Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "One Perfect Day"A collection of poems on these themes
31 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Steve;
+ Imagery was very impressive and clear and distinct and also expertly expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing: "We ran to greet the promise of the vines that cloaked the hills around with cloth of green."
+ Rhythmic meter(pentameter), cadence, timing, tempo and movement all helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy. I'm not a specialist and on iambic pentameter but as I read your line some of the triplet syllabic words did not help and some of that iambic pentameter lines. Mountainwriter, who made up the contest, is a specialist on blank verse. I'm just a beginner and I try not to get into triplet syllabic words. Good luck.
+ Enjambment is used to it is the running on of a thought and concepts from a stanza in line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Poetic assessment and summary: far from that my understanding of iambic pentameter the rest of your poem is written very beautifully and I enjoyed and was very impressed by its special feeling and story.
+ Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Steve;
+ Imagery was very impressive and clear and distinct and also expertly expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing: "We ran to greet the promise of the vines that cloaked the hills around with cloth of green."
+ Rhythmic meter(pentameter), cadence, timing, tempo and movement all helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy. I'm not a specialist and on iambic pentameter but as I read your line some of the triplet syllabic words did not help and some of that iambic pentameter lines. Mountainwriter, who made up the contest, is a specialist on blank verse. I'm just a beginner and I try not to get into triplet syllabic words. Good luck.
+ Enjambment is used to it is the running on of a thought and concepts from a stanza in line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ Poetic assessment and summary: far from that my understanding of iambic pentameter the rest of your poem is written very beautifully and I enjoyed and was very impressed by its special feeling and story.
+ Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Alex, thanks for the kind words.
I know I am going to get into strife with Ray (Mountainwriter) for a couple of perceived faults - he is perhaps too strict with some of his demands.
Steve
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Steve, you are so right on him being so strict. As he reviewed mine and gave me the what do.
Alex
Comment from Just2Write
What a beautiful, romantic and love-filled poem. It reads like a classic, and yet it is fresh and new, like all love should be. The beauty of Blank Verse really shines through in this poem. One can feel the pulse of the lover's hearts in the iambic meter and flow of the words. Excellent enjambment.
I especially liked the personification of the olive tree:
that wrapped us in its gnarled and twisted arms
and whispered softly, "Welcome to my shade."
We were not new. A thousand lovers smiled
across the years to see our warm embrace
I can just picture how the very old tree had been witness to countless lovers over the years, and how it had cared for each of them by lending shade, and perhaps a touch of privacy for their unfolding love. Beautiful poem, Steve.
Great presentation with the Van Gogh painting of an olive grove
This will be tough to beat, my talented friend.
Rose.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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What a beautiful, romantic and love-filled poem. It reads like a classic, and yet it is fresh and new, like all love should be. The beauty of Blank Verse really shines through in this poem. One can feel the pulse of the lover's hearts in the iambic meter and flow of the words. Excellent enjambment.
I especially liked the personification of the olive tree:
that wrapped us in its gnarled and twisted arms
and whispered softly, "Welcome to my shade."
We were not new. A thousand lovers smiled
across the years to see our warm embrace
I can just picture how the very old tree had been witness to countless lovers over the years, and how it had cared for each of them by lending shade, and perhaps a touch of privacy for their unfolding love. Beautiful poem, Steve.
Great presentation with the Van Gogh painting of an olive grove
This will be tough to beat, my talented friend.
Rose.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Rose - I appreciate your lovely review and the six stars.
I suspect I ill be in trouble with the contest organiser for perceived faults of rhyme and meter - he has sent me a list of required changes. I don't see how I can make some of those changes without weakening the poem so we may hve a stand-off - don't be surprised to see this one disqualified.
Steve
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I would be surprised, but then I often go with how a poem 'feels' and not how it is technically put together. I don't mean to sound presumptuous, but If I can be of help, let me know. Rose
Comment from acerisestory
Hello Steve -- Your poem is absolutely lovely, and although I don't have iambic pentameter flowing through my veins yet :) I believe you've accomplished it perfectly!
The beauty and the imagery of your words is fabulous. Your wonderful use of alliteration throughout your poem adds to the flow of so many well chosen words. I think this stanza is my very favorite, although they all resonate with me:
"Do you recall, my love, that Tuscan morn,
when life and love stretched boundless, far away
into a future golden as the sun
that shot his blazing arrows on our wall?"
Best of luck, my friend! This has to be a winner. Take care. Alana
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Hello Steve -- Your poem is absolutely lovely, and although I don't have iambic pentameter flowing through my veins yet :) I believe you've accomplished it perfectly!
The beauty and the imagery of your words is fabulous. Your wonderful use of alliteration throughout your poem adds to the flow of so many well chosen words. I think this stanza is my very favorite, although they all resonate with me:
"Do you recall, my love, that Tuscan morn,
when life and love stretched boundless, far away
into a future golden as the sun
that shot his blazing arrows on our wall?"
Best of luck, my friend! This has to be a winner. Take care. Alana
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Alana, thanks for the great review and the six stars - much appreciated.
As for being a winner, I suspect I ill be in trouble with Ray for perceived faults of rhyme and meter - he has sent me a list of required changes. I don't see how I can make some of those changes without weakening the poem so we may hve a stand-off - don't be surprised to see this one disqualified.
Steve
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I hope you won't be disqualified, Steve. It's a wonderful poem. Take care, my friend!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Another very lovely blank verse. No rhyme and perfect pentameter. Tells the story of a memory of young lovers on a perfect day together, long ago, under the Tuscan sun. Well done Steve. Good luck in the contest. Nancy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Another very lovely blank verse. No rhyme and perfect pentameter. Tells the story of a memory of young lovers on a perfect day together, long ago, under the Tuscan sun. Well done Steve. Good luck in the contest. Nancy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Nancy, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Sasha
The complicated and too many rules of poetry send my poor brain into a downward spiral, so I will pass on that job. This poem captivated me from the very beginning. Beautifully written with sunning descriptions and captivated me completely. Marvelous entry (I am sure) for this contest and I wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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The complicated and too many rules of poetry send my poor brain into a downward spiral, so I will pass on that job. This poem captivated me from the very beginning. Beautifully written with sunning descriptions and captivated me completely. Marvelous entry (I am sure) for this contest and I wish you all the best.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Sasha.
Still in dispute with the organiser over whether this complies, although I did my best to follow his rather pedantic rules.
Fingers crossed, but don't be surprised if this is disqualified.
Steve
Comment from Debbie Noland
This is lovely. It capture the exuberance of young love and the longing to be able to re-live that in retrospect. The meter is flawless, and the enjambed lines enhance the feel of excitement and breathlessness. The poem enables for the reader the vicarious experience of a perfect day.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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This is lovely. It capture the exuberance of young love and the longing to be able to re-live that in retrospect. The meter is flawless, and the enjambed lines enhance the feel of excitement and breathlessness. The poem enables for the reader the vicarious experience of a perfect day.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Debbie, thanks so much for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Deborah Marie
Well penned contest entry; good luck. Artwork is wonderfully paired with your blank verse poem and color scheme. Wonderful wording, progression, rhythm and flow as well as impressive imagery. Thanks for sharing and God Bless, Deb
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Well penned contest entry; good luck. Artwork is wonderfully paired with your blank verse poem and color scheme. Wonderful wording, progression, rhythm and flow as well as impressive imagery. Thanks for sharing and God Bless, Deb
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Debbie, thanks so much for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from waterartist707
There is a beautiful element to this piece. It's captivating and the descriptions are incredible. Excellent flow and well written, I greatly enjoyed it.
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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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There is a beautiful element to this piece. It's captivating and the descriptions are incredible. Excellent flow and well written, I greatly enjoyed it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from tfawcus
Well, Steve, this is a stunning poem! The blank verse requirements are faultlessly met in terms of iambic rhythm and lack of rhyme. The enjambment is skilled and helps with the fluidity of the verses. More importantly, you have conjured up such a strong image of the Tuscan summer, the luxurious indolence of young lovers and the not unnatural regret that such days have flown. What memories though! The painting is a perfect accompaniment! Van Gogh? It looks familiar. This will be a hard one to beat in the contest! Congratulations!
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Well, Steve, this is a stunning poem! The blank verse requirements are faultlessly met in terms of iambic rhythm and lack of rhyme. The enjambment is skilled and helps with the fluidity of the verses. More importantly, you have conjured up such a strong image of the Tuscan summer, the luxurious indolence of young lovers and the not unnatural regret that such days have flown. What memories though! The painting is a perfect accompaniment! Van Gogh? It looks familiar. This will be a hard one to beat in the contest! Congratulations!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Tony, thanks for the great review and the six stars - much appreciated.
I have crossed swords with Ray, the organiser over his overly stringent rules about rhyme. He insists on no semblance of end rhyme, even though the words may be stanzas apart and he has also pointed the finger at one (perceived) weak iamb. I have quoted Shakespeare at him only to get 'Shakespeare can break the rules, we are not Shakespeare' in response. I will try to abide by his rules and then restore the piece to how it should be after the contest!
Steve
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I understand he is artificially restricting the form for the benefit of his basic blank verse students. I quoted Robert Frost's "Mending Wall" at him, which relies heavily on internal rhyme for its effect.
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... and I have challenged him to find one major poet who abides by his 'rules'! I have now calmed down enough to say I need to have a conversation with him after the voting. I would like to find out where the rules come from.
Only one more fix to go - bread and red in the same line. He missed that the first time through but noticed it after another reviewer mentioned it... Bugger!
Steve
Comment from MissMerri
I can't believe how beautiful this poem is! It is written in flowing and flawless iambic pentameter and great blank verse form. The words create the most enticing visual pictures. You paint such lovely scenes. This is a treat to read.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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I can't believe how beautiful this poem is! It is written in flowing and flawless iambic pentameter and great blank verse form. The words create the most enticing visual pictures. You paint such lovely scenes. This is a treat to read.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much for the glowing review and the six stars. I have had to make a few changes to drag this into line with the stringent rules imposed, but I will be changing it back again after the contest is completed.
Steve