra, thanks for a most engrossing read! You have a great start that I am sure will morph into a page turner. This is by no means a criticism, but must you use the term Negro? Just saying.... You're an excellent writer and the use of the term does not take away from story's import or message. I enjoyed reading it and will be back to read about the exploits of the handsome and debonair Veterinarian! Well done!!
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Amahra, thanks for a most engrossing read! You have a great start that I am sure will morph into a page turner. This is by no means a criticism, but must you use the term Negro? Just saying.... You're an excellent writer and the use of the term does not take away from story's import or message. I enjoyed reading it and will be back to read about the exploits of the handsome and debonair Veterinarian! Well done!!
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading my story. As the narrator, though, I must keep my readers in that time period. One of my reviewers had to correct me when I used the word Mom instead of Mother and Hi instead of Hello, etc. Period writing is very difficult. This is my first one.
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I see, perhaps you might find a way to explain the use of certain terms in your author notes. As promised, I will come back to see where you are going with it. So far, great job!
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Will consider. Smile...again thank you for reading.
Comment from NicciFaye
I thought is was a excellent first start of a chapter. You've given me a great background and introduction of the 5 Ws. I thought the dialogue was fairly well. It kept my interest enough to want to know what will develop between Nathan and the new lady friend...Great Read
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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I thought is was a excellent first start of a chapter. You've given me a great background and introduction of the 5 Ws. I thought the dialogue was fairly well. It kept my interest enough to want to know what will develop between Nathan and the new lady friend...Great Read
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. What would make the dialogue better for you?
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Nothing really. I was pleased. Its the introduction, so what you wrote was feasible. I said fairly well with the caveat of possible longer conversations at certain points in the story, but then again it was the introduction. Its all good. I actually had some questions but I will shoot you an email.
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Thank you for your honesty and look forward to email.
Comment from God's Writer
This is a grand story my friend. It is nice to see someone take such pride with their work. You kept my interest throughout and I felt as if I were right there.
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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This is a grand story my friend. It is nice to see someone take such pride with their work. You kept my interest throughout and I felt as if I were right there.
Comment Written 16-May-2013
reply by the author on 16-May-2013
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Thank you Happy. I recently read an Ode to you; I really liked it.
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I write the words that God gives me to write. I am just the broken clay pot that lets the love of God's love shine through. I appreciated the poem, but was taken aback by it.