The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Of Love and War"Love Among the Thorns
62 total reviews
Comment from Scottea
A great read.
Only thing that I noticed was the quote/speech marks are needed at the end of the sentence that ends . . . be gone in the morning.
Felt it flowed on well with the story.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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A great read.
Only thing that I noticed was the quote/speech marks are needed at the end of the sentence that ends . . . be gone in the morning.
Felt it flowed on well with the story.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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I fixed it, thank you, Scottea.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
This is a very enjoyable and touching story. Adventure, love, and expectation about what will be Nathan and Eve's future. Nicely done chapter! I'll be looking for next one.
Regards,
:)
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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This is a very enjoyable and touching story. Adventure, love, and expectation about what will be Nathan and Eve's future. Nicely done chapter! I'll be looking for next one.
Regards,
:)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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Thank you auroaboreal800. I really appreciate it.
Comment from JM daSilva
Yeah, I enjoyed this chapter very much. First the lovemaking, then the car, then the goodbye at the station. A sad moment indeed.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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Yeah, I enjoyed this chapter very much. First the lovemaking, then the car, then the goodbye at the station. A sad moment indeed.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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Thank you JM. So glad you stopped by and read my story.
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We're review buddies now. lol. I'll try to review all of them, when I don't, you know it is because of my day job.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Nathans' life continues to move steadily forward. And now off to war, but not before he finally tells Eva he loves her. Nicely done. Carolyn
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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Nathans' life continues to move steadily forward. And now off to war, but not before he finally tells Eva he loves her. Nicely done. Carolyn
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2013
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Thank you, my friend, for your review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is a wonderful chapter, and I'm so glad Nathan finally realized he loves Eva after all.... sure took him long enough. Now he'll face danger and see men die... not looking forward to blood and gore and hope you keep it to a minimum.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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This is a wonderful chapter, and I'm so glad Nathan finally realized he loves Eva after all.... sure took him long enough. Now he'll face danger and see men die... not looking forward to blood and gore and hope you keep it to a minimum.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Don't worry Phyllis, this is a romantic bio set in a period that has to follow the reality of its time. Thank you for caring about my story, my friend. I'll do my best.
Comment from Apryle Willis
This is a very well written story. I didn't have any trouble whatsoever keeping up with it. Im not a fan of sexual content in my reading so I skipped a bit of that but even there it didn't get out of control. Very good story line. I loved your ending with the glove waved goodbye. Your friend, Apryle
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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This is a very well written story. I didn't have any trouble whatsoever keeping up with it. Im not a fan of sexual content in my reading so I skipped a bit of that but even there it didn't get out of control. Very good story line. I loved your ending with the glove waved goodbye. Your friend, Apryle
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you my friend Apryle. I tried to keep the love-making as tasteful as possible. I didn't put a warning, because didn't want people to avoid it, thinking it had explicit sex.
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It did seem to have a tasteful approach. And your right...the warning would have deterred me. lol smart move. :) Apryle
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LOL:)
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of raising the intensity of this chapter. The writer uses good transition between the events and the conversations. The characters seem real as the writer does a good job of drawing the reader into this chapter from the start. I see nothing that I would add or take out of this chapter. Good job.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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The writer does a good job of raising the intensity of this chapter. The writer uses good transition between the events and the conversations. The characters seem real as the writer does a good job of drawing the reader into this chapter from the start. I see nothing that I would add or take out of this chapter. Good job.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you Riter. Always a pleasure hearing from you, my friend.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where nathan spends a special night and morning with eva and then pete takes them to the train station in a car.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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this is very well written, amahra, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where nathan spends a special night and morning with eva and then pete takes them to the train station in a car.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing sweetwoodjax.
Comment from TheWriteTeach
I enjoyed reading this next piece in the story. Everything you wrote moves the story forward and nothing stalls or drags along. I didn't lose focus or interest. Their love making was tastefully written yet conveyed the emotions to the reader. Well done. You did a nice job of balancing the telling and showing. Showing when you needed to and telling when you didn't need to show.
I did find some things that, to me, were problematic.
You switched tenses, back and forth, from present to past, sometimes in the same paragraph.
You wrote in the passive numerous times. Passive and active each have a different and definite purpose in writing. It is stressed to use the active voice as much as possible.
You used three similes in one paragraph using the word like. They are good similes, but using the same word multiple times in one paragraph and so close together doesn't lend itself to strong writing.
The terms of endearment used in the dialogue were overused and seemed slightly saccharine and forced. Perhaps because there were so many different terms used: Sweetheart, honey [needs capital H), Love, Sweetie, Baby, and possibly more. Most often, couples fall into the habit of using a single pet name for their other half.
You misplaced the quotation marks in your dialogue. You wrote, "What are you doing, he asked, frowning." The quotation mark should be after the word doing. This also needs a question mark rather than the comma.
Tag lines are for identifying the speaker, nothing more. Don't gunk a tag line up with other info that should be in a separate sentence, or not even needed. For example, you wrote, "What on earth . . . ?" Eva asked, astonished. If written correctly, the previous dialogue or narrative will already have the reader well aware of the speaker's emotions. I feel you wrote the dialogue correctly because just from the words Eva said we already know she is astonished. Many writers do this in their own prose, but common sense tells us that when an author writes dialogue and immediately feels the need to describe how those words were spoken, or tell the reader what is going on, it is not strong writing.
Looking forward to reading the next installment.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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I enjoyed reading this next piece in the story. Everything you wrote moves the story forward and nothing stalls or drags along. I didn't lose focus or interest. Their love making was tastefully written yet conveyed the emotions to the reader. Well done. You did a nice job of balancing the telling and showing. Showing when you needed to and telling when you didn't need to show.
I did find some things that, to me, were problematic.
You switched tenses, back and forth, from present to past, sometimes in the same paragraph.
You wrote in the passive numerous times. Passive and active each have a different and definite purpose in writing. It is stressed to use the active voice as much as possible.
You used three similes in one paragraph using the word like. They are good similes, but using the same word multiple times in one paragraph and so close together doesn't lend itself to strong writing.
The terms of endearment used in the dialogue were overused and seemed slightly saccharine and forced. Perhaps because there were so many different terms used: Sweetheart, honey [needs capital H), Love, Sweetie, Baby, and possibly more. Most often, couples fall into the habit of using a single pet name for their other half.
You misplaced the quotation marks in your dialogue. You wrote, "What are you doing, he asked, frowning." The quotation mark should be after the word doing. This also needs a question mark rather than the comma.
Tag lines are for identifying the speaker, nothing more. Don't gunk a tag line up with other info that should be in a separate sentence, or not even needed. For example, you wrote, "What on earth . . . ?" Eva asked, astonished. If written correctly, the previous dialogue or narrative will already have the reader well aware of the speaker's emotions. I feel you wrote the dialogue correctly because just from the words Eva said we already know she is astonished. Many writers do this in their own prose, but common sense tells us that when an author writes dialogue and immediately feels the need to describe how those words were spoken, or tell the reader what is going on, it is not strong writing.
Looking forward to reading the next installment.
Suzanne
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much Suzanne for your thorough examination of my work. I will go over the chapter and make the appropriate corrections. Have never read your work. I look forward to reading you.
Comment from Aussie
Appropriate black and white photo to compliment your story; love scene between Nathan and Eva was wonderfully composed, stirring emotions, describing tastefully the passion fulfilled between lovers. The last night before leaving for the front. The line' The sudden appearance of water welling up in her eyes, tied his tongue.' different way of saying tears began to form - liked that, most imaginative. Does 'Chessy cat' mean Cheshire cat? I did so enjoy this incomplete chapter - I like to write poems about War. You have done a splendid job writing this short story.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Appropriate black and white photo to compliment your story; love scene between Nathan and Eva was wonderfully composed, stirring emotions, describing tastefully the passion fulfilled between lovers. The last night before leaving for the front. The line' The sudden appearance of water welling up in her eyes, tied his tongue.' different way of saying tears began to form - liked that, most imaginative. Does 'Chessy cat' mean Cheshire cat? I did so enjoy this incomplete chapter - I like to write poems about War. You have done a splendid job writing this short story.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2013
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Thank you so much, my dear for taking the time to read and review my chapter. I appreciate this fine review. It is most encouraging.
And yes, Chessy cat is slang for Cheshire cat. The cat with the big teeth smile in Alice in Wonderland was called Chessy cat by one of its characters. Wow, you're very knowledgeable.
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I do like to read, especially about England. LOL.