The Revitalization of the Aging Man
Personal Essay36 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
I got a real kick out of this story and it reminded me of the time my old buddy Ray who was 84 brought me this stuff called MUSE. He hadn't had an erection in 20 years, but still had desires. And since he was hanging out at a Big Boy restaurant where most of the waitress were trying to up a little something to steal his money, he went to see if his doctor could help him with anything. Well, another miracle! Muse would get him up and keep it there for about forty minutes. He ran those girls in and out like a revolving door. I kept trying to make him understand they were only after his money, but he would just laugh and say that he had plenty of money and the girls had all the booty, and that he liked the trade. Then, he brought me one of those Muse syringes and left it in my refrigerator. It stayed their for months. I mean, having never had any problems, why would I need it? Well, there was this young, sweet thing that kept calling me, practically begging me to have sex with her. I finally agreed, and just as I was about to head over to her place, I remembered the Muse and thought what the hell can it hurt? Within minutes my privates resembled nothing I had ever seen, bulging at the seams and throbbing. I had to walk to her door holding a jacket in front of me to shield it from her neighbors. When she saw what I was hiding, the action began, and no matter how bad I wanted to stop, it wouldn't go down. Finally, her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out. I thought I had killed her. Cold, wet, wash clothes finally brought her around. It started about 10:30 in the morning and I left a little after 5:00, trying to beat the wife home. I ran inside, got in bed and covered up just minutes before the wife came home. She came up stairs and I kept pretending to be sick. She crawled in beside me wanting to cuddle, with me afraid I was going to poke her in the leg. Luckily, I convinced her I was sick and she didn't want to catch whatever I had. About 8:30 the pressure started to subside, black and blue busted blood vessels and all the hide rubbed off and bleeding. Maybe that Muse for an 84 year old man was too much for me? You think? The girl kept calling for about three years wanting an encore. Me knowing damn well I could never give a repeat performance, I just avoided embarrassing myself and stayed away. Sorry for the rambling. I just got a kick out of your story and thought you might appreciate mine. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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I got a real kick out of this story and it reminded me of the time my old buddy Ray who was 84 brought me this stuff called MUSE. He hadn't had an erection in 20 years, but still had desires. And since he was hanging out at a Big Boy restaurant where most of the waitress were trying to up a little something to steal his money, he went to see if his doctor could help him with anything. Well, another miracle! Muse would get him up and keep it there for about forty minutes. He ran those girls in and out like a revolving door. I kept trying to make him understand they were only after his money, but he would just laugh and say that he had plenty of money and the girls had all the booty, and that he liked the trade. Then, he brought me one of those Muse syringes and left it in my refrigerator. It stayed their for months. I mean, having never had any problems, why would I need it? Well, there was this young, sweet thing that kept calling me, practically begging me to have sex with her. I finally agreed, and just as I was about to head over to her place, I remembered the Muse and thought what the hell can it hurt? Within minutes my privates resembled nothing I had ever seen, bulging at the seams and throbbing. I had to walk to her door holding a jacket in front of me to shield it from her neighbors. When she saw what I was hiding, the action began, and no matter how bad I wanted to stop, it wouldn't go down. Finally, her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out. I thought I had killed her. Cold, wet, wash clothes finally brought her around. It started about 10:30 in the morning and I left a little after 5:00, trying to beat the wife home. I ran inside, got in bed and covered up just minutes before the wife came home. She came up stairs and I kept pretending to be sick. She crawled in beside me wanting to cuddle, with me afraid I was going to poke her in the leg. Luckily, I convinced her I was sick and she didn't want to catch whatever I had. About 8:30 the pressure started to subside, black and blue busted blood vessels and all the hide rubbed off and bleeding. Maybe that Muse for an 84 year old man was too much for me? You think? The girl kept calling for about three years wanting an encore. Me knowing damn well I could never give a repeat performance, I just avoided embarrassing myself and stayed away. Sorry for the rambling. I just got a kick out of your story and thought you might appreciate mine. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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HAHAHA! This is tooooo funny. Yep, that's about the same thing that happened to me except no wife involved. The joke was on her though or IN her. LOL She was none the worse for wear though. I swear I never thought I would find it tedious, but by the second day I admit, a pizza would've looked good. Well, this was fun to write. I laugh at how many people think I actually talk to my schlong every morning. LOL Oh well, what can ya do. Thanks a million. Great story. mikey
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your well written contest entry. You summed up your attributes very nicely. At 62 I completely understand. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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I enjoyed reading your well written contest entry. You summed up your attributes very nicely. At 62 I completely understand. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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HA! Thanks so much. This was a total hoot to write. mikey
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Mr Cahill,
thank you so much for sharing your morning ritual with us all. Apart from the obvious it is definitely a mans thing. Most of you go to bed with sex on the mind and wake up with it in your mind. What better than a morning hand shake to start the day. I love his little insight into the life of and aging stud. Perhaps I should write the female version.
A great read.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
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Hi Mr Cahill,
thank you so much for sharing your morning ritual with us all. Apart from the obvious it is definitely a mans thing. Most of you go to bed with sex on the mind and wake up with it in your mind. What better than a morning hand shake to start the day. I love his little insight into the life of and aging stud. Perhaps I should write the female version.
A great read.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
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Top of the mornin' to ya, Fair Lady Brenda.
Most pleased you enjoyed my little treatise on what for most men might be a traumatic thing. I wouldn't call myself a stud, but I wouldn't argue with your wise assessment either. LOL
Indeed, a female version would be most instructive and greedily received and a knowledge hungry male populace. Of course and audio visual material you saw fit to add would be a great plus.
It's funny, I never thought about it before, but you show keen insight here, I do go to bed with sex on my mind and I'll be a monkey's tail if don't wake up in the same frame of mind. I might add that it occurs to me occasionally during the course of the day as well.
I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. It was great fun writing it. Thanks a bunch, Michael, xxoo
Comment from l.raven
HI Michael, ya nut...LOL...there was a time in my life I really didn't feel I was aging...but you better know I do now...I have been pretty lucky...and thank God...mostly my allergies bring me down...other than that it's things I do trying to get things done that I cause damage to myself...but I have never been afraid of hard work...I think it keeps you young...or busy one...LOL...nothing wrong with grey hair...or growing old...keep your heart young...and the rest will follow...that's a fact...you have been blessed with good health for a reason sweetie...and the love of friends and family is a great start...very funny and very well written...luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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HI Michael, ya nut...LOL...there was a time in my life I really didn't feel I was aging...but you better know I do now...I have been pretty lucky...and thank God...mostly my allergies bring me down...other than that it's things I do trying to get things done that I cause damage to myself...but I have never been afraid of hard work...I think it keeps you young...or busy one...LOL...nothing wrong with grey hair...or growing old...keep your heart young...and the rest will follow...that's a fact...you have been blessed with good health for a reason sweetie...and the love of friends and family is a great start...very funny and very well written...luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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So pleased you enjoyed it. Lots of fun to write. Yep, whatever keeps you young and mostly that's just believing you are young. mikey
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Michael, slow down...my goodness sweetie...we all get behind...me in my reviewing...not to worry...you are always so very welcome my friend...xxoo Luff Linda
Comment from Spiritual Echo
While memoirs, as books, don't sell that well--unless you're famous--human interest stories, on the other hand, do pretty good. I really like your recent foray into the world of commentaries and essays. One of the hardest things to do when writing in first person is to deliberately avoid beginning each sentence with the word 'I'. Trust me, it's a real challenge. The book I am currently writing is in first person, and on top of the 'I' problem, there's also the issue of POV. If the character doesn't hear, see or experience something--it never happened. As I recall it was a major issue for you in the Bard of Belair.
This is a very engaging diary/ true confession. What makes it really work is the self-deprecation. Readers love it when you exert both confidence in writing, then put yourself down. By the way, it really works well in the dating game as well. Tell someone you really like them, but have a lifetime of shyness to overcome, and they'll do all the work in 'breaking down' the barrier to PROVE you were right about liking them. Readers will argue with you about your own put-downs. 'Oh, you'll never get old with that attitude, Mikey.'
And, if it matters at all, I hate the name Mikey. My son's name is Michael, and it took me several decades to get over people calling him Mike--including the man himself. Had anyone dare to call him Mikey, I would have driven the 100 miles to your mighty border, bought myself a fancy pistol, come back and taught the heretic a lesson.
At any rate, the only flaw in this essay (congrats on conquering the comma issue) is the number of 'I' sentences. People will tell you they love the essay, and I venture to guess you'll get a few six star reviews, but they will be blinded by the actual content--very good-- and completely forget their responsibility to help improve your skill-set.
For your benefit, I re-wrote one of the paragraphs below. See if you can turn sentences around so that 'I' shows up in the middle, not the beginning of a sentence.
I might also suggest you ask Nor to review your work more often. She is one of the best technical advisors on the site and has worked as an editor. As you have a relationship with her, with your permission, I'm sure she'd give you the brutality you need to move up to the next level/
YOURS
I must admit I didn't get it when women in their fifties started buying me drinks. I wondered to myself, "Why are these old ladies buying me drinks?" Finally, I realized. OMG! They're hitting on me. Wow. Finally, I realized they think I'm fair game. Wow. I really am getting older.
SUGGESTION
When women in their fifties began buying me drinks, it took me a while to realize they were hitting on me. "Why are these old ladies buying me drinks?" The reality hit me like a sledgehammer. OMG! They think I'm fair game.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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While memoirs, as books, don't sell that well--unless you're famous--human interest stories, on the other hand, do pretty good. I really like your recent foray into the world of commentaries and essays. One of the hardest things to do when writing in first person is to deliberately avoid beginning each sentence with the word 'I'. Trust me, it's a real challenge. The book I am currently writing is in first person, and on top of the 'I' problem, there's also the issue of POV. If the character doesn't hear, see or experience something--it never happened. As I recall it was a major issue for you in the Bard of Belair.
This is a very engaging diary/ true confession. What makes it really work is the self-deprecation. Readers love it when you exert both confidence in writing, then put yourself down. By the way, it really works well in the dating game as well. Tell someone you really like them, but have a lifetime of shyness to overcome, and they'll do all the work in 'breaking down' the barrier to PROVE you were right about liking them. Readers will argue with you about your own put-downs. 'Oh, you'll never get old with that attitude, Mikey.'
And, if it matters at all, I hate the name Mikey. My son's name is Michael, and it took me several decades to get over people calling him Mike--including the man himself. Had anyone dare to call him Mikey, I would have driven the 100 miles to your mighty border, bought myself a fancy pistol, come back and taught the heretic a lesson.
At any rate, the only flaw in this essay (congrats on conquering the comma issue) is the number of 'I' sentences. People will tell you they love the essay, and I venture to guess you'll get a few six star reviews, but they will be blinded by the actual content--very good-- and completely forget their responsibility to help improve your skill-set.
For your benefit, I re-wrote one of the paragraphs below. See if you can turn sentences around so that 'I' shows up in the middle, not the beginning of a sentence.
I might also suggest you ask Nor to review your work more often. She is one of the best technical advisors on the site and has worked as an editor. As you have a relationship with her, with your permission, I'm sure she'd give you the brutality you need to move up to the next level/
YOURS
I must admit I didn't get it when women in their fifties started buying me drinks. I wondered to myself, "Why are these old ladies buying me drinks?" Finally, I realized. OMG! They're hitting on me. Wow. Finally, I realized they think I'm fair game. Wow. I really am getting older.
SUGGESTION
When women in their fifties began buying me drinks, it took me a while to realize they were hitting on me. "Why are these old ladies buying me drinks?" The reality hit me like a sledgehammer. OMG! They think I'm fair game.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Sorry to take soooo long to respond. I copied this to word right away. Great advice as always. I tried to get these folks to stop calling me "Mikey" as well as everyone else, but they just seem to be stuck on it. LOL. My girlfriends don't call me that, but most everyone else does for some reason. I guess it's my fault, a persona I encourage and then get stuck with. The "I" thing is one of my worst habits and one lapsed into if not watched closely. Even there the urge to use it twice was strong and once here too. It does look ridiculous and sometimes my work will have it a dozen times in one paragraph. So, certainly something to watch. That paragraph is just night and day. What a difference. Jeesh. Thanks a million, A great help as always. mikey
Comment from Dawn Munro
I KNEW it! Yo, dawg, does the girlfriend know how you view that field?
LOL - Mikey, (Teddy) I chuckled all through this irreverent bit of womanizing self-appraisal, but several places had me laughing aloud, especially these two: when you talk about having to develop a personality and your morning ritual.
But I knew it. (LOL)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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I KNEW it! Yo, dawg, does the girlfriend know how you view that field?
LOL - Mikey, (Teddy) I chuckled all through this irreverent bit of womanizing self-appraisal, but several places had me laughing aloud, especially these two: when you talk about having to develop a personality and your morning ritual.
But I knew it. (LOL)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Just to set the record straight, I DID find out that fifty year old women rock the Earth. I just didn't know it at the time. LOL I'm actually not a womanizer. That's just a wild rumour. I'm just a little teddy bear. mikey
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LOL. Um, sure, yeah, ok.
Comment from fionageorge
Well, Michael, what a great and interesting insight you have given us with this Non-Fiction story... I enjoyed your enjoyment of being lucky to still have all your faculties... and not to have suffered any nasties, even with the risks you took. I agree, laughter is a good ice-breaker and is very attractive (well, most of the time... depends on the subject matter, I guess). Loved this story, good luck in the contest and warmest regards, Marijke :o)
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Well, Michael, what a great and interesting insight you have given us with this Non-Fiction story... I enjoyed your enjoyment of being lucky to still have all your faculties... and not to have suffered any nasties, even with the risks you took. I agree, laughter is a good ice-breaker and is very attractive (well, most of the time... depends on the subject matter, I guess). Loved this story, good luck in the contest and warmest regards, Marijke :o)
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much, Marijke, this was the most fun to write. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it, mikey
Comment from Taffspride
Oh Mr. Mikey, or should I call you Mick? or would you prefer Michael? I absolutely howled when I read this. All the things that happenas we get older, or perhaps I should say mature.
I guess I lucked out in the gene pool. but admit Ihave excercised all my life, but that did not stop my hair going grey. I had a friend tell me I should stop coloriing it, so I did. Boy has she been madder than hell since, I found that the men found me more attractive with silver hair. Ha!!! but at my age, who the hell cares anyway.
A well written piece and a good entry for the contest. I guess it sums up Mikey, Mike, Michael, or Mick. and no I do not want to know what your morning ritual is.
anyway, good luck in the contest, thanks for sharig.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Oh Mr. Mikey, or should I call you Mick? or would you prefer Michael? I absolutely howled when I read this. All the things that happenas we get older, or perhaps I should say mature.
I guess I lucked out in the gene pool. but admit Ihave excercised all my life, but that did not stop my hair going grey. I had a friend tell me I should stop coloriing it, so I did. Boy has she been madder than hell since, I found that the men found me more attractive with silver hair. Ha!!! but at my age, who the hell cares anyway.
A well written piece and a good entry for the contest. I guess it sums up Mikey, Mike, Michael, or Mick. and no I do not want to know what your morning ritual is.
anyway, good luck in the contest, thanks for sharig.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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I don't really have one other than a cup of coffee. I just thought that would be amusing. LOL I dyed my hair one time, or I should say I let some girls dye it. Everyone was mad at me, so never again. Yep, they like it grey or whatever color it is, greyish, blondish silver something. HA! Lots of fun to write. Glad you enjoyed, mikey
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A well-written personal essay. I believe age is just a number, it is how you feel and how you react that determines your real age. I don't care how old I am or who knows it. I am stuck in the age between 35 and 49, most of my real friends are in that age group. Lol.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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A well-written personal essay. I believe age is just a number, it is how you feel and how you react that determines your real age. I don't care how old I am or who knows it. I am stuck in the age between 35 and 49, most of my real friends are in that age group. Lol.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Almost all my friends are way younger than me, with a couple exceptions. Yes, it is just a number. Glad you liked this. Thanks so much. mikey
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
mikey, this is a very entertaining and funny writing you have shared. A great entry into the Non-Fiction Writing Contest. I think your morning ritual of conversing with your penis is endearing. lol At sixty years old, I can relate to your dilemma of aging. God forbid, something should unexpectedly happen to my husband or my marriage! I would hate going back into the dating pool. I don't feel sixty years old, don't look it and don't act like it. So it would be hard for me to start dating someone my own age! I think he'd have to be about forty with a distinguished look and charm about him. lol I have always preferred younger men...my husband is 47 days younger than I am and he always rubs my nose in it around our birthdays! If your penis can stand at attention on its own, stay away from Viagra! There are so many side effects from it...the worst being a four-hour hard on lol. I really enjoyed this writing very much, beginning to end. Had me chuckling out loud as I read it. This should fare very well in the contest! Wish you best of luck. God bless and hugs, Susanne
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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mikey, this is a very entertaining and funny writing you have shared. A great entry into the Non-Fiction Writing Contest. I think your morning ritual of conversing with your penis is endearing. lol At sixty years old, I can relate to your dilemma of aging. God forbid, something should unexpectedly happen to my husband or my marriage! I would hate going back into the dating pool. I don't feel sixty years old, don't look it and don't act like it. So it would be hard for me to start dating someone my own age! I think he'd have to be about forty with a distinguished look and charm about him. lol I have always preferred younger men...my husband is 47 days younger than I am and he always rubs my nose in it around our birthdays! If your penis can stand at attention on its own, stay away from Viagra! There are so many side effects from it...the worst being a four-hour hard on lol. I really enjoyed this writing very much, beginning to end. Had me chuckling out loud as I read it. This should fare very well in the contest! Wish you best of luck. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
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Hi, Susanne So sorry to be terribly far behind. I'm delighted you enjoyed this. It was the best fun to write. I've always had younger women, but I must say having discovered fifty year olds, the do rock the Earth something fierce. So, I'm not so sure I'd want a thirty year old anymore. LOL No, no Viagra for me, at least for now. HA! Thanks a million. This actually got an honorable mention. Unusual for something risque in a site contest. A big surprise. mikey
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Glad you received Honorable mention on this great piece. Should have won, I think! Enjoy your day! God bless and hugs, Susanne