Jason Lamar Kane's Private Orbit
Never Underestimate a Daddy's Love40 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Yes, indeed, don't underestimate the love of a daddy. It can be a veritable balancing act my friend...I love my girls very deeply, and if things were done t them...I know what I'd feel like doing, but doing that is different, I think you've captured the grieving father, even after death the love marches on. Stinky poo for Jason Lamar Kane. Well done Jay, poetic justice? Good luck, Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2018
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Yes, indeed, don't underestimate the love of a daddy. It can be a veritable balancing act my friend...I love my girls very deeply, and if things were done t them...I know what I'd feel like doing, but doing that is different, I think you've captured the grieving father, even after death the love marches on. Stinky poo for Jason Lamar Kane. Well done Jay, poetic justice? Good luck, Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 21-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2018
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Ah, thank you, Roy. Glad you read it and enjoyed it. The name Jason Lamar Kane seemed to fit, didn't it? Believe it or not, the idea didn't come to me until near the ending that the daughter would give her father the ultimatum. It gave him the perfect motivation for humiliating Jason Lamar Kane.
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It was an excellent adjustment,
Comment from barbara.wilkey
The length was perfect. You couldn't have done this story any justice by making it shorter. You did a wonderful job writing this contest entry. I enjoyed reading every word. The love a father has for his daughter is unmeasurable. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2018
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The length was perfect. You couldn't have done this story any justice by making it shorter. You did a wonderful job writing this contest entry. I enjoyed reading every word. The love a father has for his daughter is unmeasurable. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2018
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Thank you so much, Barbara for your kindness and your assurance on its length. I really didn't want it to go so long, but the father's motivation and Jason Lamar Kane's breakdown wouldn't have come across with less words. At least not at my present level of writing. Barbara, thank you so much for the six stars. It means a great deal to me.
Comment from pome lover
I was so engrossed I didn't think about the length.
That was certainly a surprise ending. Now that I think about it, I wondered at the time why a light blue suit. I don't recall having seen any except light blue seersucker suits, years ago. Anyway, for an adored actor, that was a well planned revenge.
The pace of your story was good, never letting up on the tension. Realistic evolving of the plot and a satisfying ending.
well done.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2018
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I was so engrossed I didn't think about the length.
That was certainly a surprise ending. Now that I think about it, I wondered at the time why a light blue suit. I don't recall having seen any except light blue seersucker suits, years ago. Anyway, for an adored actor, that was a well planned revenge.
The pace of your story was good, never letting up on the tension. Realistic evolving of the plot and a satisfying ending.
well done.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 21-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2018
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Katharine, you just earned yourself a thumbs up. Thank you for taking the time to judge this in the proper depth. Reviews like yours are truly helpful, while encouraging.
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thank you kindly. It is a good story.
Comment from Lady Jane
Wow, I didn't expect the ending. I figured he'd have him nipped off the second he left the restaurant, LOL. Excellent dialogue. The tension built up meticulously and the dialogue was easy to follow. There were no nits that I could find. Just an excellent dialogue only contest entry. I feel bad she chose to end her life though. Sigh. Not so good, but it made for excellent tension between characters. Well done, dear. well done and good luck in the contest with this one.
Janell
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Wow, I didn't expect the ending. I figured he'd have him nipped off the second he left the restaurant, LOL. Excellent dialogue. The tension built up meticulously and the dialogue was easy to follow. There were no nits that I could find. Just an excellent dialogue only contest entry. I feel bad she chose to end her life though. Sigh. Not so good, but it made for excellent tension between characters. Well done, dear. well done and good luck in the contest with this one.
Janell
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Janell, you are so kind to give me this wonderful, helpful review. I am thrilled you enjoyed it.
Comment from LIJ Red
Enjoyed it greatly. Did have to adjourn to the smaller adjoining room (poor Kane) during the read...I support the notion that a letter is dialog...exceptional prose, Jay.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Enjoyed it greatly. Did have to adjourn to the smaller adjoining room (poor Kane) during the read...I support the notion that a letter is dialog...exceptional prose, Jay.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Red. A 6 star rating from you is an honor, sir.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Awesome piece. Bravo. Long, but the more the better. You're an amazing writer. Do you teach? You should, if you don't. I fully expect this to win first prize, so here's your first congratulations! :)
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Awesome piece. Bravo. Long, but the more the better. You're an amazing writer. Do you teach? You should, if you don't. I fully expect this to win first prize, so here's your first congratulations! :)
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Oh, Phyllis, Phyllis, Phyllis. It's said far too often, but indeed, you made my day. No, I don't teach. One of my regrets. I am STOKED! Thanks be to you. Have a glorious Thanksgiving, Phyllis.
Comment from F. Wehr3
Really top notch work, Jay. I have missed your work here, your flair for the dramatic. I wish the best of luck in the contest. There are actually some really good entries for this one. Damn it, lol.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Really top notch work, Jay. I have missed your work here, your flair for the dramatic. I wish the best of luck in the contest. There are actually some really good entries for this one. Damn it, lol.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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I know what you mean. Lee has a good one, and his are usually always good. Yours is superb in its comedic twists and turns. And mine is--well, long. But thanks for the 6 stars. I really appreciate it. And your well-wishes.
Comment from Sasha
Terrific work with this dialogue only entry. It is so good to read your work again, you have been missed. I enjoyed this deeply moving and clever story and sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Terrific work with this dialogue only entry. It is so good to read your work again, you have been missed. I enjoyed this deeply moving and clever story and sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Sasha, thank you so much. For everything, your well-wishes and especially your side comment about my being missed. It's good to be missed.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm sorry I'm out of 6s already, Jay, this was a fantastic story. I would have pulled the trigger. You really told this well, I was sitting at the table listening to them speaking. What a sad thing for a dad to carry all that time. I loved the ending, lol, I could just picture him in his pale blue suit stained... LOL. Well done, it wasn't too long at all. It's lovely to see you on here again, my friend. I've missed you. :)) Sandra xxx
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reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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I'm sorry I'm out of 6s already, Jay, this was a fantastic story. I would have pulled the trigger. You really told this well, I was sitting at the table listening to them speaking. What a sad thing for a dad to carry all that time. I loved the ending, lol, I could just picture him in his pale blue suit stained... LOL. Well done, it wasn't too long at all. It's lovely to see you on here again, my friend. I've missed you. :)) Sandra xxx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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I don't know what happened to my first comment. It went cyber-bye-bye. Strange about the pale blue suit. They were popular in the 50s. Anyway, I was looking for a way to dramatize his situation, and the suit was perfect for that. But that was in the last paragraph. So I had to go back and slide in mention of his suit color in the beginning. I'm glad you didn't find it too long. I'm afraid for the contest, though, it will be. Those judges have a lot of entrants to read. We'll see, though.
Comment from Adri7enne
A bit heavy, Jay. It went on beyond it's preferred length. You missed many opportunities to end it and make it a perfect short story. Lol! Couldn't help yourself because it was flowing right along. Dialogues can be like that. Lol! Still.... I got a good idea what kinds of guys were involved in the story. Good show, with only dialogue. Good luck in the contest. Good to read you, again.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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A bit heavy, Jay. It went on beyond it's preferred length. You missed many opportunities to end it and make it a perfect short story. Lol! Couldn't help yourself because it was flowing right along. Dialogues can be like that. Lol! Still.... I got a good idea what kinds of guys were involved in the story. Good show, with only dialogue. Good luck in the contest. Good to read you, again.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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I think I have to agree with you, only I didn't know there was a preferred length. I suppose as an entry where the judges have dozens to read, the shorter would tend to be preferred. And there are some good, short ones entered. I've learned to respect your knowledge and expertise, though. Thanks for your honesty and your well wishes.