Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "part one, Chapter 18"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
70 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Very interesting, fast-paced chapter. Just when it seems the situation is about to come to a head, something else happens. In this case, Anna's ex is on the loose again and Anna is in danger. There seems to be no end to the mischief Bobby can create. Interesting detail about the police not usually transporting children and that a social worker would be called. With all that has happened, it seems that Michael will be affected for some time to come. judi
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Very interesting, fast-paced chapter. Just when it seems the situation is about to come to a head, something else happens. In this case, Anna's ex is on the loose again and Anna is in danger. There seems to be no end to the mischief Bobby can create. Interesting detail about the police not usually transporting children and that a social worker would be called. With all that has happened, it seems that Michael will be affected for some time to come. judi
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Eldercrone
I have read the part before this, so I know a little about what's happening. This portion slides seamlessly into place. Your writing is smooth and flowing, and your plotting is effective. I do have one niggling nit to pick: if Paul can't drive into the gated apartment, how is he able to walk in? I know many gated places have pedestrian entrances, but surely with six cruisers there, the police would have a presence at that entrance. It might be more believable if an officer on duty had Paul show ID, then took him to a detective. I know they wouldn't let him near the crime scene, much less hand over a child (even to hold) without some verification of who he was. I hope this is helpful.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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I have read the part before this, so I know a little about what's happening. This portion slides seamlessly into place. Your writing is smooth and flowing, and your plotting is effective. I do have one niggling nit to pick: if Paul can't drive into the gated apartment, how is he able to walk in? I know many gated places have pedestrian entrances, but surely with six cruisers there, the police would have a presence at that entrance. It might be more believable if an officer on duty had Paul show ID, then took him to a detective. I know they wouldn't let him near the crime scene, much less hand over a child (even to hold) without some verification of who he was. I hope this is helpful.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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When we were in Atanta,GA we lived in a gated appartment complex. I got my information from my experiences there. As for Paul and the baby. The baby showed the officer that he knew Paul and felt comfortable with that. I also Paul is a retired, very his profile lawyer. The police would know him, this was established in previous posts. I hope this helps. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
This kept me reading. In addition I want to know more. I want to know how Anna gets out of this, and then see her and Troy get together. Good job, Barbara.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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This kept me reading. In addition I want to know more. I want to know how Anna gets out of this, and then see her and Troy get together. Good job, Barbara.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from JW
This is definitely a well written and exciting chapter. And needless to say, it leaves the reader left in the air, eagerly awaiting to see what happens to Anna.
Good job. JW
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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This is definitely a well written and exciting chapter. And needless to say, it leaves the reader left in the air, eagerly awaiting to see what happens to Anna.
Good job. JW
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from elgone
You create and manage a high level of suspense through this one. The reader is very concerned about Anna's safety. I love the personalized plate for the Chevy pickup, LOL.
E
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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You create and manage a high level of suspense through this one. The reader is very concerned about Anna's safety. I love the personalized plate for the Chevy pickup, LOL.
E
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. You're the first reviewer to pick up on the plates.
Comment from purrfect tale
This chapter gave me chills. Loved all the tension of everyone racing to Anna's apartment at the same time. It's going to be a long week waiting to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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This chapter gave me chills. Loved all the tension of everyone racing to Anna's apartment at the same time. It's going to be a long week waiting to see what happens next.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and your support. I am worried about my next post, it won't be until next Sunday. I go back to work tomorrow, spring break is over. Anyway, I will need your eagle eye. I am not sure it's working, I keep tweaking it.
Comment from teacherdub
Excellent as always. Intense and attention getting. Characters are believable, action verbs create tension well and lead reader into next event. Great job. td
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Excellent as always. Intense and attention getting. Characters are believable, action verbs create tension well and lead reader into next event. Great job. td
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Great post, Barbara. I got quite angry reading it. How many times do they let these maniacs out of jail? Drives me crazy. What a hook you've left us with. Can't wait to read on!
Av
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Great post, Barbara. I got quite angry reading it. How many times do they let these maniacs out of jail? Drives me crazy. What a hook you've left us with. Can't wait to read on!
Av
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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They let these out of jail, often. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Anisa-
Wow, tense chapter. Great job with this one. Can't wait to find out what happens next. Good thinking on the teenagers side. I didn't notice any spag mistakes, but then again, it's not my strong area. Lol.
Anisa
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Wow, tense chapter. Great job with this one. Can't wait to find out what happens next. Good thinking on the teenagers side. I didn't notice any spag mistakes, but then again, it's not my strong area. Lol.
Anisa
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
Hi, Everett - add comma
No matter what happens, don't open - add comma
You build suspense and tension extremely well in this chapter
How come Michael's not in the apartment with his mom, and - add comma
she took Michael, who immediately - add comma
Well, now you have me sitting here with chills and an upset stomach - you had better post your next chapter fast!!! Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Hi, Everett - add comma
No matter what happens, don't open - add comma
You build suspense and tension extremely well in this chapter
How come Michael's not in the apartment with his mom, and - add comma
she took Michael, who immediately - add comma
Well, now you have me sitting here with chills and an upset stomach - you had better post your next chapter fast!!! Brooke :-)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012
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Spring break ends and I go back to work tomorrow. I won't be posting until Sunday. Sorry. I am a little worried about my next post anyway. I am not sure it's right. Thank you for the eagle eye and I will take care of those commas. Have I mentioned I hate commas? I thought about putting one after Everett, but was afraid since I had one after hi, it would be too many.
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If I start having nightmares, I will be PMing you for reassurance that she gets rescued safely :-)
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My next post is about the danger Troy is in. I don't get back to Anna until April 1st. It's not an easy post, she's not doing too well.
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You're killing me here, Barbara, absolutely killing me. LOL