Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Part 1 Chapter 6"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
87 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
At least ;it seems Ana is safe and Michael is with her...at least that is what Paul and Troy think. I don't know how Troy can remove himself from trying to find Anna, I think he feels more for her than he lets himself believe. Great chapter! Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
  |
Hi Barbara,
At least ;it seems Ana is safe and Michael is with her...at least that is what Paul and Troy think. I don't know how Troy can remove himself from trying to find Anna, I think he feels more for her than he lets himself believe. Great chapter! Blessings, chey
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
I may have missed a bit, Barbara. But I'm understanding that Anna is missing and everybody is desparately searching and worried in this chapter. Excellent narration and dialogue as usual. Am I ever going to find an error in something of yours? Lol! Very good.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
I may have missed a bit, Barbara. But I'm understanding that Anna is missing and everybody is desparately searching and worried in this chapter. Excellent narration and dialogue as usual. Am I ever going to find an error in something of yours? Lol! Very good.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
Yes, I make errors. I have made some stupid ones this time, but reviewers have already caught them. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Janie King
This is well-written and definitely deals with a very complex problems> I've not been there..until you deal with something like that I'm not sure you would know what you would do. My instinct says he's have to sleep sometime and that would be the end, I'd probably end up in prison but that's just a guess. Great job. God bless.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
This is well-written and definitely deals with a very complex problems> I've not been there..until you deal with something like that I'm not sure you would know what you would do. My instinct says he's have to sleep sometime and that would be the end, I'd probably end up in prison but that's just a guess. Great job. God bless.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
What a pity it is that Anna does not realise what a wonderful friend she has in Troy ... and his father - Paul ... who are so concerned for her safety and that of her little son.
There are just a few small changes to suggest -
* You have - Do you think she knows where Anna's at? I think this would read more smoothly as - Do you think she knows where Anna is?
* You have - His dad chuckled. I suggest - His Dad chuckled.
* You have - I better let Mom know I'll be there for dinner. I suggest - I had better let Mom know ....
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from ........ Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
Hullo Barbara ....
What a pity it is that Anna does not realise what a wonderful friend she has in Troy ... and his father - Paul ... who are so concerned for her safety and that of her little son.
There are just a few small changes to suggest -
* You have - Do you think she knows where Anna's at? I think this would read more smoothly as - Do you think she knows where Anna is?
* You have - His dad chuckled. I suggest - His Dad chuckled.
* You have - I better let Mom know I'll be there for dinner. I suggest - I had better let Mom know ....
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from ........ Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
I will make the changes except for His dad, because of the his dad has a lower case 'd'. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from JW
Wow. This definitely does not look good. However, you did a great job in writing this. You have done a fantastic job of leaving the reading in suspense. JW
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
Wow. This definitely does not look good. However, you did a great job in writing this. You have done a fantastic job of leaving the reading in suspense. JW
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
A good chapter, Barbara. Criminal charges are said to "stick" (or not) rather than "hold", but that's the only thing I can find for you to look at. I found your categories interesting. Many of these self-perceptions are taught to abused children by their parents: being worthless, helpless, deserving of punishment but not knowing why, loving the abuser because it is a parent or parents, fearful of desertion or worse abuse if the abuser is found out, etc. It's amazing what people do to those they say they love. It requires learning an entirely new way of viewing oneself and the world in general to prevail against that sort of brainwashing. It can be done, but not without lasting scars. Well done. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
A good chapter, Barbara. Criminal charges are said to "stick" (or not) rather than "hold", but that's the only thing I can find for you to look at. I found your categories interesting. Many of these self-perceptions are taught to abused children by their parents: being worthless, helpless, deserving of punishment but not knowing why, loving the abuser because it is a parent or parents, fearful of desertion or worse abuse if the abuser is found out, etc. It's amazing what people do to those they say they love. It requires learning an entirely new way of viewing oneself and the world in general to prevail against that sort of brainwashing. It can be done, but not without lasting scars. Well done. :) Nancy
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review. I will make that correction.
Comment from amada
Beautiful work in amateur detective work. That volunteer really seems like carrying the secret to something. Very good written chapter.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
Beautiful work in amateur detective work. That volunteer really seems like carrying the secret to something. Very good written chapter.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Des Beirne
I'm glad to see you got your book cover back. Great authors notes!
The story is at an exciting stage, as always a great read.
Des
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
I'm glad to see you got your book cover back. Great authors notes!
The story is at an exciting stage, as always a great read.
Des
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Hi dear Barbara.
This is a highly relevant theme (Why women stay) and a good chapter. The pacing is superb--swift adn easy to follow. The dialog sounds true to life and coneys a lot of what's going on, even for a new reader to this story. Characterization seems good but could be improved by a bit more descriptions of feelings.
You use action tags superbly and I did not notice a single superfluous speech tag. Well done!
A few spags to note-
Detailed notes-
*Mid-afternoon, Troy answered his cellphone. "Dad, did Everett find Anna?" Troy listened for a few moments.
Suggest using HE instead of Troy in second line.
*
He hid his finger point under his arm and nodded in her direction.
Maybe use a hyphen here: finger-point
I had to read the line twice to 'get it'
* "I heard that motorcycle three blocks away. You know those things are dangerous, don't you.(?)"
Trusting you'll fix typos, five stars in advance. Bravo!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
Hi dear Barbara.
This is a highly relevant theme (Why women stay) and a good chapter. The pacing is superb--swift adn easy to follow. The dialog sounds true to life and coneys a lot of what's going on, even for a new reader to this story. Characterization seems good but could be improved by a bit more descriptions of feelings.
You use action tags superbly and I did not notice a single superfluous speech tag. Well done!
A few spags to note-
Detailed notes-
*Mid-afternoon, Troy answered his cellphone. "Dad, did Everett find Anna?" Troy listened for a few moments.
Suggest using HE instead of Troy in second line.
*
He hid his finger point under his arm and nodded in her direction.
Maybe use a hyphen here: finger-point
I had to read the line twice to 'get it'
* "I heard that motorcycle three blocks away. You know those things are dangerous, don't you.(?)"
Trusting you'll fix typos, five stars in advance. Bravo!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
I am on my way to fix those typos. Thank you for catching them.
-
Most welcome. Glad to help.
Warmly,r d
Comment from dmjones
Hi Barbara, I thought this was an excellent chapter. I think Troy is getting closer to the truth but I'm not sure Anna wants to be found by anyone.
One typo:
I better led (let)Mom know I'll be there for dinner.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
|
Hi Barbara, I thought this was an excellent chapter. I think Troy is getting closer to the truth but I'm not sure Anna wants to be found by anyone.
One typo:
I better led (let)Mom know I'll be there for dinner.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2011
-
Thank you for catching that typo I have fixed it.