A Painted Face
a final show55 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
really very well written...some times where there is no love...you really don't want to stay...but the show truly must play out...you never now what will happen...well done...
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
  |
really very well written...some times where there is no love...you really don't want to stay...but the show truly must play out...you never now what will happen...well done...
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Many thanks for your response to this piece. It is very much appreciated.
-
you are so very welcome...xxoo luff
Comment from Carole Rosa
To the author of "A Painted Face". I'm older and I feel the pain in the words of your poem, as I can relate to waiting for the final curtain call. Who says, the show must go on. Why do we have to pretend to be happy? Great entry for the contest. Good luck. Carole
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
To the author of "A Painted Face". I'm older and I feel the pain in the words of your poem, as I can relate to waiting for the final curtain call. Who says, the show must go on. Why do we have to pretend to be happy? Great entry for the contest. Good luck. Carole
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this great review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You handled the prompt well. Good job with the rhyme. There is great flow (rather quick). The stark display adds to the sadness of the poem. I see no changes. Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
You handled the prompt well. Good job with the rhyme. There is great flow (rather quick). The stark display adds to the sadness of the poem. I see no changes. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Many thanks for your thoughts on this. Much appreciated
Comment from I am Cat
I absolutely love this...
a completely different look into "the show"
I felt that it really put on a different face...
the only part I might rework would be the word "splint"... which almost felt forced...
or maybe i'm not seeing it as working...
perhaps...
'There is no sparkle, not a glint
As for the soul, an aching dent'
?
(just a thought)
loved it... loved your take on the entire thing.
Well done.
Cat
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
I absolutely love this...
a completely different look into "the show"
I felt that it really put on a different face...
the only part I might rework would be the word "splint"... which almost felt forced...
or maybe i'm not seeing it as working...
perhaps...
'There is no sparkle, not a glint
As for the soul, an aching dent'
?
(just a thought)
loved it... loved your take on the entire thing.
Well done.
Cat
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Many thanks for this in-depth review. I shall have a look at that line later. Much appreciated.
Comment from Zue65
Oh yes, I resonate with the message of your poem. life is like a great stage and we are all actors in a game of let's pretend. The message is thought provoking. An excellent write.
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
Oh yes, I resonate with the message of your poem. life is like a great stage and we are all actors in a game of let's pretend. The message is thought provoking. An excellent write.
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Many thanks for your thoughtful response to this poem. I appreciate it a lot.
Comment from TAB_that's me
A poem of sadness and darkness - one that feels there is no reason to go on in life. Good entry for the contest and good luck.
Teresa
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
A poem of sadness and darkness - one that feels there is no reason to go on in life. Good entry for the contest and good luck.
Teresa
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Many thanks for your thoughts on this piece. Much appreciated.
Comment from rjuselius
This is a brilliant entry for this particular writing prompt dear anonymous! You showcase the mask every person lives behind very vividly and with true insight!
Thank you for sharing!
Blessings!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
This is a brilliant entry for this particular writing prompt dear anonymous! You showcase the mask every person lives behind very vividly and with true insight!
Thank you for sharing!
Blessings!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Many thanks for this great review, Rebekka. it is very much appreciated.
Comment from Donovan
I was thinking that today I wanted to be depressed so I started reading poems about the show must go on and bingo...depression. Anyway...nice job, now I will just put the covers over my head.
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
I was thinking that today I wanted to be depressed so I started reading poems about the show must go on and bingo...depression. Anyway...nice job, now I will just put the covers over my head.
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Thanks for that! I know how you feel, sometimes. All the best.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly. I thoroughly enjoyed the meter and flowing rhyme of this piece and the artfully refreshing manner in which you approached the prompt. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
This meets the contest requirements splendidly. I thoroughly enjoyed the meter and flowing rhyme of this piece and the artfully refreshing manner in which you approached the prompt. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Many thanks for this great and encouraging review. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I'm not entirely sure who said it first. I believe it was either W.C.Fields or James A. Bailey, he of the famous Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus fame.
Be that as it may, the rhyming in this short, albeit bittersweet, poem is exemplary. I only slightly stumbled over one line, but nothing major or worth noting. It's more than likely a line in which you yourself have pondered over dozens of times while writing and composing this piece on one pondering suicide.
Best of luck to you in the contest with this. Good work...~Dean
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
|
I'm not entirely sure who said it first. I believe it was either W.C.Fields or James A. Bailey, he of the famous Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus fame.
Be that as it may, the rhyming in this short, albeit bittersweet, poem is exemplary. I only slightly stumbled over one line, but nothing major or worth noting. It's more than likely a line in which you yourself have pondered over dozens of times while writing and composing this piece on one pondering suicide.
Best of luck to you in the contest with this. Good work...~Dean
Comment Written 27-May-2015
reply by the author on 27-May-2015
-
Many thanks for the review, Dean. There is definitely a ponderous line in there but I couldn't make it work any better without losing some of the feeling which I wanted to maintain. My accent makes it work though!
I am really glad you liked this one, and thanks for the info!!
A couple of really good entries in here, and I think I can predict the winner unless there is some 'freakish' result. I know it has my vote anyway.
All the best.
-
Here's what I came up with after pondering a few of the lines. Of course, everyone has a very unique & different way of expressing themselves, and I'm in no way trying to infringe upon that in any way. They are only suggestions to do with, or not, what you wish. I hope you helps you solve that pesky line... :)
Dean
Each day I see such sadness there
Set deep in eyes which do not care
There is no sparkle, not one glint
As for the soul -- it can't repent.
A painted face, no truth at all
No knocking door, love does not call
I sit alone, await my fate
And all the while know it's too late.
This fool's facade, this final prep
will aid me take this one last step
Can't bear to see another dawn
Who was it said, "The show must go on"?
-
That is superb, me friend, but as the voting has already started I will leave it as it is until the voting is finished. Afterwards, I will change some of those lines. I really appreciate the help with it.
-
Good enough... ;)