Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Part One of Chapter Two"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
93 total reviews
Comment from nora arjuna
hi barb. looks like the relationship is growing deeper. she's lucky to have met troy. check this:
"No." He turned and faced her as the tips of his ears turned pink.
i understand we're in troy's POV for this part, so how could he see his ears turning pink? maybe state how he felt - the tip of his ears burned?
hope nothing's bad going to happen to anna, and do take care with your health.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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hi barb. looks like the relationship is growing deeper. she's lucky to have met troy. check this:
"No." He turned and faced her as the tips of his ears turned pink.
i understand we're in troy's POV for this part, so how could he see his ears turning pink? maybe state how he felt - the tip of his ears burned?
hope nothing's bad going to happen to anna, and do take care with your health.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Good point, I will work on that area. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from charolette.garrett
I like this chapter but I feel that you need more details to the characters body language. For example: when he grabbed her arm she could have felt the hot breath on her neck or the presence of his tall statue standing over her as he grabbed her arm. Keep up the good work. Waiting for Chapter five. I like the way you end each chapter with a cliff hanger so the reader will want to read the next one up.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2011
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I like this chapter but I feel that you need more details to the characters body language. For example: when he grabbed her arm she could have felt the hot breath on her neck or the presence of his tall statue standing over her as he grabbed her arm. Keep up the good work. Waiting for Chapter five. I like the way you end each chapter with a cliff hanger so the reader will want to read the next one up.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2011
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I am not a writer who choses to go into great detail in my novels. I don't like reading it. I would rather use my own imagination. Many of my fans agree with me. I have been praised many times for not going into a lot of decriptions. It's a personal choice. If you prefer authors who write a lot of description, there are plenty on this sight. I am not one of them. Thank you for your review.
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Barbara i did not mean to offend you. if i did i am sorry. they say give suggestions so i gave one. i really enjoy reading your work but in order for me to get these cents you have to say something. do you have any sugesstions of how to accumlate dollars on the cite besides doing reviews.
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Basically there is no way to earn the money other than reviews. You can try the contests, but I personally don't feel they pay off enough for the work you put in, plus many of them you have to pay to enter. To help you learn how to review you may want to take a look at the forums or c_lucas did some posts on reviewing.
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thanks a bunch
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Very well written chapter and I am so glad you are writing about domestic abuse. It is far more common than most people realize. Take care! Debbie
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Very well written chapter and I am so glad you are writing about domestic abuse. It is far more common than most people realize. Take care! Debbie
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Signaler
Hello Barbara, this story really touched me. Abuse of any kind is horrible. We tend to make excuses for the drunk for so many years. There is no excuse. Very good writing. I"m sorry for your illness.
Keep Your Angel On Your Shoulder,
As Always, Signaler
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Hello Barbara, this story really touched me. Abuse of any kind is horrible. We tend to make excuses for the drunk for so many years. There is no excuse. Very good writing. I"m sorry for your illness.
Keep Your Angel On Your Shoulder,
As Always, Signaler
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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I agree there is not excuse and an abuser doesn't have to be drunk or high to abuse. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Linda England Bonam
I really liked your well written story. I am anxious to read more. I will have to check your portfolio and see what else you have that I'd like to read. Good job on this!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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I really liked your well written story. I am anxious to read more. I will have to check your portfolio and see what else you have that I'd like to read. Good job on this!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. The other novels I have posted are more traditional romance.
Comment from Dom G Robles
This is a nice story. A lady asking the help of a friend in her predicament. To pay some bills for her son Michael who is afflicted with an ear infection. And the man, Troy was very kind to live her the help. Yet, there seemed to have been nothing attached to the action except that Troy,the friend was drawn into something he wasn't considering before. He said to the lady, Anna, just give me a call when you need me... And when Anna CAME HOME, SHE COULD NOT FIND HER HUSBAND--ONLY SOME BEER CANS SCATTERED SOMEWHERE IN THE HOUSE WHICH LEADS HER TO SUSPECT THAT THE HUSBAND, BOBBY, HAD BEEN DRINKING AGAIN. I like the story from beginning to end. Congratulations. Dom
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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This is a nice story. A lady asking the help of a friend in her predicament. To pay some bills for her son Michael who is afflicted with an ear infection. And the man, Troy was very kind to live her the help. Yet, there seemed to have been nothing attached to the action except that Troy,the friend was drawn into something he wasn't considering before. He said to the lady, Anna, just give me a call when you need me... And when Anna CAME HOME, SHE COULD NOT FIND HER HUSBAND--ONLY SOME BEER CANS SCATTERED SOMEWHERE IN THE HOUSE WHICH LEADS HER TO SUSPECT THAT THE HUSBAND, BOBBY, HAD BEEN DRINKING AGAIN. I like the story from beginning to end. Congratulations. Dom
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You are very welcome.Dom
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Welcome. Dom
Comment from fictionwriter
Interesting chapter. I've been gone for awhile so I'm just coming in here. Seems like this Troy is a nice guy, and I feel for the mother of a young child living with an abusive husband. Great job.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Interesting chapter. I've been gone for awhile so I'm just coming in here. Seems like this Troy is a nice guy, and I feel for the mother of a young child living with an abusive husband. Great job.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Welocme back!!!! Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
What a terrible situation this young woman is in, being, at the same time, a victim of a brutal and drunken husband and the loving and concerned Mother of such a young little son. I have given you 5 stars, knowing that you will consider the few changes suggested ...
* You have - I better do it. To be grammatically correct, this should be - I had better do it.
* You have - She waited until Troy to move before she leaned .... this should ber - She waited for Troy to move before she leaned ...
* You have - I'll watch the little one, leave him where he's at. I suggest - I'll watch the little one. Just leave him where he is.
* You have - You better get home. I suggest - You had better get home ...
Now, I look forward to the next chapter. My thoughts and prayers are with you with your health problems.
Love from .. Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2011
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Hullo Barbara ....
What a terrible situation this young woman is in, being, at the same time, a victim of a brutal and drunken husband and the loving and concerned Mother of such a young little son. I have given you 5 stars, knowing that you will consider the few changes suggested ...
* You have - I better do it. To be grammatically correct, this should be - I had better do it.
* You have - She waited until Troy to move before she leaned .... this should ber - She waited for Troy to move before she leaned ...
* You have - I'll watch the little one, leave him where he's at. I suggest - I'll watch the little one. Just leave him where he is.
* You have - You better get home. I suggest - You had better get home ...
Now, I look forward to the next chapter. My thoughts and prayers are with you with your health problems.
Love from .. Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your suggestions. I appreciate your review.
Comment from me_tudor
This is really good. I've made a few suggestions about some changes but I've really enjoyed reading it. I'm sorry to hear about your health problems. Hopefully things will get better for you soon. M.E.
"I shouldn't bother you." Leave off the good bye.
I'll repay you."
I don't think I would have her leave Michael alone with Troy just yet. He is a stranger still. I would have him come into the pharmacy with her and hold the baby while she pays.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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This is really good. I've made a few suggestions about some changes but I've really enjoyed reading it. I'm sorry to hear about your health problems. Hopefully things will get better for you soon. M.E.
"I shouldn't bother you." Leave off the good bye.
I'll repay you."
I don't think I would have her leave Michael alone with Troy just yet. He is a stranger still. I would have him come into the pharmacy with her and hold the baby while she pays.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I will consider your suggestions.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Excellent story, and it is filled with anticiaption of a possible change from her abusive husband. You do such a good job. When I read this I want to scream at her to run and hide, get help. Your writing provokes the appropriate emotions.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Excellent story, and it is filled with anticiaption of a possible change from her abusive husband. You do such a good job. When I read this I want to scream at her to run and hide, get help. Your writing provokes the appropriate emotions.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and continued suppport.