Again
ABAB Poem60 total reviews
Comment from gazzagodbod
awww love this little piece could just see that last run up the beach wonderfully written and presented my friend thank you xxgazzagodbodxx
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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awww love this little piece could just see that last run up the beach wonderfully written and presented my friend thank you xxgazzagodbodxx
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Good morning gazz, I appreciate your taking the time to read and review it. I can only hope I make the same metamorphosis at the end. I would hate to spend eternity as a fat ghost! - Wendy
Comment from Black_Oxygen
Her heartbeat flutters wildly at the last.
How sad those gathered round can't feel her joy
as through the seasons of her girlhood past
she races to embrace the blue-jeaned boy.
I like the way that this poetry flows. The rhymes
are perfect and it holds the reader's interest
from start to finish. Thank You for your creation.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Her heartbeat flutters wildly at the last.
How sad those gathered round can't feel her joy
as through the seasons of her girlhood past
she races to embrace the blue-jeaned boy.
I like the way that this poetry flows. The rhymes
are perfect and it holds the reader's interest
from start to finish. Thank You for your creation.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for noting the flow and rhymes. They are very important to me and I like that type of feedback. I appreciate your taking the time to read and review my words. - Wendy
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
I love this! And, I so hope the end is as blissful as depicted in this great poem. The artwork is perfect. I really enjoyed this work. Great job!
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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I love this! And, I so hope the end is as blissful as depicted in this great poem. The artwork is perfect. I really enjoyed this work. Great job!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Good Morning, I certainly have the same hopes you do. I am glad you enjoyed the piece and certainly appreciate the sixth. -Wendy
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:)
Comment from donaldww
Excellent! This is a poignant and well penned poem. You have captured that moment of dying with your touching words, where they say the soul leaves the physical body, that people who have near-death experiences have documented.
I noted one phrase for you to look at:
Summers by the shore
left footprints waves and time could not erase.
(I think the second line needs one of two choices for punctuation.
left footprint's waves, and time could not erase.
If footprints is not a possessive, commas would make your intentions clear:
left footprints, waves, and time could not erase.)
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Excellent! This is a poignant and well penned poem. You have captured that moment of dying with your touching words, where they say the soul leaves the physical body, that people who have near-death experiences have documented.
I noted one phrase for you to look at:
Summers by the shore
left footprints waves and time could not erase.
(I think the second line needs one of two choices for punctuation.
left footprint's waves, and time could not erase.
If footprints is not a possessive, commas would make your intentions clear:
left footprints, waves, and time could not erase.)
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
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Thank you Donald for a thorough read. The line, if not constrained by silly things like meter and flow, would read left footprints THAT waves and time could not erase. I guess, since I wrote it and obviously knew my intent, that it never occurred to me that it might be seen needing a possessive-which it might have. I will ponder some more, as I hate to disrupt the tides of the poem with too much punctuation. Perhaps if I just switch time and waves it is more clear? -Wendy
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I like your switch of time and waves. That just sounds better to me. But unlike many FS poets, I welcome punctuation. It does a great job of doing what it was intended to do: clarify the poet's intentions, so I (the reader) do not have to second guess meaning and flow.
Given what I think you're after, I would punctuate like this:
Summers by the shore
left footprints--time and waves could not erase.
OR
Summers by the shore
left footprints (time and waves could not erase)
I like the second version because it clarifies the distinction between showing and telling.
Comment from Righteous Riter
This piece speaks to my heart. The piece is love story and the storyline is clear. My attention was grabbed from the title and the piece did the rest. The rhyming is good. The flow and the harmony is on point. Good job.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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This piece speaks to my heart. The piece is love story and the storyline is clear. My attention was grabbed from the title and the piece did the rest. The rhyming is good. The flow and the harmony is on point. Good job.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you, again, for reading my work and giving a thoughtful review. I appreciate your noting the rhyming and flow as that is important to me. I'm glad you enjoyed it. - Wendy
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh this is so poignant, so touching. How very lovely in every way - beautiful rhyme, a wonderful love story, and perfect metering. A very strong contender for the contest, I should think.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Oh this is so poignant, so touching. How very lovely in every way - beautiful rhyme, a wonderful love story, and perfect metering. A very strong contender for the contest, I should think.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thanks so much for pulling yourself away from Andrew's bedside to read and review my words. I am almost back up to full speed from the flu and will begin reviewing again myself soon. I am so glad you enjoyed this. Your stars mean a great deal as you know how much I like and respect your work. -Wendy
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I'm glad to hear you are recovering. I feel the same about your work.
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
What a beautiful poem. Married sixty years- departed for fifteen. I see one preparing for death and feeling the 'joy' of once again being re-united with her childhood/lifetime sweetheart. Just lovely- Perfectly written and presented so sweetly. Thank you for sharing this. Betty
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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What a beautiful poem. Married sixty years- departed for fifteen. I see one preparing for death and feeling the 'joy' of once again being re-united with her childhood/lifetime sweetheart. Just lovely- Perfectly written and presented so sweetly. Thank you for sharing this. Betty
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you, Betty, for taking time to read and review my work. I am so glad that you enjoyed this. -Wendy
Comment from Bina1
This is so touching on a personal level, thank you for sharing it today! A beautiful story told in your poem, a sweet presentation as well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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This is so touching on a personal level, thank you for sharing it today! A beautiful story told in your poem, a sweet presentation as well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank Bina1 for the read, the review and the stars. I get the impression that you know or knew a couple like this. I don't know what comes next, but wouldn't it be wonderful if my little scenario is true? - Wendy
Comment from c_lucas
The Image alone protrays your poem of happiness and glee. The poem speaks of a departure that is ended when they reunite on the other side of the veil. Very well written.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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The Image alone protrays your poem of happiness and glee. The poem speaks of a departure that is ended when they reunite on the other side of the veil. Very well written.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much Charlie, I am so glad that you enjoyed it and I appreciate the time you took to read and review it - and the six stars of course. - Wendy
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You're welcome, Wendy. Charlie
Comment from mystery poet
The technique used for the art is one of my
favorite. The friendship grows from childhood
and lasts sixty years. With loss felt for
fifteen years she leaving for the journey that
will land her back in his arms...'Sad they can't
feel her joy'...just lovely
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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The technique used for the art is one of my
favorite. The friendship grows from childhood
and lasts sixty years. With loss felt for
fifteen years she leaving for the journey that
will land her back in his arms...'Sad they can't
feel her joy'...just lovely
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my words. I am glad that you enjoyed the poem and your pleasure in it is now mine, too. Where in NC are you? There seems to be a clump of us living here in the south/southeast
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Yes, it does doesn't? I live in the peidmont.
Almost centered! I have enjoyed all I've
read as I come to them and thank you for
sharing your lovely work!