Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Part 3 Chapter 5"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
94 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
This was a great read from beginning to end, as usual. I enjoyed the interplay between father and son in trying to describe Anna
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
  |
This was a great read from beginning to end, as usual. I enjoyed the interplay between father and son in trying to describe Anna
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gideon Roth
Hello Barbara. I am back after a long absence and was happy to see that you are still churning out some great writing. This posting is an excellent addition to this story. The dialogue is well done and the characters, as well as interactions with each other, have a real life feel. I only noticed one place that you may wish to take a look at. I am thinking that you may have intended to use the word "little" in the following line.
Troy studied it. "The eyes need to be a littler farther apart." You're one of the best and I am happy to be reading your work again.
Looking forward to your next submission...Tim
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
Hello Barbara. I am back after a long absence and was happy to see that you are still churning out some great writing. This posting is an excellent addition to this story. The dialogue is well done and the characters, as well as interactions with each other, have a real life feel. I only noticed one place that you may wish to take a look at. I am thinking that you may have intended to use the word "little" in the following line.
Troy studied it. "The eyes need to be a littler farther apart." You're one of the best and I am happy to be reading your work again.
Looking forward to your next submission...Tim
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Welcome back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have missed your reviews and your writing. I appreciate yoru kind review and I can't wait to read your work.
Comment from write hand blue
I think there is a lot more to rise
out of your story.I find it
beautiful... Well written
with such expression.
Mel write hand blue.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
I think there is a lot more to rise
out of your story.I find it
beautiful... Well written
with such expression.
Mel write hand blue.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Solrac
Barbara Wilkey has done it again. The script, the location, the voices and colors, the solitude and energy of the characters touch the readers profoundly. Barbara makes the reader SEE.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
Barbara Wilkey has done it again. The script, the location, the voices and colors, the solitude and energy of the characters touch the readers profoundly. Barbara makes the reader SEE.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you my dear friend. I appreciate hearing from you. I so hope we will soon be blessed with another one of your stories.
-
I am just passing by for the time being, I am putting the last touches to the first two books of the 999 Steps Trilogy, "The Brotherhood of Valcourange" and "The Prodigal Son Returns", which will be at the book stores at the end of August. I Started the third book but it will take a little while to post in Fanstory,
Solrac
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
A very good chapter. You even showed the inconsistency police encounter from eye witnesses. I did not see any SNAGS or other problems.
AH, EVEN IN STORIES, folks assume couples will get married. Of course in fanstory land - the changes of a happy ending are momentous.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
A very good chapter. You even showed the inconsistency police encounter from eye witnesses. I did not see any SNAGS or other problems.
AH, EVEN IN STORIES, folks assume couples will get married. Of course in fanstory land - the changes of a happy ending are momentous.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review and insight.
Comment from prophetess
I havent kept up with the story but understand it's concept all too well. Domestic violence is a subject close to home for far too many women, and men, for that matter and it's something that people are rarely willing to talk about or get involved in until it's too late. This is a good write, I saw no spag, or need for revising. Thank you for calling attention to this sensitive and important subject. Im sure you have a hit here.
Prophetess
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
I havent kept up with the story but understand it's concept all too well. Domestic violence is a subject close to home for far too many women, and men, for that matter and it's something that people are rarely willing to talk about or get involved in until it's too late. This is a good write, I saw no spag, or need for revising. Thank you for calling attention to this sensitive and important subject. Im sure you have a hit here.
Prophetess
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from pickthorn
The search for Anna continues. I'm glad that Aunt Margaret has finally got the sketch of Anna to the satisfaction of Troy. I'm sure they are getting close to finding the missing girl.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
The search for Anna continues. I'm glad that Aunt Margaret has finally got the sketch of Anna to the satisfaction of Troy. I'm sure they are getting close to finding the missing girl.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jsblume
Your dialog and detail is great. You have a lot patience. You might want a comma in the first sentence:
After dinner Margaret removed her sketchpad
After dinner Margaret, removed her sketchpad
Also, for some reason, the second "sigh" (Paul, I think it was) caught me as repetitive. The first one by Margaret helped me feel her mild exasperation.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
Your dialog and detail is great. You have a lot patience. You might want a comma in the first sentence:
After dinner Margaret removed her sketchpad
After dinner Margaret, removed her sketchpad
Also, for some reason, the second "sigh" (Paul, I think it was) caught me as repetitive. The first one by Margaret helped me feel her mild exasperation.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review and I will check those areas.
Comment from AprilShower
Good writing, Barbara. I liked the way his aunt was finally able to get a sketch that looked like Anna. Hopefully, they will be able to find her and help her. April
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
Good writing, Barbara. I liked the way his aunt was finally able to get a sketch that looked like Anna. Hopefully, they will be able to find her and help her. April
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
-
You're welcome, Barbara.
Comment from PrincessinPurple
The story is coming along great. I like how Troy has people there to help him. I hope Anna and Michael are okay. I am glad you are write this story. It is great with the information you provide at the end.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
|
The story is coming along great. I like how Troy has people there to help him. I hope Anna and Michael are okay. I am glad you are write this story. It is great with the information you provide at the end.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
Your welcome!