Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Part 4, Chapter 13"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
77 total reviews
Comment from tango494
As I have picked your story back up I am amazed at how well you have developed your characters. Your dialogues are so real and I can feel the emotion and passion that your work captures. Keep up the awesome job.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
  |
As I have picked your story back up I am amazed at how well you have developed your characters. Your dialogues are so real and I can feel the emotion and passion that your work captures. Keep up the awesome job.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.
Comment from CJ Lloyd
Wow I enjoyed reading this piece. Usually it's hard to read the chapter of a book which is right in the middle, but you informed us as the readers of her troubled past right from the get go. There's so much emotion and energy here that just by reading I felt her struggle!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
|
Wow I enjoyed reading this piece. Usually it's hard to read the chapter of a book which is right in the middle, but you informed us as the readers of her troubled past right from the get go. There's so much emotion and energy here that just by reading I felt her struggle!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.
Comment from Beeves77
I find your writing clear, consise and easy to read. Nothing was left out, there is good attention to detail.
I did not find this a bad thing, it is just me, I wonder about 'falling asleep' on the floor'. I think the note of desperation and anxiety could be included perhaps by stating 'she returned to bed knowing she would have another sleepless night, a night fraught with anxiety or whatever' obviously wih your own choice of words. Just an idea.
But I certainly think it is well written. Congratulations!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
|
I find your writing clear, consise and easy to read. Nothing was left out, there is good attention to detail.
I did not find this a bad thing, it is just me, I wonder about 'falling asleep' on the floor'. I think the note of desperation and anxiety could be included perhaps by stating 'she returned to bed knowing she would have another sleepless night, a night fraught with anxiety or whatever' obviously wih your own choice of words. Just an idea.
But I certainly think it is well written. Congratulations!
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.
Comment from alexisleech
Another excellent part chapter. You have managed to build up the tension that anyone must feel when they have an invisible enemy very well here. You also convey the paranoia that must be felt by the victim and anyone close to them. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
|
Another excellent part chapter. You have managed to build up the tension that anyone must feel when they have an invisible enemy very well here. You also convey the paranoia that must be felt by the victim and anyone close to them. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.
Comment from Helen Tan
So Bobby is still in prison but I can imagine he still poses a threat. Though I've not followed this for a while, this chapter was clear and easy to understand.
As the eastern sky lightened, the sound of Michael crying woke Anna.
A tightening for you to consider, delete "the sound of" and go straight for -
As the eastern sky lightened, Michael's crying woke Anna.
"I wouldn't put anything past this family."
This is what I think too. That mum of his is a regular thug!
The sound of a loud muffler caused Anna's head to jerk toward the window.
Troy rushed from the restaurant.
Good hook at the end. Now it's confirmed, Anna is not imagining her situation. Will Troy catch a glimpse?
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2011
|
So Bobby is still in prison but I can imagine he still poses a threat. Though I've not followed this for a while, this chapter was clear and easy to understand.
As the eastern sky lightened, the sound of Michael crying woke Anna.
A tightening for you to consider, delete "the sound of" and go straight for -
As the eastern sky lightened, Michael's crying woke Anna.
"I wouldn't put anything past this family."
This is what I think too. That mum of his is a regular thug!
The sound of a loud muffler caused Anna's head to jerk toward the window.
Troy rushed from the restaurant.
Good hook at the end. Now it's confirmed, Anna is not imagining her situation. Will Troy catch a glimpse?
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2011
-
I am sorry it's taken so long to answer the review. I needed to wait until I had time to make the correction. Thank you for your eagle eye.
Comment from ScarletClearwater
I really liked the chapter, partially because of the thoughts Anna has. It keeps the reading moving along great. It's like dialogue, so it's very important. Seems she has a lot on her plate. I hope things get better for her.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
|
I really liked the chapter, partially because of the thoughts Anna has. It keeps the reading moving along great. It's like dialogue, so it's very important. Seems she has a lot on her plate. I hope things get better for her.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.
Comment from oNray
I have enjoyed your writing and also have enjoyed this story. Shame on you shut it off at the restaurant that way LOL- you are doing very well here
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
|
I have enjoyed your writing and also have enjoyed this story. Shame on you shut it off at the restaurant that way LOL- you are doing very well here
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.
Comment from fauntee
I love how this piece continued to evolve. The descriptions and narratives are well presented and understandable.
the only thing i would flaw is at line 5 of paragraph 1 , "will've hung up".., i had love to see would've . just my opinion.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
|
I love how this piece continued to evolve. The descriptions and narratives are well presented and understandable.
the only thing i would flaw is at line 5 of paragraph 1 , "will've hung up".., i had love to see would've . just my opinion.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.
Comment from KinaSalad
Hi there Barbara, Interesting little piece here, Anna getting phone calls. Bobby could have set someone up to do the job, which is most likely. Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
|
Hi there Barbara, Interesting little piece here, Anna getting phone calls. Bobby could have set someone up to do the job, which is most likely. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
I hope he gets a license number. Probably some of the crazy family. Or just a sicko attracted to victims. I have seen that kind of character in real life. Like they have a sonar or something. Very good one Barbara.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
|
I hope he gets a license number. Probably some of the crazy family. Or just a sicko attracted to victims. I have seen that kind of character in real life. Like they have a sonar or something. Very good one Barbara.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2011
-
Thank yu for yoru kind review.