Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 64 "Akicita Moon"Murder Mystery
37 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Ah, the suspense builds...you certainly write realistic dialogue, my friend, and your narrative makes the whole thing come to life - I picture every scene so clearly! Wonderful, as always. I guess I'm not much help in the editing department because I seldom see anything I'd change, and this chapter is no exception.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Ah, the suspense builds...you certainly write realistic dialogue, my friend, and your narrative makes the whole thing come to life - I picture every scene so clearly! Wonderful, as always. I guess I'm not much help in the editing department because I seldom see anything I'd change, and this chapter is no exception.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you so very much, Dawn. Your loyalty and encouragement are of great support to me. I appreciate that you've stuck with me on this long project. Reviews like yours are reward for the hard work. Hugs, Bev
Comment from CR Delport
Will Ty be in time and able to save Danika? I could feel the poor woman's agony. This is very well written with good descriptions and excellent dialogue.
and her throat ached with each indrawn breath. --- each drawn breath. ??? Sounds better?
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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Will Ty be in time and able to save Danika? I could feel the poor woman's agony. This is very well written with good descriptions and excellent dialogue.
and her throat ached with each indrawn breath. --- each drawn breath. ??? Sounds better?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Hi, CR. I debated on that myself. I think your suggestion is better. Correction on the way.
As always, thanks for your generosity.
Bev
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for the warning about strong language and using the dramatic artwork to reinforce the surreal mood, plus adding the Sioux translations. Your opening descriptions of Danika's recurring nightmare and reality were quite compelling and the "brick," "water bubbles" and "jackal bitch" similes were very effective. Your appeals to our senses of hearing and taste were brilliant. Carissa's regionalisms plus Jake and Ty's conversation were very realistic as well. You left us in double suspense--great job! Breathless- Joan
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thank you for the warning about strong language and using the dramatic artwork to reinforce the surreal mood, plus adding the Sioux translations. Your opening descriptions of Danika's recurring nightmare and reality were quite compelling and the "brick," "water bubbles" and "jackal bitch" similes were very effective. Your appeals to our senses of hearing and taste were brilliant. Carissa's regionalisms plus Jake and Ty's conversation were very realistic as well. You left us in double suspense--great job! Breathless- Joan
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Joan, thank you much for taking time to read my chapter. There was a lot going on, and I wondered if there'd be information/sensory overload. I'm glad it worked for you. That means a lot to me. And you always pick up on the parts I like best, too! Sure appreciate your support and generosity!
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Maureen's Pen
OMG Bev - I'm definitely gonna need lights on tonight. What impressive writing this one was. Scared me have to death....just as well I sneaked it in just before dark. Imagery, dialogue and the emotional banter back and forth I thought was skillfully done. ....excellent work for your story my friend.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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OMG Bev - I'm definitely gonna need lights on tonight. What impressive writing this one was. Scared me have to death....just as well I sneaked it in just before dark. Imagery, dialogue and the emotional banter back and forth I thought was skillfully done. ....excellent work for your story my friend.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Maureen, thank you so much. You're kind of my horror barometer LOL. I really appreciate your reading this chapter despite the scare! And, as always, great to hear from you. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
I bet you're going to receive another string of sixers for this edge-of-the-chair read, Bev.
What I love about it is the question that keeps floating around in one's head: are these events supernatural or human manipulation? Keeps the anxiety and sense of anticipation high.
Fabulous!
Hope the weather is as lovely out there as it is over at my end.
Love,
xxx
Sonali :)
Attempting to roll (o)nto her side,
Rustling announced the presence of another in the room. .. how about ... Rustling announced a presence in the room ..? (it's understood that it's 'another')
(Dogs) can't speak. Pearce
Harsh (laughter) from every corner
up with his(much thinner) boss.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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I bet you're going to receive another string of sixers for this edge-of-the-chair read, Bev.
What I love about it is the question that keeps floating around in one's head: are these events supernatural or human manipulation? Keeps the anxiety and sense of anticipation high.
Fabulous!
Hope the weather is as lovely out there as it is over at my end.
Love,
xxx
Sonali :)
Attempting to roll (o)nto her side,
Rustling announced the presence of another in the room. .. how about ... Rustling announced a presence in the room ..? (it's understood that it's 'another')
(Dogs) can't speak. Pearce
Harsh (laughter) from every corner
up with his(much thinner) boss.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Sonali, thank you so much! What a delightful and very helpful review - as always. Your encouragement and generosity means so very much, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
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Bev, one little thought - the meaning of the moon names in your titles ... could you put it in your author notes? I keep meaning to ask and forget. xx
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Hi, Sonali. I do include them under the Sioux terms in my notes. I'll double check, but I'm pretty sure I remembered. Thanks for the thought! xxxx
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You have done it - my bad for not looking hard enough! Sorry, doll!
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I appreciate you looking out for me, Sonali -- no apologies necessary. Love ya, Bev
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi,Bev
Awesome chapter!!! The visuals you showed are excellent. I felt like I was in the room with Danika. I felt her terror, her pain and heard her sheiks of pain and fear. Your dialogue is perfect, creating such an intense scene. The second half of the chapter is just as tightly wound. Again, you placed me in the scene, feeling and hearing the tension between Ty and Jake. Excellent write, my friend!!!!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Hi,Bev
Awesome chapter!!! The visuals you showed are excellent. I felt like I was in the room with Danika. I felt her terror, her pain and heard her sheiks of pain and fear. Your dialogue is perfect, creating such an intense scene. The second half of the chapter is just as tightly wound. Again, you placed me in the scene, feeling and hearing the tension between Ty and Jake. Excellent write, my friend!!!!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Thank you so very much, Rosalyne. You are such a doll! Your encouragement and generosity make my heart sing. So glad you liked the chapter :))
Hugs, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
Well worth waiting for. You are doing a good job with your paranormal tail. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Well worth waiting for. You are doing a good job with your paranormal tail. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Charlie, thank you so much! I'm honored by your confidence and encouragement. :) Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie