Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Fragrance of First Night"A book of Poetry & Writing
117 total reviews
Comment from Sonaleeka
Title and poem both are really awesome.I enjoyed every bit of it.I cant say how much i liked it.Very very well written my friend.
God bless!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Title and poem both are really awesome.I enjoyed every bit of it.I cant say how much i liked it.Very very well written my friend.
God bless!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Again thank you for this
Comment from colorfree
Very well written, beautiful poem. My only critique would be the use of "lust" in the last line. It just doesn't seem to fit with the theme of pure, first love. Just a thought. I only want to help. Thanks for sharing and good luck!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Very well written, beautiful poem. My only critique would be the use of "lust" in the last line. It just doesn't seem to fit with the theme of pure, first love. Just a thought. I only want to help. Thanks for sharing and good luck!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2014
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Thanks
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
One who has experienced a first night remembers the innocence alluded to in this poem but the purity, passion, and virtue, don't seem to blend with lust, so-called intimacy, or ambition; opposite values and virtues struggled for by many a saint.
I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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One who has experienced a first night remembers the innocence alluded to in this poem but the purity, passion, and virtue, don't seem to blend with lust, so-called intimacy, or ambition; opposite values and virtues struggled for by many a saint.
I didn't see any grammatical or spelling errors.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from lancellot
Yes, there is nothing quite like new love. It is heavy with the sense of lust and that only enhances the feelings of love. They work hand and hand to make the time unforgettable. Great work.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Yes, there is nothing quite like new love. It is heavy with the sense of lust and that only enhances the feelings of love. They work hand and hand to make the time unforgettable. Great work.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you Ian
Comment from NurseBarb
This is so beautifully written that I had to read it again. I found this poem to be written with such passion and romance. "Our bodies charged from endless tease" is perfect to describe their first love encounter together after marriage which is so rare these days. Good luck in this contest. I enjoyed reading this and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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This is so beautifully written that I had to read it again. I found this poem to be written with such passion and romance. "Our bodies charged from endless tease" is perfect to describe their first love encounter together after marriage which is so rare these days. Good luck in this contest. I enjoyed reading this and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from a.w.brooks
Great Free verse poem I loved it and I can see why you have been recognized thanks for the poem and don't ever stop thanks again and happy writing
This silent night as moonlight sheds, its last rays for the dawn,
A ring of gold lay on your hand, with passion, your virtue, so pure,
Your fragrance lingers upon my lips, from kisses all so true,
Our bodies charged from endless tease, this first night love with you,
How sublime your body yearned for endless love, the awe of all submission,
Whisper of love so entangled the night, reflect our soul's condition,
This intimacy of night's first love, so pure with no ambition,
What more to want, but lusts first love or memories of first night.
gw
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Great Free verse poem I loved it and I can see why you have been recognized thanks for the poem and don't ever stop thanks again and happy writing
This silent night as moonlight sheds, its last rays for the dawn,
A ring of gold lay on your hand, with passion, your virtue, so pure,
Your fragrance lingers upon my lips, from kisses all so true,
Our bodies charged from endless tease, this first night love with you,
How sublime your body yearned for endless love, the awe of all submission,
Whisper of love so entangled the night, reflect our soul's condition,
This intimacy of night's first love, so pure with no ambition,
What more to want, but lusts first love or memories of first night.
gw
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from mypoems11
Absolutely beautiful! You completely captured the "first night" with perfect passion and beauty. Very best of luck in this contest, as you are an excellent writer!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Absolutely beautiful! You completely captured the "first night" with perfect passion and beauty. Very best of luck in this contest, as you are an excellent writer!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Martin Chan
This free verse poetry " The Fragrance of First Night" is truly a nicely composed and nicely presented poem with wonderful words describing the fragrance of kisses, love, lust, passion, intimacy etc of the night's first love and the memories of it. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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This free verse poetry " The Fragrance of First Night" is truly a nicely composed and nicely presented poem with wonderful words describing the fragrance of kisses, love, lust, passion, intimacy etc of the night's first love and the memories of it. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Walker_09
This piece was very well written; the syllables and line breaks really fit well. Your use of vocabulary is excellent, I liked this a lot.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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This piece was very well written; the syllables and line breaks really fit well. Your use of vocabulary is excellent, I liked this a lot.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Lena Borghi
This is a beautiful write which evokes those feelings of anticipation when the world was a little more innocent than it is now. I like the feel of it and the softness of the words.
The poem overall flows well and reads nicely out loud. I stumble a bit on the second line; I wonder if you could consolidate some of those thoughts into a more fluid line.
Additionally, I have a few more observations for your consideration, as it is a contest entry:
-I don't think you need the coma between sheds and its in line 1.
- Line 2, "lay(s) on your hand"
- Line 3, Don't think you need the coma between lips and from.
- You use the word "endless" in close proximity twice, in lines 4 and 5. I would change one of them (prob line 5 - maybe passion's).
- Line 6, I would prefer Whisper(s) (plural).
I think the rest is all great.
Well done and good luck in the contest!!
Lena
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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This is a beautiful write which evokes those feelings of anticipation when the world was a little more innocent than it is now. I like the feel of it and the softness of the words.
The poem overall flows well and reads nicely out loud. I stumble a bit on the second line; I wonder if you could consolidate some of those thoughts into a more fluid line.
Additionally, I have a few more observations for your consideration, as it is a contest entry:
-I don't think you need the coma between sheds and its in line 1.
- Line 2, "lay(s) on your hand"
- Line 3, Don't think you need the coma between lips and from.
- You use the word "endless" in close proximity twice, in lines 4 and 5. I would change one of them (prob line 5 - maybe passion's).
- Line 6, I would prefer Whisper(s) (plural).
I think the rest is all great.
Well done and good luck in the contest!!
Lena
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you