The Werewolf of Wall Street
Big business -- it's a dog eat dog world out there...77 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
I tried to collect all of the paperback anthologies with Hitchcock's name on them. The best collections going at the time. Mystery/horror stuff. Variety was the key, not the sameold sameold. Excellent story, this one.
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I tried to collect all of the paperback anthologies with Hitchcock's name on them. The best collections going at the time. Mystery/horror stuff. Variety was the key, not the sameold sameold. Excellent story, this one.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Dean. Crikey mate, I don't know if this is fiction or not LOL. Those bloody wall street guys are horrors, just like the Aussie version. This is a great yarn mate and you should do well in the comp. Good luck bud, cheers Fez
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G'day Dean. Crikey mate, I don't know if this is fiction or not LOL. Those bloody wall street guys are horrors, just like the Aussie version. This is a great yarn mate and you should do well in the comp. Good luck bud, cheers Fez
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
Once I read that Ian purposefully avoided signing in at the security desk--substituted a wink/nod combination in lieu of even slowing down, in fact-- I was immediately suspicious. I thought he must have some sort of powerful, charismatic vibe, getting away with foregoing a standard procedure before going up to where the big boys rub elbows of a brokerage firm.
Then I found out just how powerful Ian is.
Your story flows smoothly, and your primary character immediately draws in your audience, both with what he says and his actions. I suspect your audience may want to see about getting their hands on silver bullets--or at least look for wolfs bane. Well done.
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Once I read that Ian purposefully avoided signing in at the security desk--substituted a wink/nod combination in lieu of even slowing down, in fact-- I was immediately suspicious. I thought he must have some sort of powerful, charismatic vibe, getting away with foregoing a standard procedure before going up to where the big boys rub elbows of a brokerage firm.
Then I found out just how powerful Ian is.
Your story flows smoothly, and your primary character immediately draws in your audience, both with what he says and his actions. I suspect your audience may want to see about getting their hands on silver bullets--or at least look for wolfs bane. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
Comment from Muffins
The writing is masterful. The main character is sleek, evil, cookey& mysterious. The pace rolls of the page as fast as his 650S Coupe. I have just a few suggestions.
1- Just a sentence or two about his power toake people(Barry) do his biding .
2- I assume from the drawing and title he has some Wolf qualities, but why is he interested in the redhead(one word) for the blood between her legs. If he plans on killing her, hopefully no one knows they're going out on a date because he would be suspecy#1 unless he puts the investigators under his spell .
I realize flash fiction in its unfairness in tying a writer's hand. There isn't ' room for much or any background information, and cutting everything do to the bone marrow is the focus. However, Dean if anyone can slip in a few genius sentences here and there to fill in the blank, my paycheck is own you! I truly enjoyed reading this. I'm looking forward to more fiction work from you.
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The writing is masterful. The main character is sleek, evil, cookey& mysterious. The pace rolls of the page as fast as his 650S Coupe. I have just a few suggestions.
1- Just a sentence or two about his power toake people(Barry) do his biding .
2- I assume from the drawing and title he has some Wolf qualities, but why is he interested in the redhead(one word) for the blood between her legs. If he plans on killing her, hopefully no one knows they're going out on a date because he would be suspecy#1 unless he puts the investigators under his spell .
I realize flash fiction in its unfairness in tying a writer's hand. There isn't ' room for much or any background information, and cutting everything do to the bone marrow is the focus. However, Dean if anyone can slip in a few genius sentences here and there to fill in the blank, my paycheck is own you! I truly enjoyed reading this. I'm looking forward to more fiction work from you.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
Comment from michaelcahill
Hahaha!! It never fails, I write some silly piece of amusing fluff and I look up and you've written an epic killer piece. I must sharpen my pen BEFORE I submit to these things! A great piece. I really enjoyed it. Packed with action in so few words. I like the novel idea. I think you'd write a helluva novel based on that premise. You have a way of keeping things in perfect order that lends itself to a complex story. mikey
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Hahaha!! It never fails, I write some silly piece of amusing fluff and I look up and you've written an epic killer piece. I must sharpen my pen BEFORE I submit to these things! A great piece. I really enjoyed it. Packed with action in so few words. I like the novel idea. I think you'd write a helluva novel based on that premise. You have a way of keeping things in perfect order that lends itself to a complex story. mikey
Comment Written 14-Jan-2015
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Mr. Gleason was "stunned and perplexed" and not the only one. So was I. Well, perplexed at least.
1. I don't understand why people would jump out windows just because he told them to do it. Even if he's a werewolf, that's not a power they have, is it? So how did Ian get that power?
2. If the general manager jumps to his death, I would think the company's stock would take a hit. Stockholders would wonder if his suicide had to do with the company losing a ton of money or something.
3. And why would Gleason's death assure Ian of that promotion anyway?
4. Since he plans to kill the redhead--and a lot of other people, evidently--the police will find a pattern very quickly.
5. How can he make money by killing a lot of people? If he gets promoted into the position of everyone he kills, THAT would surely be noticed. Furthermore, if enough people at the company are murdered or commit suicide, the stock will surely plummet and the company won't have any money to pay his salary, even if he's not caught. He will simply bankrupt the company!
Sorry, Dean, but there is too much here that has me going around in circles looking for a way to make sense of this. Sorry, but I can't find it.
The writing style is good, as usual, this sentence in particular: A smattering of drool dribbled unnoticed down his double chin, mingling with perspiration on his already saturated shirt.
Errors to fix (that none of your gore-lovers will notice anyway, but you're too good a writer to be making them).
stood sentry atop the structures uppermost rim.... "structure's" needs an apostrophe (possessive)
olive-drab... no hyphen, just as you would not put one in light green
sweat-soaked...hyphen correct
loosely-knotted... no hyphen, because "loosely" is an adverb
well-polished... no hyphen, because "well" is an adverb here
red-head... Redhead (one word) is a noun; redheaded is the adjective.
course hair... spelled coarse
And one more thing:
Ian leisurely exited... You know how they say avoid adverbs with -ly and "show, don't tell"? Well, "leisurely" is an example of that. Often adverbs are necessary and harmless. This one sticks out, though.
I hope we're still friends. My criticism was aimed at the story, not at you personally. I'm not one to toss out compliments without meaning it. And I always try to help good writers (others aren't worth all the effort) with spag when I have time. But don't worry about my opinion. You'll win the contest anyway, since you have hundreds of horror fans who love your stories (and magical werewolves, I assume) and will jump on your name. So your reputation is safe. :)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Mr. Gleason was "stunned and perplexed" and not the only one. So was I. Well, perplexed at least.
1. I don't understand why people would jump out windows just because he told them to do it. Even if he's a werewolf, that's not a power they have, is it? So how did Ian get that power?
2. If the general manager jumps to his death, I would think the company's stock would take a hit. Stockholders would wonder if his suicide had to do with the company losing a ton of money or something.
3. And why would Gleason's death assure Ian of that promotion anyway?
4. Since he plans to kill the redhead--and a lot of other people, evidently--the police will find a pattern very quickly.
5. How can he make money by killing a lot of people? If he gets promoted into the position of everyone he kills, THAT would surely be noticed. Furthermore, if enough people at the company are murdered or commit suicide, the stock will surely plummet and the company won't have any money to pay his salary, even if he's not caught. He will simply bankrupt the company!
Sorry, Dean, but there is too much here that has me going around in circles looking for a way to make sense of this. Sorry, but I can't find it.
The writing style is good, as usual, this sentence in particular: A smattering of drool dribbled unnoticed down his double chin, mingling with perspiration on his already saturated shirt.
Errors to fix (that none of your gore-lovers will notice anyway, but you're too good a writer to be making them).
stood sentry atop the structures uppermost rim.... "structure's" needs an apostrophe (possessive)
olive-drab... no hyphen, just as you would not put one in light green
sweat-soaked...hyphen correct
loosely-knotted... no hyphen, because "loosely" is an adverb
well-polished... no hyphen, because "well" is an adverb here
red-head... Redhead (one word) is a noun; redheaded is the adjective.
course hair... spelled coarse
And one more thing:
Ian leisurely exited... You know how they say avoid adverbs with -ly and "show, don't tell"? Well, "leisurely" is an example of that. Often adverbs are necessary and harmless. This one sticks out, though.
I hope we're still friends. My criticism was aimed at the story, not at you personally. I'm not one to toss out compliments without meaning it. And I always try to help good writers (others aren't worth all the effort) with spag when I have time. But don't worry about my opinion. You'll win the contest anyway, since you have hundreds of horror fans who love your stories (and magical werewolves, I assume) and will jump on your name. So your reputation is safe. :)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2015
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Oh, absolutely, Phyllis, of course we're still friends. I am not adverse to constructive criticism in the least when it's offered with helpful suggestions for improvement. After all, that's why I'm here, ultimately, to improve the craft I love and am so passionate about. The craft of writing prose and poetry.
Werewolf myths did originally include the powers of mind control through hypnosis, much like the glare of a wolf holds it's prey in a brief trance, but far stronger. However, over the years the legends have been rewritten and the creature has been made into more of a savage, mindless beast who wants only blood . You can research some of the old lore at the site below, if you like. It is a favorite resource of mine.
http://www.gods-and-monsters.com/werewolves.html
That being said, Ian can pretty much dictate to whomever he wishes, whatever he wishes, and that's what makes someone like him involved in one of the largest financial institutions in the world so very dangerous.
I appreciate your honest review, and your candor as well.
Thanks for taking time out to read my entry, and good luck in the contest to you too. :)
~Dean
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Oops! My fault for not reading the notes. Sorry.
Well, if a werewolf can make anyone do anything, he just needs to confront wealthy people and get generous gifts. Why work? I wouldn't. I'd go door to door in Beverly Hills till I couldn't carry anymore money. LOL! :)
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I suppose Ian just likes the thrill of the hunt and the chase, like a wolf stalking a poor, defenseless rabbit or fawn, LOL. Me, I would do the same thing you would, heh-heh...
Thanks again, Phyllis. I appreciate all of your help. :) ~Dean
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Actually, a story should stand on its own without needing notes. So I think if you included that mind-control info in the story itself, it would help readers a lot. I do read notes if they're short. But yours were so long, I skipped them. That will happen, so don't count too much on notes.
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Most horror aficionados like myself are aware of their mind controlling prowess (See Lenieco's review). I realize too that many loathe lengthy author's notes, but I really enjoy reading the notes of others when they happen to include them. I guess I always assume that most would appreciate them as well, but I realize it isn't always the case. :)
Comment from gypsycaravan
This is a particular favorite of your works for me. I like the cockiness and description of Ian. Sounds like he could be in a new book you might write? Very nice, Dean.
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This is a particular favorite of your works for me. I like the cockiness and description of Ian. Sounds like he could be in a new book you might write? Very nice, Dean.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
Comment from chasennov
"The Werewolf of Wall Street" The art of writing a thriller story. Once again you have exceeded yourself in this art form sir. I found this story absolutely riveting, not knowing what I may expect next. Very well done.
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"The Werewolf of Wall Street" The art of writing a thriller story. Once again you have exceeded yourself in this art form sir. I found this story absolutely riveting, not knowing what I may expect next. Very well done.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
Comment from S.M.E.Schultz
That's really creepy, and while I don't want to see the movie, the text is enthralling... couldn't stop reading it second and third time. Character fully developed, and a plot established in such a few words.
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That's really creepy, and while I don't want to see the movie, the text is enthralling... couldn't stop reading it second and third time. Character fully developed, and a plot established in such a few words.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015
Comment from Jay Squires
ther-r-r-r-r-r-e's a bad moon on the rise..." [I always thought the lyrics were, "There's a bathroom on the right." I heard later on the radio that it's a common response.
I don't think I'd like to be around smelling young ladies menses. But then I'm not a werewolf.
Good job, and a fun read, as usual, Dean.
Jay
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ther-r-r-r-r-r-e's a bad moon on the rise..." [I always thought the lyrics were, "There's a bathroom on the right." I heard later on the radio that it's a common response.
I don't think I'd like to be around smelling young ladies menses. But then I'm not a werewolf.
Good job, and a fun read, as usual, Dean.
Jay
Comment Written 13-Jan-2015