RESIDUE OF WAR
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "You Never Made It Home"And the futility of it all...
45 total reviews
Comment from penelope
added comment: Sorry, I meant AlpacaLady. I don't know why I mentioned JShep here, although she's another very good poet.
What a touching and extremely well-written poem, JShep. You're such a versatile poet. I still remember your bra poem and now this - what a contrast. So sad. The analogy of fulsome Spring ready to burst forth in bloom and the mother with rounded belly, ready to give birth worked well, I think. And then, that final line 'For you never made it home' says it all. The expectation, the sadness and tragedy of reality. Penelope
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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added comment: Sorry, I meant AlpacaLady. I don't know why I mentioned JShep here, although she's another very good poet.
What a touching and extremely well-written poem, JShep. You're such a versatile poet. I still remember your bra poem and now this - what a contrast. So sad. The analogy of fulsome Spring ready to burst forth in bloom and the mother with rounded belly, ready to give birth worked well, I think. And then, that final line 'For you never made it home' says it all. The expectation, the sadness and tragedy of reality. Penelope
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Hey no worries! To be equated with Joyce is a fine compliment; besides she's one of my best friends on here!
Thank you very, very much indeed for your wonderful comments Penelope; I'm glad you enjoyed this poem by jshep ... er ... me ... !!?? xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo
Comment from jshep
This is so beautifully described, Chris, and so very sad in its reality. Wonderfully expressed in free verse. the emotions wrap around the reader with your fantastic descriptions in this piece. It is a stirring and awesome poem. One suggestion. You use the word fulsome in the first stanza and then again soon after. Might change the second 'fulsome' to another word. This is superior in sentiment and presentation. Joycexx
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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This is so beautifully described, Chris, and so very sad in its reality. Wonderfully expressed in free verse. the emotions wrap around the reader with your fantastic descriptions in this piece. It is a stirring and awesome poem. One suggestion. You use the word fulsome in the first stanza and then again soon after. Might change the second 'fulsome' to another word. This is superior in sentiment and presentation. Joycexx
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thanks so very much Joyce as always! As usual, I am looking over this picking out things needing change, and your comment is on the list (still haven't made changes to Titanic story yet, but getting there!).
As said, thanks so much my friend xoxoxoxoxoxxo
Comment from rmdelta
Chris, what a powerful and heartbreaking story you have in this beautiful writing, my friend. This, by far, is one of your stronger writings, Chris. I loved how you worded this one so wondorously. Beautiful
Reggie
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Chris, what a powerful and heartbreaking story you have in this beautiful writing, my friend. This, by far, is one of your stronger writings, Chris. I loved how you worded this one so wondorously. Beautiful
Reggie
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you very much indeed Reggie; I'm so glad you enjoyed this and appreciate your fine comments xoxoxoxoxoxxoxo
Comment from Amicus
This is an extremely well written poignant free form poem that tells a story, celebrates a birth and laments a loss. You use rhythm, some rhyme, and a consistent meter effectively to move your reader smoothly through changing seasons and changing moods in imagery evocative of the cycles of nature and of human life. You weave your themes together skillfully and in well chosen beautiful words.
Nothing needs revision here. I'm not sure about the use of "chariot" in the second stanza however and I would omit the "For" in the last line. In the first instance, I think the word and its, I assume intended ancient warrior connotation, is more than necessary and in the second, I think "For" is unnecessary and lessens the impact of the stark reality you are presenting.
Terrific poem.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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This is an extremely well written poignant free form poem that tells a story, celebrates a birth and laments a loss. You use rhythm, some rhyme, and a consistent meter effectively to move your reader smoothly through changing seasons and changing moods in imagery evocative of the cycles of nature and of human life. You weave your themes together skillfully and in well chosen beautiful words.
Nothing needs revision here. I'm not sure about the use of "chariot" in the second stanza however and I would omit the "For" in the last line. In the first instance, I think the word and its, I assume intended ancient warrior connotation, is more than necessary and in the second, I think "For" is unnecessary and lessens the impact of the stark reality you are presenting.
Terrific poem.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much Amicus for this exceptional review and six stars! I appreciate veyr much your suggestions, but couldn't think of another 'general' word which was poetic enough to describe a ship, plane or other conveyance!! As always though, will be picking this to pieces and tweaking it, so will see what I come up with.
As said, I very much aprpeciate this awesome review adn the time you took in making your helpful suggestions xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo
Comment from SunlitWhisper
Wow I was depressed before I read this. . . or at least I thought I was . . . what an excellent display of poetry that shows an array of love and devotion. Not to mention how sad its ending is.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Wow I was depressed before I read this. . . or at least I thought I was . . . what an excellent display of poetry that shows an array of love and devotion. Not to mention how sad its ending is.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you very much indeed SunlitWhisper. (I am sorry this may have made you more depressed)!! xoxoxoxoxxo
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Good morning poet friend
This is an awesome love poem, one of sadness and anticipation, hope yet disappointment. I enjoyed it! Loyd
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Good morning poet friend
This is an awesome love poem, one of sadness and anticipation, hope yet disappointment. I enjoyed it! Loyd
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you very much indeed LoydTaylor for your wonderful comments and the six stars; you've made my day! You have a fine day yhourself now, y'hear? xoxoxoxoxoxxo
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Sure thing friend, Loyd
Comment from Diane Marie
This is such a wonderful poem ... I have given you the six stars because it is simply lovely! It made me feel sad but it made me feel wow that was so good, so well written!!
Well done..you deserve those six stars!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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This is such a wonderful poem ... I have given you the six stars because it is simply lovely! It made me feel sad but it made me feel wow that was so good, so well written!!
Well done..you deserve those six stars!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you very much indeed Diane for this wonderful review and those shining six stars; they do me proud as do your comments! xoxoxoxoxxoxo
Comment from RapturedHeart
I am soooooooooooooo glad I've been holding on to my sixes! Chris, this was just so very good. You made me cry this morning. LOVE how you started off with 'the belly of spring' and then on to her own belly. Just an exceptional free verse, extremely well done and deeply moving.
I only wondered at your use of 'burst' twice, so closely together; but could never take away an exceptional rating from this. Way to go, just superb. Take care,
Heather
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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I am soooooooooooooo glad I've been holding on to my sixes! Chris, this was just so very good. You made me cry this morning. LOVE how you started off with 'the belly of spring' and then on to her own belly. Just an exceptional free verse, extremely well done and deeply moving.
I only wondered at your use of 'burst' twice, so closely together; but could never take away an exceptional rating from this. Way to go, just superb. Take care,
Heather
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you very much indeed Heather. Those six stars make it entirley worth it as well as your excellent comments! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxo
Comment from Alexander E Poet
Sorry, This was a good poem with a good message. with passion about life I like the imagery and the thoughts behind it. There were no errors. No typo's and nothing to change as far as i can see. I look forward to your next one
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Sorry, This was a good poem with a good message. with passion about life I like the imagery and the thoughts behind it. There were no errors. No typo's and nothing to change as far as i can see. I look forward to your next one
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you very much indeed BRQQKLYN (q's don't come out the same in this print ...) I appreciate your comments and those six stars look very nice on my review page! Have a great day xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo
Comment from joan marie
This is so sad. It is so well written. I felt like I was the mother writing these words in a diary or letter to the one not coming, joan marie
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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This is so sad. It is so well written. I felt like I was the mother writing these words in a diary or letter to the one not coming, joan marie
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you very much indeed my friend. I was almost going to put it in letter and diary, but decided to keep it as a straight poem! xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoo