Travelling to Nowhere
When your only option is no option at all63 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
I love how you open this one up. It takes your reader with you on the journey straight away!
Love the word "disgorged" ... so satisfying that word here...
You have written a powerful story Mike and horrifying as well. Now imagine how it would be if you had been a woman against the brutal force of men like these. Either case is intolerable. I don't know what to say except this is unbelievable profound writing to me.
xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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I love how you open this one up. It takes your reader with you on the journey straight away!
Love the word "disgorged" ... so satisfying that word here...
You have written a powerful story Mike and horrifying as well. Now imagine how it would be if you had been a woman against the brutal force of men like these. Either case is intolerable. I don't know what to say except this is unbelievable profound writing to me.
xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much, my friend. This wasn't easy to write, but it had to be visceral and nasty to work. I guess it's all about desperation, escape, and the confines of one's own reality. I'm so glad you liked it!
Mike
Comment from rusla
Amazingly descriptive,horrific, terrifying and magnificently written like any great horror story should be. Simply amazing and edgy there is nothing I would edit or change in this story.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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Amazingly descriptive,horrific, terrifying and magnificently written like any great horror story should be. Simply amazing and edgy there is nothing I would edit or change in this story.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much, rusla - what a great review :-).
Mike
Comment from slapdasch
You probably deserve a five or even a six star rating, the piece is very well written and did indeed keep me on the edge of my seat. It may not be fair, but I'm docking you the extra stars based on the sheer unpleasantness of the story (yes, I know "unpleasantness" is likely a major requirement for getting the job done here, but nonetheless ....).
This reminded me of the movie "Sid and Nancy," and Hubert Selby's book "Last Exit to Brooklyn," which are both very unpleasant and over the top but offer unique points of view. As with your piece, it's difficult to "recommend" such fare without the warning that much of the content falls into the category of too awful to look away.
I can well imagine this story was not easy for you to write.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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You probably deserve a five or even a six star rating, the piece is very well written and did indeed keep me on the edge of my seat. It may not be fair, but I'm docking you the extra stars based on the sheer unpleasantness of the story (yes, I know "unpleasantness" is likely a major requirement for getting the job done here, but nonetheless ....).
This reminded me of the movie "Sid and Nancy," and Hubert Selby's book "Last Exit to Brooklyn," which are both very unpleasant and over the top but offer unique points of view. As with your piece, it's difficult to "recommend" such fare without the warning that much of the content falls into the category of too awful to look away.
I can well imagine this story was not easy for you to write.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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I can respect your viewpoint, although I did my best to give fair warning. I felt a bit that way when watching David Fincher's version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. There's a film maker who knows how to extract every ounce of nastiness frim a scene.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Mike
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True, you were very clear in your setup to the piece. The fact that the warning still didn't quite prepare me for what was to come is actually a kind of backhanded compliment to the power and effectiveness of your piece.
Comment from The Stranger
well you most certainly wrote a piece here that I can relate to, we all think we are on the road to somewhwere but inevitably, fate has other ideas
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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well you most certainly wrote a piece here that I can relate to, we all think we are on the road to somewhwere but inevitably, fate has other ideas
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Stranger. Yeah, fate can really feel like it's boxing us in, I think. Sometimes, fighting it really is futile. I couldn't think of anything more horrifying.
Mike
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi fleedleflump,
Where to start is I think the question with this one ... OK, perhaps it should carry the standard health warning, but then, why? It is written well, up to your usual standard, but it certainly carried a surprising subject.
Plotwise I think it works, though I couldn't work out on first read whether or not the "rewinds" are in the victims head, or simply alternative scenarios all ending in the same outcome. Certainly a challenging story and it does put the reader on edge!
Patrick
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Hi fleedleflump,
Where to start is I think the question with this one ... OK, perhaps it should carry the standard health warning, but then, why? It is written well, up to your usual standard, but it certainly carried a surprising subject.
Plotwise I think it works, though I couldn't work out on first read whether or not the "rewinds" are in the victims head, or simply alternative scenarios all ending in the same outcome. Certainly a challenging story and it does put the reader on edge!
Patrick
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Patrick. I'm leaving it up to the readers where the reality line falls in this story. Is it a sci-fi/fantasy or a medical horror? Both, perhaps :-).
Thanks for the great review.
Mike
Comment from Chris Tee
Fuck if I may say so!! Mike this is an absolutely horrific story and so well narrated here old sport.
Indeed a travel to nowhere.
Well done with this excellent write and entry in the contest and good luck with this splendid work.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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Fuck if I may say so!! Mike this is an absolutely horrific story and so well narrated here old sport.
Indeed a travel to nowhere.
Well done with this excellent write and entry in the contest and good luck with this splendid work.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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You may certainly say so, Chris. Sometimes profanity is the only appropriate response!
Mike
Comment from turtledove
Hi Fleedleflump: Love it and fear it...humans are really worse than beasts. He must have believed he truly deserved it. No Spags...but then again not my forte...God, we must all love our life's after this one, good therapy for those depressed, for sure. Can one sleep now?? Hope you get top prize but what about the numbers....not 666 but 1075?
All the best, turtledove:)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Hi Fleedleflump: Love it and fear it...humans are really worse than beasts. He must have believed he truly deserved it. No Spags...but then again not my forte...God, we must all love our life's after this one, good therapy for those depressed, for sure. Can one sleep now?? Hope you get top prize but what about the numbers....not 666 but 1075?
All the best, turtledove:)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you :-). In my mind, the numbers are the time of his death, although I only decided that after I finished, so some editing may ensue. 10:57. Ten, Five, Seven, and Death. The four rapists of the apocalypse, or the various aspects of self loathing in a tortured mind?
Thanks for the great review!
Mike
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Hi Mike, I see...like the angle, for sure. I hate to say this but I have seen(previous counselor days) the learned helplessness one puts themselves through before and after the abuse, almost like pick me pick me syndrom, so sad, could go on for hours, but excellent portrayl and keeps us on our toes...all the best, turtledove.
Comment from MyYiaYia
This was definitely edge-of-your-seat horror. Can you see it being made into a made-for-tv-movie? HBO would pick it up. Scared the pants off of me. I was expecting him to come back and start all over again, regardless of the under the wheels suicide. Great job, Mike. Deb :0)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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This was definitely edge-of-your-seat horror. Can you see it being made into a made-for-tv-movie? HBO would pick it up. Scared the pants off of me. I was expecting him to come back and start all over again, regardless of the under the wheels suicide. Great job, Mike. Deb :0)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Deb :-). I write very visually, so yeah, I can see this in a movie format, and HBO certainly have the guts to produce it. I thought about having him wake again, but to me he needed that escape, even though it was only to make the choice that's really no choice at all.
Mike
Comment from Mara del Mar
By God! Almost did not finish of read...
Is a story with all the ingredients need for win the concourse. Whole the time maintain the suspense and horror and the narration is in true very good. I wait a great success. Congrats and luck.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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By God! Almost did not finish of read...
Is a story with all the ingredients need for win the concourse. Whole the time maintain the suspense and horror and the narration is in true very good. I wait a great success. Congrats and luck.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Mara! It is hard going, but I'm glad you got to the end.
Mike
Comment from Sasha
I cannot believe I can't give you a 6 for this. You held me both horrified and spellbound from beginning to end. You most definitely put me on the edge with this one. Absolutely a superb entry for this contest. I most sincerely wish you all the best. Awesome work...you really scared the S...t out of me.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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I cannot believe I can't give you a 6 for this. You held me both horrified and spellbound from beginning to end. You most definitely put me on the edge with this one. Absolutely a superb entry for this contest. I most sincerely wish you all the best. Awesome work...you really scared the S...t out of me.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, my friend :-). It was an interesting writing experience, putting myself in that position, but the result was pretty much what I wanted. If I've discomfited people, then I have succeeded. Thanks for the great review!
Mike