The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Lost Angel"Love Among the Thorns
49 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I am a big fan of using dialogue to move a story along, and you do that well. There are some punctuation and capitalization errors, but they are on the minor side. For example, when Nathan says he'll be a practicing doctor, you don't need to capitalize 'doctor.'
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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I am a big fan of using dialogue to move a story along, and you do that well. There are some punctuation and capitalization errors, but they are on the minor side. For example, when Nathan says he'll be a practicing doctor, you don't need to capitalize 'doctor.'
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much. I'll make the correction.
Comment from marijmd
The choice between family and young love - A true testimony to the age of your story.
a few suggestions:
I think it would read smoother if you dropped (inside of him)
handkerchief she had given him up to his nose and breathed her scent deep inside of him.
you just used intimate part above - consider changing to danced around the particulars.(or something like that)
but Nate managed to dance all around the intimate part.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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The choice between family and young love - A true testimony to the age of your story.
a few suggestions:
I think it would read smoother if you dropped (inside of him)
handkerchief she had given him up to his nose and breathed her scent deep inside of him.
you just used intimate part above - consider changing to danced around the particulars.(or something like that)
but Nate managed to dance all around the intimate part.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for reading and your suggestions.
Comment from Gungalo
Boy she had all the reasons in the world why she could never marry him didn't she. Sigh, it will be hard for him to get over it but he will.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Boy she had all the reasons in the world why she could never marry him didn't she. Sigh, it will be hard for him to get over it but he will.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Oh, he will. Are you helping me write this? LOL I'm just kidding. I guess we'll have to see...huh? Thank you my dear.
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LOL smile Amahra.
Comment from barkingdog
Finally, I found time to read this chapter. Margaret is a real pill! Even if she came crawling back, I wouldn't have her for fear she'd always have doubts, and through them,a relationship would be sabotaged from the start.
There are other girls, but of course, he' loves her, and love is a foolish adviser.
Nicely character revelation.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Finally, I found time to read this chapter. Margaret is a real pill! Even if she came crawling back, I wouldn't have her for fear she'd always have doubts, and through them,a relationship would be sabotaged from the start.
There are other girls, but of course, he' loves her, and love is a foolish adviser.
Nicely character revelation.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Oh, take your head out of my pen. LOL Thank you my dear for reading and reviewing my story. All my other installments will be shorter.
Comment from Antonin70
As a British reviewer of this excerpt from an obviously long American historical romance novel,I at first felt slightly hesitant at commenting on the content.But then I realised that it was very close to what we in England call a "Mills and Boone" novel. That is a highly popular piece of romantic fiction which, if done well, sells really well. Imagining myself to be an American reader of such a book, I soon found that the the characters were all that I would have hoped. He was bettering himself in life, she was upper class, knew it and was teasing him; but beneath the banter they really were in love. If this book carries on at this pace and level of interest it should be very good indeed. A good read and a good write.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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As a British reviewer of this excerpt from an obviously long American historical romance novel,I at first felt slightly hesitant at commenting on the content.But then I realised that it was very close to what we in England call a "Mills and Boone" novel. That is a highly popular piece of romantic fiction which, if done well, sells really well. Imagining myself to be an American reader of such a book, I soon found that the the characters were all that I would have hoped. He was bettering himself in life, she was upper class, knew it and was teasing him; but beneath the banter they really were in love. If this book carries on at this pace and level of interest it should be very good indeed. A good read and a good write.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Wow, If this review doesn't encourage me to write this book well, I don't know what will. Thank you my dear, I needed this challenge.
Comment from NicciFaye
Excellent. You've held my interest and I love it. Now I know what it was for the first reading, was it was somewhat slow,BUT not boring. The background you provided served well for this exceptionally. Writing. I loved how you made the chapters seem so lively. I can't believe her dad is such a ignorant man, but that would be typical back then. The needed rendezvous of them meeting up, the emotional heart break of this is not going to happen. Just a great write. Awesome and timeless imagination of old time love you have. I enjoyed.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Excellent. You've held my interest and I love it. Now I know what it was for the first reading, was it was somewhat slow,BUT not boring. The background you provided served well for this exceptionally. Writing. I loved how you made the chapters seem so lively. I can't believe her dad is such a ignorant man, but that would be typical back then. The needed rendezvous of them meeting up, the emotional heart break of this is not going to happen. Just a great write. Awesome and timeless imagination of old time love you have. I enjoyed.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and is staying with me.
Comment from TOMORAL
What a intriguing story. You got and kept my interest all the way through. You have a definite talent for writing. Thanks so much for sharing. I would love to read first two chapters and will check it out!
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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What a intriguing story. You got and kept my interest all the way through. You have a definite talent for writing. Thanks so much for sharing. I would love to read first two chapters and will check it out!
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for reviewing my story.
Comment from gene roush
nice job.
I really enjoy your dialogue -- it's natural and revealing.
I think that you -- like I-- can use a little work on narrative. It's difficult to know how much is needed to set a scene and reveal inner conflict.
I think that a read through and a couple small tweaks and this can be amazing.
Thanks for sharing
gene
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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nice job.
I really enjoy your dialogue -- it's natural and revealing.
I think that you -- like I-- can use a little work on narrative. It's difficult to know how much is needed to set a scene and reveal inner conflict.
I think that a read through and a couple small tweaks and this can be amazing.
Thanks for sharing
gene
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Yes. I have to find a balance. I'm pretty good at narrative but got hammered on here a lot for too much tell and not enough show. Now I have a little too much dialogue. LOL So I'll find that balance, just stick with me. And thank you for your suggestions. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Hareem.S
Even though I have not read the rest of the chapters, this seems like an interesting book. The characters are very vividly portrayed especially Nathan's. Enjoyed it much.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Even though I have not read the rest of the chapters, this seems like an interesting book. The characters are very vividly portrayed especially Nathan's. Enjoyed it much.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Thank you Hareem.
Comment from Block
I really found this story interesting. I like it because it keep me interested from the beginning to the end. I am going to go back and read the earlier chapters so I can catch up on what has happened up to now and so I'll be able to follow the other chapters you write.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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I really found this story interesting. I like it because it keep me interested from the beginning to the end. I am going to go back and read the earlier chapters so I can catch up on what has happened up to now and so I'll be able to follow the other chapters you write.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2013
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Thank you Block.