2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "Haiku (delicate pink leaf)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
42 total reviews
Comment from JanPerry
Very nice imagery with the pink leaf. I can see it floating down the river, while the earth stinks like rain. I notice after rain the river smells a bit, like dirty water. Good luck for the entry.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Very nice imagery with the pink leaf. I can see it floating down the river, while the earth stinks like rain. I notice after rain the river smells a bit, like dirty water. Good luck for the entry.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you Jan :) I love the smell of rain... lol it''s funny how everyone comes up with a different experience, I guess that is the beauty of it.
Comment from Nosha17
You have captured the essence of such a stormy day well with your descriptive words and imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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You have captured the essence of such a stormy day well with your descriptive words and imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you Faye :)
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello author, Great haiku. In just a few lines, you have painted a picture and created a mood. I could see, feel, and hear the imagery within. I especially liked:
delicate pink leaf
floats wild torrential river
(wonderful image of delicate and fierce beautifully illustrated.)
As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Hello author, Great haiku. In just a few lines, you have painted a picture and created a mood. I could see, feel, and hear the imagery within. I especially liked:
delicate pink leaf
floats wild torrential river
(wonderful image of delicate and fierce beautifully illustrated.)
As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. LateBloomer
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you Latebloomer :)
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A good nature haiku with lines one and two interconnecting perfectly. Line three is a good satori using good simile. There is no artwork but your words paint a picture. Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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A good nature haiku with lines one and two interconnecting perfectly. Line three is a good satori using good simile. There is no artwork but your words paint a picture. Good Luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you Dorothy :)
Comment from ellie6
An expressive haiku. The delicateness of the leaf opposed to the fury of the river provides a contrast. The last line is evocative, one can smell the earth after rain, well written.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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An expressive haiku. The delicateness of the leaf opposed to the fury of the river provides a contrast. The last line is evocative, one can smell the earth after rain, well written.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you ellie :)
Comment from Taffspride
An interesting entry for the contest mystery poet.
I like your satori which sums it up. however I do think the 2nd line is too wordy and busy.
floats wild torrential river
wild and torrential mean basically the same thing. Perhaps a better use of words would have been
floats on turbulant river,
I am sure you can find better words than the ones I have suggested.
good luck in the contest
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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An interesting entry for the contest mystery poet.
I like your satori which sums it up. however I do think the 2nd line is too wordy and busy.
floats wild torrential river
wild and torrential mean basically the same thing. Perhaps a better use of words would have been
floats on turbulant river,
I am sure you can find better words than the ones I have suggested.
good luck in the contest
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you Ann :)
Comment from Pantygynt
The instructions here, definition of haiku are probably the clearest and best I have seen on this site. They leave little if any wriggle room, which is how it should be. This ticks every box without any argument save one and maybe it ticks that one too. The question here is whether the satori line provides a moment of of insight. These instructions, unlike many do not state that the satori line should link the two thoughts expressed earlier. When I read that final line do I go ah hah, that's a good way of looking at the pink leaf on the torrent?
Despite the excellent imagery created here, I am not blown away by this satori line and I would need to be to give it a six or to vote for it in the booth.
These short poems are frighteningly difficult to get 100% right and when one does you sense it immediately. This is a very good attempt.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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The instructions here, definition of haiku are probably the clearest and best I have seen on this site. They leave little if any wriggle room, which is how it should be. This ticks every box without any argument save one and maybe it ticks that one too. The question here is whether the satori line provides a moment of of insight. These instructions, unlike many do not state that the satori line should link the two thoughts expressed earlier. When I read that final line do I go ah hah, that's a good way of looking at the pink leaf on the torrent?
Despite the excellent imagery created here, I am not blown away by this satori line and I would need to be to give it a six or to vote for it in the booth.
These short poems are frighteningly difficult to get 100% right and when one does you sense it immediately. This is a very good attempt.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hmm. I appreciate the originality of the pink leaf and good use of an expressive word as 'torrential' I simply didn't understand the connection between the leaf and rain vis a vis, the earth. Good luck and cheers.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Hmm. I appreciate the originality of the pink leaf and good use of an expressive word as 'torrential' I simply didn't understand the connection between the leaf and rain vis a vis, the earth. Good luck and cheers.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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thanks
Comment from Domino 2
I really like the first two lines. The words subtly contradict each other between 'delicate' and 'wild torrential'.
However, I've tried my best after only being awake for half hour, but I don't 'get' the satori. Maybe that's just me being dim.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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I really like the first two lines. The words subtly contradict each other between 'delicate' and 'wild torrential'.
However, I've tried my best after only being awake for half hour, but I don't 'get' the satori. Maybe that's just me being dim.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you Ray :) Smells like rain is part of the experience
Comment from LeslieP5
This nature haiku paints a picture of the pink leaf floating down the river during a torrential rain. The background color enhances the effect. Good luck on the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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This nature haiku paints a picture of the pink leaf floating down the river during a torrential rain. The background color enhances the effect. Good luck on the contest.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you Leslie :)