Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Aze Moon"Murder Mystery
39 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, Bev, this is great! First things first - I've three very minor suggestions - 1) "for reasons I'm not at liberty to reveal..." You use 'reveal' in the very next sentence as well - may I suggest an alternative? - "she's ready to (offer)..." 2) the question mark at the end of the speech to the bluejay - it isn't a question - if you want it to sound like one, using punctuation to do it would be considered incorrect by an editor - you would need to say something like 'he asked, making the statement into a question'. 3) the apostrophe is misplaced -"I ain't got nothing(') for ya". If you want to use the apostrophe to indicate his dialect, you simply remove the 'g'.
Now these are very, very trivial, but sheesh, I have to earn that member money somehow, okay? LOL. Seriously, if I had a six, this chapter is worthy of it and I'd award it gladly. I love your cliffhanger ending, too! Outstanding, my friend. No guff! (I'm not just 'being nice', as somebody told me about one of my reviews.)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
  |
Wow, Bev, this is great! First things first - I've three very minor suggestions - 1) "for reasons I'm not at liberty to reveal..." You use 'reveal' in the very next sentence as well - may I suggest an alternative? - "she's ready to (offer)..." 2) the question mark at the end of the speech to the bluejay - it isn't a question - if you want it to sound like one, using punctuation to do it would be considered incorrect by an editor - you would need to say something like 'he asked, making the statement into a question'. 3) the apostrophe is misplaced -"I ain't got nothing(') for ya". If you want to use the apostrophe to indicate his dialect, you simply remove the 'g'.
Now these are very, very trivial, but sheesh, I have to earn that member money somehow, okay? LOL. Seriously, if I had a six, this chapter is worthy of it and I'd award it gladly. I love your cliffhanger ending, too! Outstanding, my friend. No guff! (I'm not just 'being nice', as somebody told me about one of my reviews.)
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
Hi, buddy. Thanks for the in-depth review and excellent suggestions. I shall go in and tweak LOL.
I so appreciate your loyalty and generous support, my friend. And I'm blushing at your praise. Picture me pink, hehehe.
You're the best!
Hugs, Bev
-
You are so very welcome - and you took the words right outta my mouth, girlfriend - you have been loyal and generously supported me since the day I started here. :)
-
And have enjoyed every minute! Xxx Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where they reopened the case and jana is overwhelmed with hatred toward the man, the housekeeper is going to talk and the janitor might be meeting his wife soon
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
|
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where they reopened the case and jana is overwhelmed with hatred toward the man, the housekeeper is going to talk and the janitor might be meeting his wife soon
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
Thanks for the great review, sweet. I sure appreciate you taking time to read! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
Another great addition to the story. I especially loved the descriptions of the old man in the cemetary, not unlike some I've seen before. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
|
Another great addition to the story. I especially loved the descriptions of the old man in the cemetary, not unlike some I've seen before. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
Thanks for the generous and supportive review, Joy. I really appreciate the support! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You left a fantastic hook. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for your next post.
"Lasted one year in prison," she thought (though should be in italics0
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
|
You left a fantastic hook. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for your next post.
"Lasted one year in prison," she thought (though should be in italics0
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
Thanks, barbara. I appreciate the suggestion and great review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from EMB
Well, this was certainly a gripping chapter, even though I'm coming in very late. Detective Burke is definitely a cop that has problems keeping her emotions at bay during a case. I've read my share of detective novels (Patterson fan, big time), and she is really emotional. Oddly, I'm liking this really human quality. A pedophile working in the Catholic church? Sounds like a cliche, but it's very realistic, right?
The scene with Fritz was intense, but I question the boldness/bravery of the blue jay coming closer when a human has it in its sights. Loved the ending, my friend. :)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
|
Well, this was certainly a gripping chapter, even though I'm coming in very late. Detective Burke is definitely a cop that has problems keeping her emotions at bay during a case. I've read my share of detective novels (Patterson fan, big time), and she is really emotional. Oddly, I'm liking this really human quality. A pedophile working in the Catholic church? Sounds like a cliche, but it's very realistic, right?
The scene with Fritz was intense, but I question the boldness/bravery of the blue jay coming closer when a human has it in its sights. Loved the ending, my friend. :)
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
Hi, Edward. Thanks for your great review. You are the second reviewer to note the blue jay's 'odd' reaction. Looks like I need to tweak.
You make a good point about Jana's emotional qualities. This was not how I originally intended for her to be. But, she's grown on me, and I want her character to be a little more memorable. Seems like I may be getting my wish.
The premise for the story, is sadly, based on a real event that took place in Minnesota. A priest was placed in a parish there despite having been discovered to be a pedophile. Needless to say, he continued his crimes and did end up in prison.
Much appreciated, Edward.
Regards, Bev
Comment from AprilShower
That Blue Jay is a brave bird. Seeing that other person approaching Fritz Buell should have been enough to scare it away. Fritz might be joining his wife soon unless someone saves him. I am wondering if the killer is one of the victims of sexual abuse. I am enjoying the mystery, Bev. :o)
Hugs,
April
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
|
That Blue Jay is a brave bird. Seeing that other person approaching Fritz Buell should have been enough to scare it away. Fritz might be joining his wife soon unless someone saves him. I am wondering if the killer is one of the victims of sexual abuse. I am enjoying the mystery, Bev. :o)
Hugs,
April
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, April. Thanks for stopping by to read and review. Your support is very much appreciated, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from judiverse
Very interesting! You do a great job of showing the extent of police work here. Combing through old case records is surely an important part of the job. Jana is always an interesting character. Jana really gets excited when Father Brian says that Mrs. Findley has an important clue regarding Father Flaherty, and Jana says to keep watch over until he can bring her to the station. Jana shows her scorn for the child molester. The last scene of this, with Fritz in the cemetery at his dead wife's grave is really spooky. That spooky guy is there, saying he's going to make Fritz famous. Oh, oh. Excellent chapter. judi
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
|
Very interesting! You do a great job of showing the extent of police work here. Combing through old case records is surely an important part of the job. Jana is always an interesting character. Jana really gets excited when Father Brian says that Mrs. Findley has an important clue regarding Father Flaherty, and Jana says to keep watch over until he can bring her to the station. Jana shows her scorn for the child molester. The last scene of this, with Fritz in the cemetery at his dead wife's grave is really spooky. That spooky guy is there, saying he's going to make Fritz famous. Oh, oh. Excellent chapter. judi
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
Thank you so much, judi. I always look forward to your 'take' on the events in each chapter. So appreciate your support and generosity, my friend. Hugs, Bev
-
You are welcome. judi
Comment from c_lucas
The sad part of the priest's criminal acts is that the Church hid the information and protected the perpretrators. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
|
The sad part of the priest's criminal acts is that the Church hid the information and protected the perpretrators. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
That they did, charlie. Thanks so much for stopping by to review so generously. I appreciate it. Bev
-
You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from Humbly K
A very enjoyable read from start to finish, very great story I'm impressed. Great character interactions and good actions taking place.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
|
A very enjoyable read from start to finish, very great story I'm impressed. Great character interactions and good actions taking place.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
-
Thank you so much, Humbly. I sure appreciate your reading and reviewing so generously. Am glad you enjoyed the read! Warm regards, Bev